Though the #MeToo movement is not at the forefront of our minds anymore, its reckoning continues, as we deliberate on what responsibility the enablers carry for crimes they helped perpetrate or cover up (i.e., Ghislaine Maxwell and Chris Cuomo) and whether or not a longtime offender should go free (Bill Cosby).

We’re in muddy waters at this point, confusing waters, even—and those are the ones that author Jessie Kanzer knows all too well. She’s a rape survivor who didn’t acknowledge that she was a rape survivor until many years after the fact, being that hers was a date rape, murkier than a clearcut assault but non-consensual nonetheless, with power dynamics at play that she later recognized made her a clear victim.

Still, “I didn’t want to be a victim,” she says, “I still don’t, which is why I wrote about my shame-spiral of an experience with the hope of helping others in my forthcoming book, Don’t Just Sit There, DO NOTHING: Healing, Chilling, and Living with the Tao Te Ching. Since I was sexually assaulted by a supervisor at a film production company with close ties to Harvey Weinstein, I had to grapple with the fact that I was yet another fly in the never-ending Weinsteinesque net.”

Jessie says she continued to put up with lascivious men as an actress, describing hilarious but damaging scenes in her book, including having to film a pilot with a bare bottom that a male producer photographed with his phone, just for fun.

She has reckoned with her past, though, and now as a middle-aged mom, she has advice for other women navigating their way in a not-yet-safe world.