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The Power of Silence
Draw on the power of silence. You can try this one out not just in a formal negotiation setting, but also at home with your kids, spouse or partner, at work, at school, or in any discussion.
Silence can be a powerful tool for many reasons. One of the most critical -- and deceptively simple -- is that it gives us a chance to listen to what the other person is saying. I mean, actually LISTEN. Leaving some air space after your counterpart speaks lets you process what's being said without feeling a need to push back immediately.
When someone else is talking, do you find yourself thinking about what you'll say next before the other person is finished? True listening is crucial but can be challenging; periods of silence make it easier.
And you'll find, too, that when you're comfortable allowing for strategic silence in your discussion, your counterpart will be tempted to fill the void and continue speaking. Most people are bothered by a conversation pause and will face an instinctive urge to talk during a break of even a second or two. So go with it. Let them talk. Listen.
The more the other person speaks, too, the more he or she can "vent." You might be surprised how moving past that verbal and emotional venting will then allow you to:
* learn from what the other side is saying;
* make the other person more comfortable and feel he or she is being heard; and then
* use that information and person's comfort level to refocus on more productive discourse.
Often -- and this can be counter-intuitive -- the less a person speaks, the more control and power that person gains in a discussion.
So embrace the silence. It will be tempting to deliver counter-jabs and speak when the conversation lulls, especially during heated moments. However, if you can resist, and if you truly commit to listening and understanding what the other side is saying, the more effective you'll be in harnessing the power of silence and ultimately resolving your differences.
Get full access to The Stoic Negotiator™ at stoicnegotiator.substack.com/subscribe
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By Doug WittenDraw on the power of silence. You can try this one out not just in a formal negotiation setting, but also at home with your kids, spouse or partner, at work, at school, or in any discussion.
Silence can be a powerful tool for many reasons. One of the most critical -- and deceptively simple -- is that it gives us a chance to listen to what the other person is saying. I mean, actually LISTEN. Leaving some air space after your counterpart speaks lets you process what's being said without feeling a need to push back immediately.
When someone else is talking, do you find yourself thinking about what you'll say next before the other person is finished? True listening is crucial but can be challenging; periods of silence make it easier.
And you'll find, too, that when you're comfortable allowing for strategic silence in your discussion, your counterpart will be tempted to fill the void and continue speaking. Most people are bothered by a conversation pause and will face an instinctive urge to talk during a break of even a second or two. So go with it. Let them talk. Listen.
The more the other person speaks, too, the more he or she can "vent." You might be surprised how moving past that verbal and emotional venting will then allow you to:
* learn from what the other side is saying;
* make the other person more comfortable and feel he or she is being heard; and then
* use that information and person's comfort level to refocus on more productive discourse.
Often -- and this can be counter-intuitive -- the less a person speaks, the more control and power that person gains in a discussion.
So embrace the silence. It will be tempting to deliver counter-jabs and speak when the conversation lulls, especially during heated moments. However, if you can resist, and if you truly commit to listening and understanding what the other side is saying, the more effective you'll be in harnessing the power of silence and ultimately resolving your differences.
Get full access to The Stoic Negotiator™ at stoicnegotiator.substack.com/subscribe