The Planted & The Poured

Is confidence something you’re born with, or is it something you can build?

In this episode, I’m doing what I call “I Did the Homework,” taking the research about what people are talking about online and breaking it down into what it actually means for our everyday lives. This week, I'm discussing how confidence develops, what shapes the way we see ourselves, and why the experiences we have, the messages we receive, and the opportunities we’re given can influence what we believe we’re capable of. More importantly, we’ll talk about what this research can teach us about building confidence in ourselves and helping the girls and women in our lives develop it, too.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.References:

There were too many references to list here, but feel free to check out the references section of my dissertation defense (or read the whole thing if you're bored!): https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1E3j9nulvvGbWPlSkGcNQ7O8a3kY70Pu6/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=107714059046906708496&rtpof=true&sd=true

What are we teaching girls about sex, beauty, relationships, and their worth?

In this episode of The Planted & The Poured, we explore the messages girls receive about female sexuality, physical appearance, desirability, and what it means to be valued. Prompted in part by the conversations surrounding Jane Doe and the Cornell 7, this episode looks beyond the headlines to ask a bigger question: How do we help girls grow into women who understand their worth without measuring it by someone else's attention?

As a middle school teacher, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the messages young girls absorb from social media, relationships, popular culture, and the adults around them. I also reflect on my own experiences growing up and the desire to feel pretty, wanted, and accepted.

This isn't a conversation about shaming women for their choices or telling girls to hide their bodies. It's about helping the next generation develop a healthy understanding of sexuality, build strong boundaries, recognize healthy relationships, and understand that being desired isn't the same as being valued. In this episode, we explore how the desire to belong can influence the way girls see themselves and approach relationships, cultural expectations around women's sexuality and empowerment, and why girls need to understand healthy boundaries and relationship standards before they're under pressure. We also discuss small, practical ways parents, teachers, mentors, and other trusted adults can model healthier messages for young girls.

Whether you're raising a daughter, mentoring young women, or reflecting on your own experiences, this episode is an invitation to consider the messages we're passing down and how we can help girls build a sense of self that extends far beyond their appearance or someone else's approval.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠⁠⁠.

In this episode of The Planted & The Poured, we’re unpacking 5 lies that keep us safe and the hard truths underneath them. These are the beliefs that can start as thoughts, become patterns, and eventually feel like facts. We’ll talk about negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, shame, comparison, fear, anxiety, perfectionism, and the ways our brains can use painful stories as protection. Sometimes a lie feels safer than the truth. If I believe I’m unlovable, I don’t have to risk vulnerability. If I believe I’m stuck, I don’t have to risk trying. If I expect the worst, I can convince myself I’m prepared for whatever happens.

We’ll explore the difference between conviction and condemnation, responsibility and shame, preparation and catastrophizing, and being stuck versus having a pattern that can change. This episode is an invitation to slow down and question the stories you’ve been carrying with honesty, faith, and a little more compassion for yourself.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠⁠⁠.

You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you’re not powerless. This episode is about agency, acceptance, and the difference between making peace with reality and resigning yourself to it. We’re talking about hard seasons, small choices, creating pockets of joy, and learning to cultivate something good even when the circumstances aren’t what you would have chosen.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠⁠.

What if you can forgive someone and still remember exactly what happened? What if you could still acknowledge that it was wrong, have boundaries, or choose not to trust them again? We’re often told to “just forgive,” but real forgiveness can be so much more complicated, especially when the person who hurt you never apologizes, never changes, or doesn't seem to deserve it.

In this episode, we’re getting into the hard, uncomfortable, deeply human side of forgiveness. We’ll talk about the difference between forgiveness and forgetting, why forgiveness doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook, and what it can look like to choose forgiveness again and again when the hurt still feels very real.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠.

Even in our healthiest relationships, we’re going to get it wrong. We’re going to say the wrong thing, lose our temper, misunderstand each other, or hurt someone we love without ever intending to. In this episode, we’re talking about what it actually means to repair after we’ve caused hurt. We’ll unpack the difference between a real apology and a fake one, why accountability matters, how to acknowledge impact without denying your intentions, and why saying “I’m sorry” means very little if nothing changes afterward.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠.

Disagreement is inevitable when you bring two imperfect people with different needs, opinions, and experiences together. In this episode, we’re talking about how to fight without turning against each other: how to listen without needing to agree, validate without surrendering your perspective, address behavior instead of attacking character, recognize unhealthy patterns, and know when to pause without abandoning the conversation. The goal isn't to never disagree; it's to remember that it's you and the other person versus the problem, not you versus them.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠.

How much of who you are today was shaped by your childhood, and how much can actually change?

In this first episode of our "I Did the Homework" series, I’m going down the research rabbit hole to find out whether we really can outgrow the people, patterns, and experiences that shaped us growing up. We’ll talk about what childhood adversity can mean for us as adults, why positive childhood experiences matter too, whether personality can actually change, and the role our relationships and life experiences play in who we become.

References:

Allemand, M., & Flückiger, C. (2022). Personality change through digital-coaching interventions. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 31(1), 41–48. https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214211067782

Bleidorn, W., Hopwood, C. J., Back, M. D., Denissen, J. J. A., Hennecke, M., Hill, P. L., Jokela, M., Kandler, C., Lucas, R. E., Luhmann, M., Orth, U., Roberts, B. W., Wagner, J., Wrzus, C., & Zimmermann, J. (2021). Personality trait stability and change. Personality Science, 2(1). https://doi.org/10.5964/ps.6009

Buchanan, M., Walker, G., Boden, J. M., Mansoor, Z., & Newton-Howes, G. (2023). Protective factors for psychosocial outcomes following cumulative childhood adversity: Systematic review. BJPsych Open, 9(6), e197. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjo.2023.561

Han, D., Dieujuste, N., Doom, J. R., & Narayan, A. J. (2023). A systematic review of positive childhood experiences and adult outcomes: Promotive and protective processes for resilience in the context of childhood adversity. Child Abuse & Neglect, 144, 106346. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2023.106346

Huang, C. X., Halfon, N., Sastry, N., Chung, P. J., & Schickedanz, A. (2023). Positive childhood experiences and adult health outcomes. Pediatrics, 152(1), e2022060951. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2022-060951

McKay, M. T., Cannon, M., Chambers, D., Conroy, R. M., Coughlan, H., Dodd, P., Healy, C., O'Donnell, L., & Clarke, M. C. (2021). Childhood trauma and adult mental disorder: A systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal cohort studies. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 143(3), 189–205. https://doi.org/10.1111/acps.13268

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠.

Dolly Parton is known for her big hair, music, and larger-than-life personality. But the woman underneath all of it was even more incredible.

In this episode, I’m honoring the late Dolly Parton by reflecting on some of the things she taught us about being human: staying true to yourself, using what you’ve been given, treating people well, and finding ways to make your life meaningful.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠⁠.

Sometimes we need help but don't know how to ask, or we're afraid of being a burden. And sometimes we don't know how to offer our help to others in a meaningful way.

In this episode, we're talking about what it means to show up for people in the hard seasons of life, from postpartum and new motherhood to grief, burnout, and everything in between. I’m sharing what Embrace Grace has taught me about practical support, why “let me know if you need anything” isn't always enough, and some simple ways we can make it easier for people to accept help.

And if you're the one who needs help? I want you to know that asking for it doesn't make you weak, incapable, or a bad person.

If you or someone you love needs help, here are some places to start. You don't have to know exactly what you need before reaching out.

Findhelp.org: A free resource for finding local assistance with food, housing, transportation, healthcare, childcare, financial assistance, employment, counseling, and more. Enter your ZIP code to find resources in your area.
Findhelp.org

211: If you don't know where to start, call 211. This nationwide information and referral service can connect you with local resources for housing, food, utilities, healthcare, childcare, transportation, mental-health support, and more.
United Way 211

Postpartum Support International: For pregnancy, postpartum, or pregnancy/postpartum loss, PSI offers support, education, support groups, referrals, and a HelpLine for parents and families. You don't need to wait until you're in crisis to reach out.
Postpartum Support International

ACOG: Postpartum Depression: A trusted medical resource explaining postpartum depression, symptoms, treatment, and when to talk with a healthcare professional.
ACOG: Postpartum Depression

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental-health or emotional crisis, call or text 988 for free, confidential support, 24/7.
988 Lifeline

If someone is experiencing thoughts of hurting themselves or their baby, or symptoms such as hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, or severe confusion, seek immediate medical attention.

I'd love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or ideas for future episodes through the Seeds of Conversation form: ⁠https://forms.gle/ioPAQSq8GhQ8L1Gp7⁠.