The New Ark

The New Ark

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The New Ark episodes

  • Flothrowy
    In this season finale: a special guest, flies as pets, a productivity hack with hanging anvils and how to catch Kristen Bell. Flies, crows and sloths battle for the final place on the ark. Elliot, Joe and Saf plan how to have 500 children. Same old nonsense. See you next season!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    58 min
  • Camels
    This episode: the new ark does drinking games, Joe shares wisdoms on pee consistency and Elliot readies arson charges. Also: the camel that shot its owner. Just cos'.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    41 min
  • Leeches
    This week on Ark the musical, we invent leech porn. What a climax.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    35 min
  • Crows
    This episode: anti-rabbit lighthouses, why you might marry a dead person, and how crows are really the McDonalds mafia. Joe goes on record advocating for adultery and Elliot reveals a cunning plan to explode crow's heads with a murder mystery. Bidding for the film rights will start at £5 million.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    44 min
  • Crabs
    In this episode: Joe gets burgled and Elliot names an STD after himself for SEO. Also: how many legs can a crab lose before it's no longer a crab? This and other age-old questions will not be answered.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    45 min
  • Ducks
    The show that will get Elliot cancelled. The darkest ep. to date. Where Joe admits the animal he's defending is a despicable serial rapist. Nuff said.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    32 min
  • Flies
    Introducing the all new ark spin-off show, Films We Haven't Watched. Talking about movies we couldn't be arsed to see. With cameos from penis swords, walking zebra murals and awkward pauses... ... ... ... ... ... ... lots of awkward pauses ... ... ... ... ... ... also flies. Enjoy!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    44 min
  • Tigers
    This week, Joe's being haunted and Elliot's high as a kite. But it's Tony the trouser-ripping tiger in the spotlight. You know that dude's over 70 years old and still creeping into kiddies' homes on cereal packets; definitely not giving off any paedophile vibes. 3, 2, 1, clap. Bye!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    50 min
  • Owls
    Joe thinks owls are dead boring. Elliot spent a month in France saving their asses. But whoever said fight for what you believe in didn't while away his finite time before the grave recording drunken ramblings about space arks and raining cats. That's a fact.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    51 min
  • Moths
    They're the mortal enemy of sharks, bees, elephants, Godzilla and Elliot. But special guest Leanna's determined to get them a space on the moth-ership.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    56 min

About The New Ark

From the publisher's feed

Fun fact: the Earth's about to explode. So we've launched The New Ark podcast to pick which animals to save, sailing through space to find Earth 2.0. New episodes each Friday.…