But if I waspuzzled and disconcerted, I was not unimpressed. Even I, in my colossalignorance, could not but feel that here, trying to express itself, was realpower. I was excited and interested. I felt that these pictures had somethingto say to me that was very important for me to know, but I could not tell whatit was. They seemed to me ugly, but they suggested without disclosing a secretof momentous significance. They were strangely tantalising. They gave me anemotion that I could not analyse. They said something that words were powerlessto utter. I fancy that Strickland saw vaguely some spiritual meaning inmaterial things that was so strange that he could only suggest it with haltingsymbols. It was as though he found in the chaos of the universe a new pattern,and were attempting clumsily, with anguish of soul, to set it down. I saw atormented spirit striving for the release of expression.

I turned tohim.

"I wonderif you haven't mistaken your medium, " I said.

"What thehell do you mean?"

"I thinkyou're trying to say something, I don't quite know what it is, but I'm not surethat the best way of saying it is by means of painting. "

但是即使说思特里克兰德的画当时使我感到困惑莫解，却不能说这些画没有触动我。尽管我对他的技巧懵然无知，我还是感到他的作品有一种努力要表现自己的真正力量。我感到兴奋，也对这些画很感兴趣。我觉得他的画好象要告诉我一件什么事，对我说来，了解这件事是非常重要的，但我又说不出来那究竟是什么。这些画我觉得一点不美，但它们却暗示给我——是暗示而不是泄露——一个极端重要的秘密。这些画奇怪地逗弄着我。它们引起我一种我无法分析的感情。它们诉说着一件语言无力表达的事。我猜想，思特里克兰德在有形的事物上模模糊糊地看到某种精神意义，这种意义非常奇异，他只能用很不完善的符号勉强把它表达出来。仿佛是他在宇宙的一片混乱中找到了一个新的图案，正在笨拙地把它描摹下来，因为力不从心，心灵非常痛苦。我看到的是一个奋力寻求表现手段的备受折磨的灵魂。

“我怀疑，你的手段是否选择对了。”我说。

“你说的是什么意思？”

“我想你是在努力表达些什么。虽然我不太清楚你想要表达的是什么，但我很怀疑，绘画对你说是不是最好的表达方法。”