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Scripture:

The same night he got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had. Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” So he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, yet my life is preserved.” The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip. Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the thigh muscle that is on the hip socket, because he struck Jacob on the hip socket at the thigh muscle.

Consider:

A couple of weeks ago at Little League Baseball, the 8 year old Shortstop on the other team got hit in the head with a baseball. He misjudged both the speed and trajectory of the ball and it went over the top of his glove and landed with a fairly loud thud on his forehead. Somehow, the ball miraculously bounced off the kid’s head right into the 3rd baseman’s glove for an out, who then threw it to first base to catch the runner who had not tagged up. The Shortstop’s head got a double play. And a concussion.

Most of the team shook it off and kept playing, using the unique power of the young male brain to forget those things can happen to them too. But not Henry. He’s been afraid the entire season. We’ve been slowly coaxing him out of that fear by promising the ball wouldn’t hurt him as long as his glove was between his body and the ball. He’s gotten bolder and stronger throughout the season, braver. He’d started making better plays and not running away from it when it passed. Right before Forehead gate he actually got his first hit all season.

By the time of the next game he’d lost every ounce of bravery. Every time the ball came towards him he turned away, forgetting the safety of the glove. One time he literally ran away from a ground ball which died on the ground 5 steps behind him. The fear of the ball was back as he’d had time to contemplate and remember.

Our culture has an unspoken expectation we are just supposed to “get over it”. We tell kids to get up and brush it off, they are fine. Or we’ll tell them their fear of the dark is silly with off-hand comments like “there is nothing there in the dark that wasn’t there during the day.” I’m rubber your glue dismisses the lasting pain of words bullies in both the adult and children varieties hurl our way. We are supposed to forget, move past it, let it go.

And sometimes it is right to get up and get going, but often times it ignores the permanency of some of our scars. There is no way to predict which comments will revolve in our heads for years to come, or which difficult circumstances seem to overwhelm our courage, or why some events leave lasting memories in our hearts. But some do. There is no moving past those kinds of scars, we only learn to live with them like a unwelcome friend we have to invite because we’ve known them so long.

When pain changes your view of yourself and the world, it’s a holy act to recognize the change and make space for it in the inventory of your memories. Pretending it doesn’t exist only gives it permission to pop-up in unexpected times and places. Placing it on the shelf where it belongs allows us to revisit it when necessary, but to move it out of the way when we no longer need it.

Respond:

A highly effective technique when those scars rear their ugly head is called The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method. It uses your five senses to pull your brain out of the fight-or-flight loop and anchor you back into the present moment. Let’s practice.

* Acknowledge 5 things you can SEE: Look around you and name five objects out loud or in your head. Try to pick things you wouldn’t normally notice—like a scratch on the floor, a reflection on a window, or a specific book on a shelf.

* Acknowledge 4 things you can TOUCH: Notice the physical sensations of four things around you. It could be the texture of your shirt, the hard surface of the chair supporting you, the cold smooth surface of a desk, or the feeling of your feet flat against the ground. Spend a moment feeling each one.

* Acknowledge 3 things you can HEAR: Listen closely to your environment. Name three distinct sounds. It might be the hum of a refrigerator, traffic outside, birds chirping, or even the sound of your own steady breathing.’

* Acknowledge 2 things you can SMELL: Identify two smells. If you can’t smell anything immediately, look for things that have a scent—like the smell of your coffee, soap on your hands, a candle, or even the scent of the air in the room.

* Acknowledge 1 thing you can TASTE: Focus on one thing you can taste right now. It might be the lingering taste of toothpaste, a mint, or just the inside of your mouth. If you can’t taste anything, simply swallow and notice that sensation.

Pray:

God, when life takes me through valleys I do not understand, help me trust that You are still working. Teach me to surrender the illusion of control and depend fully on You. Help me trust that even painful detours will be used to shape my character and deepen my faith. Amen.

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