Are you an early bird or just an early burden? In the series premiere of Don’t Shxxt The Messenger, we’re deconstructing the “Office Golden Retrievers” who think 7:50 AM is the prime time to unleash a 4K weekend recap. If you’re currently hiding behind $400 noise-canceling headphones just to avoid a deep dive into Steve’s mulch project, this is your sanity check. Stop the yapping, start the brewing, and remember: Espresso yourself elsewhere.