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Pretending today is mostly in the context of I’m fine, it’s fine, we are all fine and how especially women always say they are good when they are not. Pretending can be survival mode. It can be conscious or completely unconscious when you don’t realize that you are taking on so much that you are ignoring the help.

When you hit survival mode, continuing to keep going is how you keep going. Being overly independent is a sign of trauma, put up the walls, not be vulnerable. How about people pleasing and is it the same as pretending and where does it intersect? Sandy found an article from Psychology Today that describes people pleasers and the first sign is that you pretend to agree with everyone. 2. You feel responsible for how other people feel. 3. You apologize often. 4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do. 5. You can’t say no. 6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you. 7. You act like the people around you. 8. You need praise to feel good. 9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict. 10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

10 Signs You are a People Pleaser

Do we do this to avoid the conflict? Do we not know how to just be by ourselves anymore? With COVID it feels like it’s becoming a little more commonplace to say we aren’t ok all the time. It’s the little stuff that has a lasting impact. People are there when you have the big T trauma events but it’s the little stuff that can weigh so heavily. It doesn’t feel like there is room to not be ok in the middle ground, you don’t have to need help it’s ok just to sit with the feelings but you also don’t have to pretend to be ok. Social media you may see the extremes – the bad trauma and the extreme joy but living in the in between is so difficult.

Would you ever actually think someone you love is ok if they were out in the cold, weren’t eating, suffering? Why do you allow yourself to be in those same situations? The person we pretend the most with is ourselves. It might be easier to socially interact to just be on this superficial level.

The person we pretend the most with is ourselves. It might be easier to socially interact to just be on this superficial level. Does it depend on whether you are comfortable with conflict? It’s ok not to be ok. You don’t have to be on this extreme end to finally admit that it is not ok. It’s totally allowed to say it’s not ok but it’s also not the worst.

And if you want to celebrate, then you should! Is pretending serving you? How and when you pretend may serve you, but don’t let it overcome you.