Recently, I was watching a tiktok where a young woman spoke quite passionately about a flare of controversy shooting up from the flaming heap of online cultural conversation. It wasn’t about politics, it was about how a woman chose to portray herself in a work of art.

This young woman had opinions.

I had a reaction, a swift flash of judgement that mirrored the passion of the woman on the small screen.

I tried to figure out why this video irked me. Maybe because I’m still figuring out how to use social media effectively and this woman clearly knows how to do that. Her intense conviction, rapid fire delivery, artfully torn jeans (which we could see because her knee was drawn up to her chin, which struck me as a mannered posture), was tiktok ready, and it’s clear why she has a large following.

I noticed my judgement at a conventionally attractive young, thin, white woman with long hair and very heavy make-up questioning norms around female appearance and sexual expression.

My internal judgement is a warning sign to me, and I got curious about it. Surely we all get to show up as we want in the world, whether we choose to conform to accepted norms or not. Don’t we? It got me thinking about ways in which we judge ourselves and others, ways in which we all, male and female, subtly or overtly critique the ways in which other people move through the world.

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