Turn with me then, if you can, to Matthew chapter 18 and that’s page 985 in the Pew Bible and the words are on the screen there. Verse 15 If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

(0:26 – 0:44)

But if they will not listen, take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church. And if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

(0:45 – 1:05)

Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I with them.

(1:08 – 1:27)

We’ve been learning that scripture calls us to be kind, compassionate, patient and have a deep love towards one another so that we forgive one another. In practise that means covering over many sins against us. It’s a loving thing to do.

(1:27 – 1:53)

Yet we know and experience situations where covering over is not the wise or right option. Where sin blows the covers off. When harmful patterns continue, when someone drifts further into sin, when others are harmed and into these moments, into these situations, love is meant to speak and act too.

(1:54 – 2:33)

So Paul writes to the Ephesian church to say that we’re all called to speak truth and love so that we grow into the likeness of Jesus. Confrontation therefore is an act of love, of grace, aimed at maturity and growth bringing darkness into light, reducing or removing destruction, harm, evil even. And done wisely with care, it reflects the heart of Christ that we love people so deeply that we don’t want to leave people caught up in what is destroying them and others.

(2:33 – 2:47)

Yet it’s not easy. When we’re sinned against, we can fall into unhelpful responses. When we’re sinned against, we can fall into unhelpful responses.

(2:47 – 3:04)

Some appease. They look for ways to satisfy the other person, make concessions, sacrifice truth simply to keep the peace. Others just ignore the issue, pretend it doesn’t exist, hope it disappears.

(3:05 – 3:22)

And others try to win, pressing their case in ways that can put down the person, damage the relationship. But scripture calls us to a wiser path. Sometimes love yields, it makes way.

(3:23 – 3:43)

Also as we’ve been thinking previously, love sometimes waits because now is not the time. But sometimes love calls us to confront when sin cannot be ignored or covered over. Yet most of us don’t enjoy that confrontation.

(3:43 – 3:55)

And if you do, then let me suggest that could be a problem. However, even when we know it is necessary, we hesitate. We don’t want to appear harsh.

(3:56 – 4:07)

We fear misunderstanding or damaging relationships. So doing nothing often feels easier. Confrontation feels costly because it is.

(4:07 – 4:17)

It risks tension, emotional exposure. We can be vulnerable. And the Bible is realistic about this.

(4:18 – 4:42)

Jesus himself teaches that we should go to the brother or sister who sins, yet he doesn’t promise they will listen. Paul calls believers to restore those caught in sin, yet warning them to watch their own hearts as they do so. Hebrews reminds us that discipline is painful rather than pleasant.

(4:43 – 4:55)

Yet loving confrontation matters. It’s rarely comfortable or easy. Avoiding pain may feel peaceful, but it’s not the same as pursuing true peace.

(4:56 – 5:09)

And part of the difficulty comes from the culture around us. Forgiveness is often seen as a kind of private affair, an emotional release that helps us move on. And there’s a certain peace that does come.

(5:09 – 5:23)

We thought about that in Psalm 32. But when forgiveness is only about a personal inward feeling, then we may think confrontation is unnecessary. Yet scripture presents forgiveness as relational.

(5:23 – 5:37)

And it aims at reconciliation, not simply personal release. It also can be hard because culture has such a strong focus on personal autonomy. We’re in charge.

(5:38 – 5:58)

And so if somebody confronts, they can be quickly labelled as judgemental. How dare you speak to me about that? So accountability is framed as oppressive rather than caring. And we have to say too that responsibility lies on both sides.

(5:59 – 6:11)

Those confronted all too often react defensively. And they shut down a conversation. And so that discourages honest engagement.

(6:12 – 6:25)

But you know, we can also remember that past experiences maybe have gone badly. Words have been said clumsily, maybe harshly. People have misunderstood motives.

(6:26 – 6:39)

And these memories make people hesitant to try again. And so silence just feels safer. Some of us feel disqualified because we know our own sin.

(6:41 – 6:51)

So we just stop there. Assuming imperfect people should not, should just stay silent. Yet scripture does not say only perfect people may confront.

(6:52 – 7:01)

Rather it calls us to a way of confronting. Which includes humility and gentleness. And awareness of our own need of grace.

(7:04 – 7:17)

Maybe too the issue is simply apathy or indifference. We just simply might not love enough. But let’s think about when and wherefore and therefore what should be confronted.

(7:17 – 7:31)

So what about when overlooking is no longer wise or the right choice. Now we’re speaking now about serious sins. Or sins that have become serious through persistence and the effect that they have.

(7:34 – 7:50)

These are behaviours that are endangering a person’s spiritual, emotional, physical well-being. Or that the damage, there is damage potentially to the unity and fellowship of a church, a group of people. And this is what Jesus is speaking into.

(7:53 – 8:03)

In a previous, in another book in Luke chapter 17. Jesus says if your brother or sister sins, rebuke them. And in the verses that we’ve just read.

(8:03 – 8:24)

Jesus says if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their faults. Well what sins are in view here? What are those that no longer belong to the covering over with love variety? Well scripture provides some help. First of all, clear violations of God’s word.

(8:25 – 8:37)

When scripture speaks plainly and a person persists in disobedience. This is especially true when behaviours is out of keeping with God’s word. What God calls us to.

(8:37 – 8:50)

When there’s false teaching, we’ve heard about that in 1 Timothy there. Or when there’s disruption to unity within the church. And the New Testament is full of admonitions and ethics on how people are to live.

(8:51 – 9:06)

But what about habitual or persistent patterns of sin? The idea of persistence is important. So Galatians 6 speaks of restoring someone who is caught in sin. Entangled in a pattern, rather than stumbling occasionally.

(9:07 – 9:21)

Hebrews 3 also warns that sin left unaddressed hardens the heart over time. And when a destructive pattern becomes evident. Perhaps a moral failure, a secret sin.

(9:22 – 9:40)

A repeated harmful conduct is being exposed. Well loving confrontation seeks to rescue before deeper damage ensues. But also, what about public or scandalous sin? In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul talks about this.

(9:41 – 9:52)

Where he confronts a situation where serious public sin had been tolerated. The issue was not only the behaviour itself. But also the church’s pride in overlooking it.

(9:52 – 10:03)

The boasting in being tolerant of it. But that was a public disgrace, said Paul. And the witness of the church and the honour of the Lord demanded confrontation.

(10:05 – 10:21)

Another category is when sin fractures relationships. Both the offence that caused the breakdown and the relational breach itself are to be addressed. And scripture replaces a responsibility on both sides.

(10:22 – 10:33)

So the offender, or the offended sorry, is called to go and speak. Jesus speaks about that in Matthew 18 in the words we’ve read. But also in that Luke 17 passage.

(10:34 – 10:56)

But also the offender, when aware of wrongdoing, they are called to seek reconciliation. Jesus spoke about that in Matthew 5. Another category are cases of abuse, exploitation or criminal wrongdoing. Where the covers have certainly been blown off and must not be hidden over.

(10:57 – 11:13)

And reporting such matters to appropriate authorities is in line with God’s concern for justice. And protection of the vulnerable. But also the wider teaching of scripture shows us that we are to have the well-being of others in view also.

(11:14 – 11:27)

It’s not simply about an offence against us. If the sin’s against me, I can decide in wisdom if that sin is to be overlooked or confronted. I can bear the wrong, I can absorb the cost.

(11:27 – 11:58)

But when I see someone else who has been sinned against, is it not my duty to seek justice for them? When someone else is injured and harmed, then love requires speaking up. Especially when there is vulnerability or power imbalance. Now scripture calls God’s people to seek justice, defend against wrongdoing, especially the vulnerable.

(11:59 – 12:09)

So Isaiah the prophet speaks about this. He says, learn to do right, seek justice, defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

(12:10 – 12:38)

But let’s press a bit more. Why do we confront? What’s the purpose of confrontation? Well the same love that overlooks small offences also addresses serious sin. So the question we ask really is, what is the most loving for this person before God right now? And that question protects us from maybe harsh motives and from fearful silence.

(12:38 – 12:50)

And this is what Jesus modelled. He showed patience and tenderness, yet he also spoke plainly when needed. At times he waited and at times he confronted.

(12:51 – 13:06)

And we are called to grow into that same wise love. Not avoiding hard conversations and not seeking them. But speaking when necessary and walking patiently with one another as God continues his restoring work.

(13:06 – 13:18)

And scripture makes the purpose clear. Jesus said, if they listen to you, you have won over your brother. The goal is not to win an argument, but to win a person.

(13:20 – 13:41)

Interestingly just before this section in verses 12 to 14, Jesus frames this process of confrontation with the picture of shepherding the lost. The shepherd pursues the wandering one because that person matters. The person being confronted is never the enemy, but sin is.

(13:42 – 13:53)

They’re lost and the shepherd’s concern is for them. And so it’s a rescue mission that’s in view. And this is a reflection of God’s own heart towards his people.

(13:54 – 14:10)

It’s why scripture tells us God disciplines those he loves. His correction is not a rejection of the person, but a commitment to growth and joy. So when believers are gently correcting one another, they reflect that same pursuing love.

(14:12 – 14:27)

The person is never the enemy, sin is. Yet confrontation must be handled with humility. Right at the beginning of chapter 18, Jesus frames this whole section in another picture.

(14:28 – 14:42)

It’s a picture of childlike faith. Believers are described as little ones. It reminds us that we’re all to be marked by a trusting, dependent humility before God.

(14:44 – 15:01)

Scripture elsewhere calls us to the same idea where he says examine your own hearts first. Remove the log out your own eye before addressing the speck in another’s. In confrontation there’s a great purpose in mind and so greatest care is needed.

(15:03 – 15:29)

You know most of the damage done in situations of confrontation is not because the confrontation itself is wrong. But because it’s handled without patience, without care, without humility, without biblical wisdom or that spiritual care in mind. So how do we confront wisely and well? Let’s think about the place of confrontation.

(15:30 – 15:47)

This process of confrontation by Jesus is often described as teaching on church discipline. And so we know that the place of the church is where it takes place. Jesus mentions the word church twice.

(15:47 – 16:06)

It’s the word ecclesia, the called out ones. Jesus had already mentioned this word in two chapters previously in chapter 16 where he says I will build my church. And so these instructions anticipate the life of a gathered church.

(16:06 – 16:30)

And show that the matters of serious sin are to be handled within a gathered body of local believers, the church. As believers submit themselves to Jesus who’s the head of the church. Then discipline is exercised in humility and love for the good, maturity and unity of the whole body.

(16:30 – 16:56)

Yet this phrase church discipline often raises strongly negative reactions. In my reading this week on this, a writer on forgiveness shared the following letter from someone who believed discipline was inherently unloving. They wrote, “The whole process of church discipline sounds incredibly controlling and uncharitable.

(16:56 – 17:13)

I can’t believe that any church would ever threaten excommunication of its own members for what they do in their private lives. And I cannot imagine a church making a public pronouncement about someone’s sin. What people do in their own time is their own business, not the church’s.

(17:14 – 17:38)

And the church is supposed to be a place where we can come together to learn and overcome sin. How can they do that if they’ve been excommunicated? If we shun our members are we no better than cults? I can’t imagine that Christ would ever excommunicate someone from his church. Didn’t he seek out sinners and avoid those who were holier than thou? I thought the gospel was all about forgiveness”.

(17:40 – 17:52)

Well this response reflects many misunderstandings. Discipline comes from Jesus himself. He gave this process to the disciples of the church.

(17:53 – 18:06)

And it’s not about controlling lives. Many offences are to be overlooked. We’ve been stressing that and the weight given to that gracious overlooking was talked about last week.

(18:07 – 18:25)

But discipline addresses serious ongoing sin that harms people, divides fellowship, damages the church witness. And actually discipline and love go together. God disciplines those he loves and the church is to share in that kind of care.

(18:28 – 18:40)

And public involvement is the last resort. It’s not the first step. The aim is not to threaten, shame or shun but call the whole church to love that seeks to rescue.

(18:41 – 18:59)

Thinking about last week’s focus on overlooking. We were trying to encourage that cultivation of a loving, gracious church culture. That avoids a hunting for, a pointing out of sins.

(19:01 – 19:17)

So that we are more ready for the big serious things that do need to be confronted. Then we will be a people who are more ready to hear someone calling us out. Someone who’s saying no and stop.

(19:17 – 19:34)

For it’s been practised in small, everyday, ordinary moments of life together in such a gracious, kind and compassionate way. But what about the process that Jesus lays out? Let’s just go through it simply. Step one, go privately.

(19:36 – 19:42)

That’s how it begins. Jesus says go and point out the fault just between the two of you. It’s a private conversation.

(19:43 – 19:51)

It’s to protect dignity and reputation. It communicates care. You matter enough for me to speak to you directly.

(19:52 – 20:09)

It also rules out the potential for gossip. The biblical pattern is not A talks to C about B. But A goes to B. Confrontation begins face to face. And actually it’s a responsibility for all of us.

(20:09 – 20:18)

Every believer in the church. So it’s not a matter that we pass off to the church leaders, the elders or the pastor. Whatever it may be.

(20:19 – 20:29)

The spiritual health of the church is a shared concern. And each member plays a role in caring for one another. And we’re to practise this.

(20:30 – 20:43)

We’re to grow in wisdom and love. We’re to help each other strengthen that maturity across the whole church family. And we also know that Jesus says point out the fault.

(20:46 – 20:54)

I think he means we’re to be clear what the issue is. We’re to be clear what the wrong is. We’re to explain the issue.

(20:55 – 21:00)

It’s impact. Why it matters. Sometimes the person may be unaware.

(21:02 – 21:09)

So don’t be vague. Be specific. Bringing things into the light means clarity.

(21:10 – 21:24)

And with this initial step there’s also the hope of immediate resolution. If the person listens. Can I say just a little bit more about listening? Everything turns on this one phrase.

(21:24 – 21:34)

If they listen to you. Listening means more than hearing. Jesus is talking about repentance.

(21:35 – 21:47)

True listening and repentance starts by agreeing with the sin. It accepts responsibility without excuses. It accepts appropriate consequences.

(21:47 – 21:56)

It then seeks forgiveness. Not listening or a false repentance looks different. It minimises the wrongdoing.

(21:57 – 22:06)

It shifts the blame. It criticises the confrontation or the confronter. It might demand things like immediate restoration of trust.

(22:07 – 22:18)

It might express regret and sorrow. But it doesn’t intend to change. And so even here wisdom watches for fruit over time.

(22:19 – 22:28)

Not words spoken in a moment. This is what John the Baptist called for. When he said produce fruit in keeping with repentance.

(22:29 – 22:46)

Paul the Apostle described godly sorrow that leads to real change. As James 5 teaches too. Turning back from error will save their soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

(22:47 – 22:57)

When repentance is genuine. The right response is forgiveness and a restoration that follows. Yet we’re mindful that trust.

(22:57 – 23:09)

Once broken is rebuilt slowly through consistent faithfulness. It’s not always guaranteed. Forgiveness might be quickened.

(23:09 – 23:23)

But renewed trust if it comes can take time. Can I also say something to those of us being confronted. That there’s a real temptation to respond sinfully.

(23:24 – 23:41)

That we can feel hurt and singled out. And we might defensively accuse the one raising the issue of being unloving, unfair, judgemental. Rather can we choose to see it as an opportunity for our own growth.

(23:41 – 23:57)

That there might just be something in it. Something to listen to and take notice of and do something about. That the offended has taken great care to bring this up for our good.

(23:58 – 24:13)

That they are actually seeking our goods and love us enough to bring it to us. But there’s another step. Because of course it can be the case that the first step is not the end of the matter.

(24:14 – 24:26)

If the person refuses to listen Jesus said bring one or two others along. It’s not a ganging up. It’s about clarity, accountability and fairness.

(24:27 – 24:41)

The offender may deny the issue, minimise it. Or is going to continue unchanged. And yet if the matter is clear and harmful then you want to invite others to help you.

(24:42 – 24:55)

And witnesses confirm facts and they reduce misunderstanding. They protect both parties from distortion. And yet still the circle remains small because the loving goal is restoration.

(24:55 – 25:10)

Not a public pressure. And it may be the accusation is disputed so witnesses help assess the situation. And ensure the claims are not based on opinion alone.

(25:11 – 25:23)

Evidence may be needed before going further. And witnesses guard against maybe an unfair or a harsh accusation. Ensuring a process remains just and careful.

(25:25 – 25:39)

Yet if the defender does not dispute the wrongdoing but still refuses to turn from it. Then the witnesses can confirm that a fair confrontation occurred. And they can later testify that the person was approached, was heard.

(25:39 – 25:57)

Was given the opportunity to respond, put their side of it as it were. And that protects the one confronting and the one being confronted. If the offender confesses and is seeking to turn away and carry out whatever steps are necessary for that to be evidenced and proven.

(25:57 – 26:13)

Then the matter can end there too. But if the person refuses to take correction the matter is to be brought before the church. The church family then joins in.

(26:13 – 26:24)

Prayer, counsel, loving appeals, calling the person. And again it’s about rescue. Now many struggle with this step too.

(26:25 – 26:37)

This can feel harsh, embarrassing in today’s culture. Yet it’s Jesus instruction. And it’s purpose is to win the person back.

(26:37 – 26:51)

Prevent deeper spiritual harm. Involving the church also protects against abuse of authority. Discipline is not the sole decision of one leader acting alone.

(26:52 – 27:04)

But it’s rather the shared responsibility of the church. And this guards against situations like that described in 3 John. Where Diotrephes’ authority was misused to control others.

(27:06 – 27:25)

And if repentance occurs at this stage the whole church shares responsibility to restore the person warmly. Paul urges this in 2 Corinthians when he talks about a particular situation there. Where he says reaffirm love and forgiveness so that the restored person is not left at a distance.

(27:26 – 27:44)

Yet if repentance does not come the process does move to a final step. And the person is to be regarded as an unbeliever. If someone persistently rejects the call to correction Jesus says view them as a pagan or tax collector.

(27:45 – 28:00)

Jesus doesn’t mean hostility or disrespect. Remember Jesus hung out with people who were described exactly like this. But it simply means recognising that the profession of faith is now in question.

(28:02 – 28:26)

And so the church family is called to relate to them with a view of calling them back to Jesus rather than pretending all is spiritually well. And Paul reflects that in 1 Corinthians 5. Honest recognition of someone’s spiritual condition is more loving than maintaining a false peace. The call is on the church family to help bring about this goal.

(28:28 – 28:46)

Repentance, reconciliation, restoration. And it’s not a pressure on the offended to you just need to forgive them. What we have then in this process is a clear and merciful process that’s not about harshness or dramatic escalation.

(28:47 – 29:01)

It’s a careful measured process designed to slow us down. And protect everybody involved yet in doing this it’s not easy. And so Jesus gives a striking assurance in verses 18 to 20.

(29:02 – 29:23)

Loving confrontation when carried out in humility is an instrument God uses to work among his people. So he talks of binding and loosing which were familiar Jewish terms referring to the restraint of sin and the release from its guilt. So Jesus is teaching that when the church reaches a careful united judgement especially confirmed by witnesses.

(29:24 – 29:39)

Heaven itself affirms what is done on earth. Now these verses are often taken out often quoted about general prayer. But in the context they’re speaking of Jesus presence in the discipline process.

(29:40 – 29:52)

And when the church is in harmony with this verdict. Verse 19 and the two or three witnesses are in agreement to the offender not being repentant. Then our father in heaven is also in agreement.

(29:53 – 30:09)

It is that God is in their midst and working through it all. And verse 20 is not about Jesus presence at a prayer meeting. But an assurance, an encouragement that Jesus is present and participating in this.

(30:12 – 30:25)

You know as we close our time together. Let’s remind ourselves that when people sin against us or others it’s sometimes necessary to confront and to speak out. Yet even as we do that the motivation is love.

(30:26 – 30:41)

Jesus calls us to love our neighbour, love our brothers and sisters in the Lord, love our enemies. It’s a love that motivates us to overlook and cover sins. But it’s a love that compels us to address serious sin.

(30:41 – 30:54)

And it’s how Paul the Apostle frames his final instructions to the churches in Galatia. Helping them who were caught up in all sorts of sin. So he writes brothers and sisters.

(30:55 – 31:08)

If someone is caught in a sin you who live by the spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.

(31:09 – 31:21)

If anyone thinks they are something when they’re not they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone without comparing themselves to someone else.

(31:22 – 31:34)

For each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. And so these words direct our practise of confronting.

(31:35 – 31:43)

We’re to pick them up. It’s the art of mending. Our priority is to restore.

(31:44 – 31:55)

The original language this means to mend or repair. To bring something damaged back to its former condition. And we approach this task with a healthy dose of gentleness.

(31:55 – 32:04)

Which is simply power under control. And humility. None of us are immune to stumbling and sinning.

(32:05 – 32:13)

So we don’t look down from some pedestal. We’re more similar than we often like to admit. Yet what we do is a spiritual thing.

(32:13 – 32:21)

And so we seek to walk in step with the Spirit. As Paul wrote about in the previous chapter. Chapter 5. As we do this.

(32:23 – 32:28)

But also we hold them up. We bear the weight. Paul says carry the burdens.

(32:29 – 32:38)

Sin’s burdens are heavy. When a brother or sister stumbles we don’t just offer a critique. Yet through prayer, exhortation and steady accountability.

(32:39 – 32:47)

We help them find their footing. While we walk alongside them. We point them to the one ultimately who takes our burdens.

(32:49 – 32:57)

And in that we’re building them up. And it’s a mutual grace. Verse 6 talks about the one receiving instruction.

(32:57 – 33:05)

The person being restored. And the instructor helping with the restoration. But it’s a mutual thing.

(33:06 – 33:14)

Restoration is actually a two way street. There’s a profound beauty. When someone is being restored.

(33:14 – 33:25)

And shares the good things. That they are learning about God’s mercy and their own heart. As you disciple and come alongside someone.

(33:26 – 33:35)

Keep your ears and heart open. The person being restored has a front row seat. To the Spirit’s work in their lives.

(33:35 – 33:44)

And their journey can encourage you just as much as your guidance helps them. So hear it. See it.

(33:44 – 33:51)

And encourage them with it. So as you go don’t just look for sin to correct. Look for a person to restore.

(33:52 – 34:06)

Keep asking. What is the Spirit doing here? And then marvel together at the answer. Paul concludes in Galatians 6. Don’t be deceived.

(34:07 – 34:15)

God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please the flesh from the flesh will reap destruction.

(34:16 – 34:26)

Whoever sows to please theSpirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good. For at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

(34:26 – 34:35)

Therefore as we have opportunity. Let us do good to all people. Especially to those who belong to the family of God.

(34:36 – 34:46)

And we do good in the loving necessity of confronting. Let me pray. And our service is over.

(34:48 – 34:59)

Father we thank you for your help to us. That guides us and directs us in your word. That calls us to be the people who would love.

(35:00 – 35:05)

Love with our humility. And our gentleness. And our kindness and compassion.

(35:06 – 35:13)

But Lord also calls us to be courageous. And to help one another, as we do sin against one another.

(35:13 – 35:21)

So that we may be rescued. So that we may be growing in maturity. And in Christ likeness.

(35:22 – 35:30)

So again we pray that we may be a church family. That loves one another. And loves one another enough to undertake these hard things like confronting. But help us do it in a gracious and loving manner. And we pray this in Jesus name.

The post The Necessity of Confronting – Matthew 18v15–20 appeared first on Greenview Church.