The Mother Load

Mums discuss the trade-offs and rewards of both choices, and why there is no “right” way to be a mother.

Synopsis: Join us for a five-part series on working motherhood from July 3-31 with episodes out every Friday.

This final episode explores one of the biggest questions mothers face: Stay home with my children, or continue working? 

From the emotional cost of missing moments with their children to the financial realities of stepping away from paid employment, working mums often find themselves weighing impossible trade-offs, even though there is no “right” way to raise a family. 

Host Vanessa Chelvan speaks with Kristen Kiong, a speech therapist and mother of three who left the workforce to care for her children full-time; and Yong Qiao Qing, a marketing manager and mother of two who returned to work after being a stay-at-home mum.

They discuss the misconceptions surrounding stay-at-home mothers, the hidden value of unpaid caregiving, and why becoming a mother can make women stronger and more productive at work.

Highlights (click/tap above):

8:13 My job comes at the expense of my kids - and vice versa 

10:05 Dealing with guilt and the common misconceptions 

12:40 From earning your own money to asking your husband 

16:30 The value of stay-at-home mums is not monetary   

20:40 Dealing with overstimulation as a mum 

25:40 We are the first generation of mothers to apologise to our kids   

27:22 Stay-at-home mums sometimes feel ‘collectively lonely’ 

30:50 The motherhood penalty 

34:06 On why mothers are extra productive workers 

36:30 Advice for those considering the switch 

Host: Vanessa Chelvan ([email protected])

Read Vanessa's articles: https://str.sg/gr5Z

Follow Vanessa on LinkedIn: https://str.sg/jHdJ 

Produced and edited by: Teo Tong Kai

Executive producers: Ernest Luis & Elizabeth Law

—

Follow The Mother Load limited series every Friday (July 3-31):

Channel: https://str.sg/oMofY 

Apple Podcasts: https://str.sg/8Kbv 

Spotify: https://str.sg/DELD 

YouTube: https://str.sg/HnaV

Feedback to: [email protected] 

—

Follow more ST podcast channels:

All-in-one ST Podcasts channel: https://str.sg/wvz7 

Get more updates: http://str.sg/stpodcasts

---

Get The Straits Times app, which has a dedicated podcast player section:

The App Store: https://str.sg/icyB 

Google Play: https://str.sg/icyX

#themotherload

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Two women share their journeys through IVF, miscarriage and the long road to motherhood  

Synopsis: Join us for a five-part series on working motherhood from July 3-31 with episodes out every Friday.

This episode explores the difficult journey some women take to become mothers. 

Around one in six couples in Singapore experience infertility, yet many endure the physical and emotional toll of fertility treatment in silence while juggling work, medical appointments and the uncertainty of what comes next.

Host Vanessa Chelvan speaks with Divya Menon, director of Fertility Support SG, who is still navigating her own in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) journey after multiple treatment cycles and a recent miscarriage, and Elisha Tushara, a Straits Times journalist whose daughter was conceived after years of fertility treatment and losses. 

They discuss the grief of failed cycles and miscarriages, the burden of balancing treatment with work, the financial cost of trying to conceive, and why workplaces - and society - need to better support those navigating infertility.

Highlights (click/tap above):

5:05 Emotional, mental and physical toll of fertility treatment  

8:31 Dealing with the grief of loss 

10:58 ‘I’m going to give it everything I have, even if the money goes’

12:54 Why many choose to go through fertility treatment in silence

15:23 The misconception that infertility is a woman’s problem

18:53 The two-week wait

22:51 77% of women see trade-off between IVF and career 

28:29 Does miscarriage equate failure? 

35:45 The costs of fertility treatment

39:19 The Government should do more to help couples 

41:04 Creating a supportive workplace 

Resources: 

Fertility Support SG: https://fertilitysupport.sg/

Fertility Support SG’s Workplace Guide: https://fertilitysupport.sg/infertility-in-the-workplace/

Host: Vanessa Chelvan ([email protected])

Read Vanessa's articles: https://str.sg/gr5Z

Follow Vanessa on LinkedIn: https://str.sg/jHdJ 

Produced and edited by: Teo Tong Kai

Executive producers: Ernest Luis & Elizabeth Law

—

Follow The Mother Load limited series every Friday (July 3-31):

Channel: https://str.sg/oMofY 

Apple Podcasts: https://str.sg/8Kbv 

Spotify: https://str.sg/DELD 

YouTube: https://str.sg/HnaV

Feedback to: [email protected] 

—

Follow more ST podcast channels:

All-in-one ST Podcasts channel: https://str.sg/wvz7 

Get more updates: http://str.sg/stpodcasts

---

Get The Straits Times app, which has a dedicated podcast player section:

The App Store: https://str.sg/icyB 

Google Play: https://str.sg/icyX

#themotherload

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mothers today have more advice than ever before. But when does helpful information become overwhelming, and what can we do about it? 

Synopsis: Join us for a five-part series on working motherhood from July 3-31 with episodes out every Friday.

Social media has become a lifeline for many mothers - offering advice, reassurance and community at the tap of a screen. But what happens when the endless parenting tips and constant comparison start to undermine our confidence instead?

In this episode, host Vanessa Chelvan sits down with Huda Rasid, founder of The Mum Collective, and Minister of State Rahayu Mahzam to talk candidly about the pressures of raising children in the digital age.

From information overload to screen time guilt and the pressures of competitive parenting, they unpack why so many mothers feel like they're constantly falling short - even when they're doing their best.

The conversation also explores practical ways to build a healthier relationship with social media, trust your own instincts again and find real support beyond the screen - reminding parents that no algorithm knows their child better than they do.

Highlights (click/tap above):

5:20 Do social media algorithms reflect our anxieties back at us? 

9:54 Too many choices have eroded mums' confidence in their own instincts 

13:00 Getting caught in the comparison trap 

18:04 Rahayu on mum guilt and parenting her son

23:45 Screen time struggles and why parents may feel judged

27:50 Keeping it real on social media and examining your own triggers around screentime

33:08 Intensive mothering: Can we be less competitive?

37:42 The tuition dilemma

41:42 Using social media as a tool, not a trap

45:10 Finding a mum community IRL

47:50 No algorithm knows your child better than you do

Host: Vanessa Chelvan ([email protected])

Read Vanessa's articles: https://str.sg/gr5Z

Follow Vanessa on LinkedIn: https://str.sg/jHdJ 

Produced and edited by: Teo Tong Kai

Executive producers: Ernest Luis & Elizabeth Law

—

Follow The Mother Load limited series every Friday (July 3-31):

Channel: https://str.sg/oMofY 

Apple Podcasts: https://str.sg/8Kbv 

Spotify: https://str.sg/DELD 

YouTube: https://str.sg/HnaV

Feedback to: [email protected] 

—

Follow more ST podcast channels:

All-in-one ST Podcasts channel: https://str.sg/wvz7 

Get more updates: http://str.sg/stpodcasts

---

Get The Straits Times app, which has a dedicated podcast player section:

The App Store: https://str.sg/icyB 

Google Play: https://str.sg/icyX

#themotherload

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We explore the cost of carrying it all - and how to lighten the load.

Synopsis: Join us for a five-part series on working motherhood from July 3-31 with episodes out every Friday.

For many mothers, every day is a balancing act: work emails, school messages, and trying to be fully present with their children while an endless mental checklist runs in the background.

In this episode, we unpack the feeling of never being enough at work or at home, the invisible mental load of being the “default parent”, and why some things in life are rubber balls that bounce back when they are dropped.

We also talk about burnout, sharing the load with your partner, and how becoming a mother reshapes what ambition and success looks like.

Host Vanessa Chelvan is joined by Jacinth Liew, parenting coach and founder of Our Little Play Nest.

Highlights (click/tap above):

2:40 “It seems like I have it all, but I don’t” 

7:25 Guilt is the only constant

10:45 What gets sacrificed when the juggle gets too much?

12:50 Juggling rubber balls and glass balls 

14:55 Should working mums feel they have to do everything?

16:30 Being the “default parent” 

18:25 The art of delegation and equal partnerships 

25:42 Dads can take career detours too  

31:25 Reframing personal ambitions as a working mum

33:35 Their ‘worth it’ moments: Jacinth and Vanessa share

Host: Vanessa Chelvan ([email protected])

Read Vanessa's articles: https://str.sg/gr5Z

Follow Vanessa on LinkedIn: https://str.sg/jHdJ 

Produced and edited by: Teo Tong Kai

Executive producers: Ernest Luis & Elizabeth Law

—

Follow The Mother Load limited series every Friday (July 3-31):

Channel: https://str.sg/oMofY 

Apple Podcasts: https://str.sg/8Kbv 

Spotify: https://str.sg/DELD 

YouTube: https://str.sg/HnaV

Feedback to: [email protected] 

—

Follow more ST podcast channels:

All-in-one ST Podcasts channel: https://str.sg/wvz7 

Get more updates: http://str.sg/stpodcasts

---

Get The Straits Times app, which has a dedicated podcast player section:

The App Store: https://str.sg/icyB 

Google Play: https://str.sg/icyX

#themotherload

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How women navigate careers, caregiving and the expectations that come with both.

Synopsis: Join us for a five-part series on working motherhood from July 3-31 with episodes out every Friday.

We begin with a question many quietly ask themselves: Why does motherhood feel so overwhelming even when everyone says it's supposed to be joyful?

What happens when mum is depleted, running on empty, and yet still tries to keep going? 

From the hormonal and neurological changes of matrescence to the relentless mental load of caregiving, we examine why motherhood can feel so all consuming – and why so many struggle in silence.

Host Vanessa Chelvan is joined by clinical psychologist Elysia Tan from Annabelle Psychology, who is navigating life with her nine-month-old daughter, and parent coach Joline Lim, co-director of Chapter Zero, who is raising two neurodivergent children. 

Highlights (click/tap above):

5:50 Breastfeeding: Not so ‘natural’?

9:26 Mental health professionals struggle too

10:35 Vanessa on her struggles as a new mum to twins 

16:35 No shame in seeking therapy

18:50 Returning to work as a new mum never gets easier 

24:42 Dysregulation and the hand model of a brain

28:25 Parenting excavates your entire childhood 

31:45 Reparenting and becoming the parents we wish we had 

40:38 ‘Baby steps’ – tips on letting go

42:27 Millennial parents spend more time caregiving than boomer parents 

45:35 When does hard become “too hard”? Recognising when mums need help 

51:34 One actionable tip for mums 

---

Read more:

First Stop For Mental Health: https://mindline.sg/fsmh

It All Starts Hear: https://www.iash.sg/ 

Annabelle Psychology: https://www.annabellepsychology.com/ 

Chapter Zero: https://www.chapterzero.org/

Host: Vanessa Chelvan ([email protected])

Read Vanessa's articles: https://str.sg/gr5Z

Follow Vanessa on LinkedIn: https://str.sg/jHdJ 

Produced and edited by: Teo Tong Kai

Executive producers: Ernest Luis & Elizabeth Law

—

Follow The Mother Load limited series every Friday (July 3-31):

Channel: https://str.sg/oMofY 

Apple Podcasts: https://str.sg/8Kbv 

Spotify: https://str.sg/DELD 

YouTube: https://str.sg/HnaV

Feedback to: [email protected] 

—

Follow more ST podcast channels:

All-in-one ST Podcasts channel: https://str.sg/wvz7 

Get more updates: http://str.sg/stpodcasts

---

Get The Straits Times app, which has a dedicated podcast player section:

The App Store: https://str.sg/icyB 

Google Play: https://str.sg/icyX

—

Helplines:

MENTAL WELL-BEING

• National Mindline: 1771 (24 hours) / 6669-1771 (via WhatsApp)
• Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours) / 9151-1767 (24 hours CareText via WhatsApp)
• Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
• Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928
• Chat, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493-6500/1 
• Women’s Helpline (Aware): 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
• The Seniors Helpline: 1800-555-5555 (weekdays, 9am to 5pm)
• Tinkle Friend (for primary school-age children): 1800-2744-788

—

#themotherload

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.