It’s Halloween, and there’s truly nothing more chilling than the depths of Bella Swan’s myopic self-involvement. Except maybe whatever it is that Edward’s vampire effluvium has implanted in her womb. This week, the summary is almost an hour long; Edward breaks the bed; Bella has some pretty messed up pregnancy cravings; the werewolves have a schism; Seth Clearwater eats and Leah Clearwater stews; and then it gets even bloodier than usual. Plus: We continue to wish these books only featured the three dads.

This week: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Books 1 and 2

Next week: Back to Deathly Hallows!