Now offering unlimited immunity with every qualifying interaction. No receipt required.

There comes a point in the life of every republic when the machinery stops pretending it isn’t a slot machine. When the levers are exposed, the lights start blinking, and the house announcer politely reminds you that the odds are terrible but the drinks are free.

We have reached that point. Please keep your hands inside the vehicle. The pardons are automatic.

Donald Trump has discovered that the constitutional pardon power—originally intended as a narrow instrument of mercy—can be reimagined as something far more modern: a fully scalable, on-demand immunity platform.