This is the first episode in a series looking at the emotional development of our children and how it affects their mental health longer term.
We hear regularly now that mental health illnesses are bringing the NHS to its knees, and costing BILLIONS of pounds, so I wanted to invite some experts on to rummage a bit beneath the surface. We know that 50% of all mental health issues are established by the age of 14 and so as parents, how can we ensure that we are giving our children not just 5 a day for physical health, but have a strategy that ensures good mental and emotional health too.
I go by a system that I call the ABC, it's simple and pulls me back time and time again to remind me of the essentials of knowing my children and being there for them as they grow and discover who they are and what they need to navigate their way through life.
This starts with A, being available. We juggle such busy lives these days, and charge around doing our best to provide and achieve so that we can give the best opportunities to our children and live a full life ourselves however I think sometimes we can be so busily focussed on building those things for the future, with our eyes on tomorrow, that perhaps we miss out on engaging with some of the more simple necessities of the moment.
Children need to be heard, at every single age and stage, we all do. It's not about rolling over and letting the child get their way, it's about letting them feel heard. When someone stops to listen to what we have to say, the very fact that they listen, tells us that we matter, that what we want counts, whether or not we get it is almost irrelevant – but often when we are busy, doing all the things we need to do to run our homes, our families, our work and businesses, working hard so we can pay the bills, perhaps afford a nice holiday and pay for all the technology we have, it's easy to miss the basics we so often form the foundation to some of the bigger issues further down the road. By connecting regularly with our children and truly hearing and seeing them, we affirm who they are and demonstrate to them that we love who they are, right now, today.
Second up is B for build them up. Brene Brown says in one of her famous Ted talks that courage comes from the word cour which means heart. So if courage means to go with your heart, to encourage surely means for us to spur on someone else to go with their heart. All of our children have different strengths and weaknesses, isms and ways, they aren't all programmed the same and they have real struggles, some more than others. As parents we can help our children become stronger by building them up firstly by loving them for who they are, not who we want them to be and secondly by building them up by helping them find strategies and ways to understand their own difficulties and get through or around them one way or another. School for some is hell on earth, friendships don't come easy for everyone, and let's face it, life isn't easy for anyone but it is so much more doable when we know we are loved for who we are and feel supported by those who matter.
It's easy to encourage and celebrate when children get a good mark in school or score a goal or beat a record, or do a great performance on stage and of course those things have their place, however if we only celebrate those victories, we continue to recreate this culture that values achievement and performance over everything else – building our children up means in every way, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Finally we come to C – to care for ourselves so that we are able to care for our children. Like in an aeroplane, when there is an emergency, you need the gas mask first otherwise you are no good to anyone else – it's the same with parenting. We need to be in a good place so that we can give to our children without the need for return.
There are clips in this episode taken from the episodes which will follow – we hear from Dr Dominique Thompson, author of How To Grow A Grown Up, children's author Michael Rosen, addictions therapist Mandy Saligari and parenting guru, possibly one of the most influential authors on parenting in the world, Steve Biddulph
You can find us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram as @thePpodcast and of course, all the podcasts themselves are available on Apple Podcasts, Google Play and Spotify as The Parenting Podcast
The next episodes are:
002 – Dr Dominique Thompson on Generation Z, understanding the world they live in and coping with screens, social media and other pressures of modern life
003 – Michael Rosen on the power of relationship and connection, invention and discovery
004 – Mandy Saligari, understanding and preventing addictions, managing emotions and learning to talk
005 – Steve Biddulph on raising happy children in the midst of today's busy lifestyles
Dr Dominique Thompson's books are:
- How To Grow A Grown Up
- Anxiety at University
- Depression at University
- Staying Well and Safe at University
- Resourcefulness at University
Dominique's Ted talk "What I learned from 78,000 GP consultations with University students" and What Young People Wish We Knew
Michael Rosen's Book of Play
Mandy Saligari Proactive Parenting book and Ted talk "Feelings, Handle Them Before They Handle You"
Steve Biddulph's books:
- Complete Secrets of Happy Children
- Raising Boys in the 21st Century
- Raising Girls in the 21st Century
- 10 Things Girls Need Most To Grow Up Strong and Free
- Manhood
