Friendships are things we don’t often think too much about. We just have friends and we enjoy they’re company and that’s it. But there is such incredible power in a God–ordained friendship. And God … God means for us to lay a hold of that power.

 

Laying Down Your Life

Today we're continuing on in a series of messages that I've called, "A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed" and I really want to take a look at the heart of friendship, what friendship is all about because I wonder whether in this disposable world in which we live whether we're only too prepared to trash friends who don't suit us. People who don't always tell us what we want to hear, people who don't pander to our whims.

Now don't get me wrong I believe there are some people that we all know that we shouldn't have as close friends because they'll do us more harm than good. We talked about that last week on the program. But we live in increasingly in a world where there are so many other distractions, well if our friends are a bit too difficult to get on with we just ditch them and we immerse ourselves in a rapidly growing range of entertainment options.

And that is, in fact, what a lot of people are doing. They're kind of cocooning themselves in things that please them and in so doing withdrawing step by step from meaningful friendships.

It kind of works for a while but my what a lonely place that ends up being. I wonder where you are right now in your life when it comes to the friendship stakes? When some young lawyer – schooled in the Old Testament Law of Moses, which is what lawyers in the 1st Century of Israel relied on – when this lawyer asks Jesus in effect, "Out of all the commandments in the law (and there are, the scholars tell me, around six hundred and thirteen commandments) which ones were the most important." Jesus was very quick to answer. Mark chapter 12, verse 29-34:

The first is, ‘Hear O Israel the Lord our God the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength'. The second is 'you shall love your neighbour as yourself'. There is no other commandment greater than these. Then the Scribe said to him, 'you're right teacher, you have truly said that he is one and besides him there is no other and to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength and to love one's neighbour as one self. This is much more important than all the burnt offerings and sacrifices'. When Jesus saw that he'd answered wisely he said to him, 'you are not far from the kingdom of God'. After that no one dared to ask him any more questions.

And the thing that really leaps out for me in this is not so much the bit about loving God, I mean as absolutely vital as that is, you kind of expect the Son of God to say that. The bit that kind of leaps out for me is that we should love our neighbours as ourselves and the Scribe, the lawyer replies, "You're right, Rabboni!" In fact loving God and loving others, well those things are so much more important than any religious ritual we'd care to name.

Loving our neighbours, making friends, serving them with all that we are is more important than sitting in a Church and singing songs or listening to a sermon, as important as all those things of course are. The word here for love is "Agape" which means unconditional love, sacrificial love and the word used for neighbour is "Friend". You shall love your friends with all that you are unconditionally, without reservation and sacrificially.

This is precisely what Jesus is saying here and it follows right on from loving God with all that we are. In fact it's the flip side of that coin if you will. Now if we should love our friends as we love ourselves then let’s stop and think for a minute, how is it that we love ourselves? Do we care for ourselves, provide for ourselves, protect ourselves, nurture ourselves? Yeah, by and large we do.

And if we didn't have a roof over our heads we'd do everything we could to get one. If we didn't have food to eat we'd do everything we could to get food. If we were drowning we'd do everything we possibly could to get air and survive. It turns out that not only do we have a strong survival instinct, we have rather a strong provision instinct. We want to survive and thrive and we do what we need to do to make those things happen.

So right here Jesus is actually saying, that's how you love you now love your friends in exactly the same way. Do you see the power of what He's saying here? Take this survive and thrive love that we have for ourselves and in exactly the same way that you apply it to yourself, Jesus is saying to you and to me, apply it to your friends, to your neighbours.

Now when it comes to doing the whole "survive and thrive" love for ourselves, by and large, it's pretty much not a sacrifice. We look after ourselves, we look after our family, we provide for them, we're kind of hard wired to do that. Making sure that I'm safe and I'm fed and I'm well provided for.

Okay I have to get up each morning and I have to go to work to earn a crust to make that happen. I just can't lounge around in front of the television all day. But that's not a sacrifice, it's just what I do for me and for my family and yet when we take the love we have for ourselves and we start doing with it what Jesus is saying here, loving our friends the way we love ourselves all of sudden it can seem like a huge sacrifice.

Can I tell you something? Love is always a sacrifice and this unconditional love that Jesus is calling each one of us to have for our friends can be a huge sacrifice. Unconditional love, agape love comes at a price because it's unconditional and Jesus is calling us to fire Him into loving our friends with that sort of love and as He does that He makes it abundantly clear that it's going to cost us something. Matthew chapter 16, verse 24:

Jesus told his disciples, 'if any one wants to become one of my followers let them deny themselves and to take up their cross and follow me.'

Loving friends – loving them the way God means for us to love them, loving them in the way that is so much more important than any religious ritual under the sun – is about laying down our lives for them. It's about putting their needs before our needs. It's about sacrificing what we want for them. Do you see how radically different Gods take on friendship is from the worlds approach?

Many people have friends because of what they can get out of the friend. Companionship, maybe money or a business deal or a good time and when they're no longer of any use we just kind of toss them on the scrap heap. Done with them, no good to me anymore, move on.

And yet the people whom we choose as friends we're meant to love with all the drive that we have to love ourselves to survive and to thrive, with all the instinct we have to provide for ourselves we're meant to take that drive and that instinct and love our friends with that. Unconditionally in the same way that we love ourselves, dying to self, sacrificing for our friends and in Gods scheme of things this comes second to only loving God Himself with all that we are.

Being a friend means laying down our lives, being a friend means being there for someone no matter how badly they maybe acting up right now. It's about denying ourselves, taking up that grizzly brutal cross of sacrifice and following Jesus.

 

The Jonathan Story

When we talk about friendship there's one young man, Jonathan, whose story in the Old Testament book of 1 Samuel, I simply can't go past. I want to unpack that story a bit more with you today because it's like a powerful case study of what we've just been talking about. Now we met Jonathan, King Saul’s son, last week on the program.

Saul had been appointed king against God’s will and counsel, mind you, and after some initial successes he turned out to be something of a disaster and so God had the Prophet Samuel anoint a new king in young David but as Gods favour and the people's support and all the success shifted away from Saul onto David as his anointed successor King Saul became incredibly jealous and bitter and twisted and several times he tries to have David killed.

So young David spends several years on the run from Saul during which time Saul tries to kill him, as I said, a number of times. Yet time and time again God saves him through a friend Jonathan, Saul’s son. Let’s have a read, 1 Samuel chapter 19 beginning at verse 1:

Saul spoke with his son Jonathan and with all his servants about killing David. Saul’s son Jonathan took great delight in David. Jonathan told David, 'my father Saul is trying to kill you therefore be on guard tomorrow morning, stay in a secret place and hide yourself.

It turns out that Saul’s son, the very man who according to human logic should be next in line for the throne, decides to save David his life. You have to ask yourself why? Because Jonathan took great delight in David, that's what it says, 1 Samuel chapter 19, verse 1. Something somehow inside Jonathan clicked, he could see what everyone else could see, he could see the almighty hand of God on David's life, he could see the power of God on David, the favour of God on David. He could see the humility and power, the goodness of this man David who had been anointed as the next king.

And so he chose to become David's friend. He stands up to his all powerful father, King Saul, and he defends David at some risk you'd have to say to his own position … even to his own life. Remember Saul was the king, Saul could have him struck down and killed, such was the power of the king. And this wasn't the only time that Jonathan stepped in to save David, he did it several times as David emerged as Saul’s rival for the throne.

David was travelling through the country with hundreds of fighting men and blind Freddy could see he was going to be king sometime soon. I mean blind Freddy could see that Saul was on his way out and it's in this context that the thing that really intrigues me is that instead of crossing over into David’s camp, instead of deserting his despotic father Jonathan stays with the king as it turns out to the bitter end. Why? Why would Jonathan have done that?

I remember a great scene in my favourite British comedy Yes Prime Minister when the Prime Minister asks his personal private assistant Bernard Wooley, he said, "Bernard whose side is the civil service on?" And Bernard with a smirk answers, "oh Prime Minister, the winning side". It's funny but it cuts so close to the bone because when there's rivalry what we naturally want to do is to position ourselves on the winning side so that we can have an ongoing role in the victory and what happens thereafter.

But instead Jonathan positions himself deliberately on the losing side. Why? Well it turns out that he does it for his friend David because that wasn't the only time when Jonathans position as his father King Saul’s son was able to be used to save David’s life. He did it several times and in the end, because Saul has so badly turned against God, because of his despotic sinful behaviour to cling to power, because Saul consults a medium, God allows Saul and his sons to be killed in battle. Let’s have a read, 1 Samuel chapter 31 beginning at verse 1:

Now the Philistines fought hard against Israel and the men of Israel fled before the Philistines and many fell on Mount Gilboa. The Philistines overtook Saul and his sons and the Philistines killed Jonathan and Abinadab and Malki-Shua the sons of Saul. The battle pressed hard upon Saul, the archers found him and he was badly wounded.

Then Saul said to his armour bearer, 'draw your sword and thrust me through with it so that these uncircumcised may not come and thrust me through and make sport of me.' But his armour bearer was unwilling for he was terrified so Saul took his own sword and fell upon it. When his armour bearer saw that Saul was dead he also fell on his sword and died with him.

So Saul and his three sons and his armour bearer and all his men died together on that same day. When the men of Israel who were on the other side of the valley and those beyond the Jordan saw that the men of Israel had fled and that Saul and his sons were dead they forsook their towns and fled too and the Philistines came and occupied them.

It turns out that Jonathan perished with Saul because he hung onto the losing camp in order to protect his friend David who went on to become king. He laid down his life for David and that, that's what according to God a friend is. Someone who'll lay down their life for us. It's precisely the sort of friend you and I are looking for and can I tell you it's precisely the sort of friend that God is calling you and me to be?

Is it hard sometimes, when everything and everyone is screaming at us to save their own skins and ditch our friends when push comes to shove? Does it hurt sometimes to sacrifice for our friends? You bet you it does! I mean you bet you but without that sort of commitment what does friendship really stand for? Is it just two people using one another or is there a soul connection? Is it an expression of unconditional love of God that He showed to you and me when He sent His Son Jesus to die for us on that cross?

I'm a preacher and from time to time I guess I've been known to preach up a storm but the greatest sermon I will ever, ever preach is the way I live my life, the sort of friend that I am, what I'm prepared to sacrifice. The degree to which I'm prepared to take up that grizzly cross and follow Jesus out into the lives of those who need to know Him. That's the greatest sermon you and I will ever preach.

 

The Jesus Story

And we're going to do that by looking at Jesus, I mean what better way to do that. Jesus is born as a baby in Bethlehem, He grows up in Nazareth, I mean it's humble surroundings as a carpenters son. Did He have friends as a lad? Well that's not something we really see but we have to imagine that He did and then one day it's time to step out from His role as a carpenters son and some time in His early thirties, He begins His public ministry with His baptism in the Jordan River by John the Baptist.

And not long after that He starts to call some disciples to His side. Now He had lots of disciples, a disciple was someone who followed a Rabbi and Jesus the Rabbi had lots of them. He was doing amazing miracles; He was speaking in ways people just didn't expect. Have a listen, if you've got a Bible grab it, we're looking at Matthew chapter 4 beginning at verse 23:

Jesus went through Galilee teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and curing every disease and every sickness among the people. So his fame spread through all Syria and they brought to him all the sick, those who were afflicted with various diseases and pains and demoniacs, epileptics, paralytics and he cured them all and great crowds followed him from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea and from beyond the Jordan.

But out of those great crowds he chose twelve … just twelve disciples, Matthew chapter 10 beginning at verse 2:

These are the names of the twelve apostles. First Simon also known as Peter and his brother Andrew, James son of Zebedee and his brother John, Philip and Bartholomew, Thomas and Matthew the tax collector, James son of Alphaeus and Thaddaeus, Simon the Canaanite and Judas Iscariot the one who betrayed him.

He did that because He knew that if His ministry was going to live on beyond His time here on earth, if the coming of the Son of God was going to have an impact a hundred years on, a thousand years on, two thousand years on and more He was going to have to pass on His passion and His teaching to a handful of others who would pass it on to more and more across the world and down through the ages.

And when you stop and think about it what He knew was ultimately that it was friendship that was going to change the world. Doesn't that blow you away? Without those friends, without those apostles you and I wouldn't be sitting here believing in Jesus today. The Church exists today, Gods Word is being preached today, lives are being transformed today, people are meeting Jesus today because friendship was and remains the corner stone of Gods plan to reconcile people back to Him. Just let that sink in for a minute.

Do you see? Friendship isn't some side story, it's the main story and these disciples lived with Jesus, travelled with Jesus, were admonished by Jesus, watched how the Son of God handled Himself, saw His miracles. All this happened because He chose them and He drew them close and He called them friends. He was their Rabbi, they were His learners which is what the word "disciple" really means, to be a learner and they lived with Him on the road for the best part, I guess, of three and a half years.

This Rabbi/disciple relationship was very much a hierarchical relationship according to the tradition of Jews, the Rabbi up there, pupil down here and the pupils in many respects were indentured to the Rabbi but after all they went through together, toward the end when He was about to be crucified, just stop and have a listen to what Jesus says to His disciples about friendship. John chapter 15 beginning at verse 12:

This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this than to lay down ones life for ones friends. You are my friends, if you do what I command you to do. I don't call you servants any longer because the servant does not know what the master is doing but I've called you friends because I've made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You didn't choose me, I chose you and I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last so that the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

Wow! No longer were they just students, no longer were they like indentured servants or slaves but in love they'd become Jesus friends and because they were His friends He was going to show them the greatest act of friendship by literally laying down His life for them. He was opening up His relationship with His Father to them by telling them, revealing to them what God was all about in sending Jesus to live and to walk and to speak and to heal and to suffer and to die and to rise again here on this earth.

It was in what the Holy Spirit revealed to them about the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ that Gods family, the Church, was born here on this earth and now lives on through the lives of billions of people every day. And by making them His friends, by making us Jesus friends … you and me, through this amazing sacrifice of His, He's now calling us as a direct result and consequence of His friendship to go out and to bear fruit, to go out and to change the world, to go out and to be Jesus to a lost and hurting world in desperate need of knowing about and experiencing the amazing love and friendship of God through Jesus Christ. Do you get it?

That's why this is the flip side of loving the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. The second thing is just like the first; love your neighbour as yourself. Have you put your trust in Jesus? If the answer's yes then you are His friend, no longer an enemy of God, not only His servant but His friend, blessed by the greatest act of friendship in all of history. The death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ the Son of God for you. Set free, forgiven by the price He paid for you on that Cross.

Set free to live a new life through His victory over death. With a door to the eternal love and friendship of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit flung wide open, the welcome mat put out, the table set so that forever you can fellowship with your God.

Now if that ain't a model of friendship for you and me to live out here on this earth then I just simply don't know what is. It all started when God called you and God called me to be His friend. It all started because first He loved us, that's what friendship is. Friendship takes the first step, friendship just doesn't sit there and say, "you know that guy over there is a pain in the neck, there is no way I'm going to serve him."

You know what God does? God sometimes points us to that pain in the neck over there and says, "Go and love that person, go and serve that person, go and be Jesus to that person just in the same way as this Jesus came to this earth to die for you, to suffer for you so that you may be my friend." This is what God is calling us to, not just to worship Him with words but to worship Him with our lives by being someone else’s friend.