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#cupod #comfortablyuncomfortable 

Starting with Brene Brown’s definition. Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad”, guilt is “I did something bad”. The word that comes to mind for me in mom life is mom guilt but we aren’t sure that it’s really all guilt, there is shame and possibly jealousy. Trying to identify what we are experiencing is so important.

In our shame episode we talked a lot about naming the shame and shifting it and how to deal with it, refer back if you want to dig in! It’s been eye opening to understand the difference between shame and guilt. When it comes to guilt – what happens when you are being you, not intending to hurt feelings but you do and you also don’t want to change your behavior.

As moms we try to compartmentalize our life but the reality is that it is so messy and intertwined. We idealize other people’s lives and behavior and see through the “social media lens” comparing to get our measure of worth or success.

Sometimes you may do something that unintentionally hurt feelings but also, you aren’t going to change your behavior because it is best for your family or yourself. An example is divorce, shame of letting people down, but also needing to make the best choice for yourself. Both sides need the space to have their own feelings. We love the drawbridge example from Glennon Doyle’s book “Untamed”.

Sit with it, recognize it, and take the uncomfortable steps.