Series: Authentic Relationships

Service: Praise and Preaching Service

Type: Sermon

Speaker: Dwayne Gandy

The Role of Forgiveness in Building Authentic Relationships

Introduction: Why Forgiveness Matters

There are few experiences more painful than feeling unwanted or unforgiven. Most of us, at one point or another, have carried the heavy burden of fractured relationships—times when we apologized, tried to restore trust, and yet still walked away with the uneasy feeling that forgiveness had not been granted. That lack of closure gnaws at the heart and makes it nearly impossible to move forward in an authentic way.

Forgiveness is not just a theological concept tucked away in Scripture. It is the heartbeat of Christian relationships. Whether with God or with each other, forgiveness is the lifeblood that keeps relationships alive, healthy, and authentic. Without it, bitterness festers, trust crumbles, and love is choked out. With it, grace flourishes, relationships heal, and the church becomes a living testimony of God’s mercy.

This article explores why forgiveness is so essential, drawing from the Bible’s teaching, real stories from Scripture, and practical steps we can take. We will see that forgiveness is not optional—it is central to what it means to follow Jesus and to live in authentic community.

Forgiveness in the Teaching of Jesus

Near the end of His earthly ministry, Jesus performed a curious miracle. As He approached Jerusalem, He cursed a barren fig tree, and by the next day, the tree was withered to its roots. The disciples marveled, but Jesus used the moment to teach them about faith and prayer. He explained that faith-filled prayer could move mountains. Then He added a sobering warning:

“Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”
— Mark 11:25–26

Think about the weight of that statement. The same Jesus who said prayer can move mountains also said that unforgiveness can neutralize prayer. That truth should shake us. Forgiveness is not optional—it is a prerequisite for effective prayer and for receiving God’s forgiveness ourselves.

Jesus repeated this principle in other places. In Luke 6:37 and Matthew 6:14–15, He clearly stated that if we withhold forgiveness from others, God will withhold His forgiveness from us. In Luke 17:3–4, He went even further, telling His disciples to forgive a brother even if he sinned against them seven times in a single day. In Matthew 18:22, He expanded it to “seventy times seven,” teaching us that forgiveness is meant to be unlimited.

The message is clear: God’s people are called to practice radical, repeated, and complete forgiveness.

The Call to Unlimited Forgiveness

When we hear “seventy times seven,” our minds do the math: 490 times. But Jesus was not setting a numerical limit; He was describing forgiveness without limit. After all, if we’re honest, haven’t each of us sinned against God more than 490 times in our lives? And yet, every time we come to Him in repentance, He forgives us fully.

Forgiveness is not only about frequency but also about depth. It extends to small slights and to devastating betrayals alike. As Paul reminded the Ephesians:

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:31–32

Paul also echoed the same teaching in Colossians 3:12–14, urging believers to put on compassion, kindness, humility, and forgiveness, “even as Christ forgave you.” The key is recognizing how much God has forgiven us. If we think our sins against God are small, we will forgive sparingly. But if we grasp the enormity of our rebellion against Him, we will forgive generously.

Forgiveness in Action: Joseph and His Brothers

It’s one thing to read verses about forgiveness. It’s another to see forgiveness lived out in real life. The Bible gives us powerful examples, and perhaps none more dramatic than the story of Joseph and his brothers.

Joseph was not just teased or mistreated by his siblings. He was hated, betrayed, stripped of his coat, thrown into a pit, and sold into slavery for twenty pieces of silver. His brothers watched him beg for his life while they ate a meal nearby, and then they profited off his suffering by selling him to traveling merchants.

Years later, Joseph rose to power in Egypt, becoming second only to Pharaoh. During a devastating famine, his brothers came to him for food. He had every opportunity to exact revenge, to make them suffer as they had made him suffer. But when the moment of revelation came, Joseph wept and declared:

“I am Joseph your brother, whom you sold into Egypt. But now, do not be grieved or angry with yourselves… for God sent me before you to preserve life.”
— Genesis 45:4–5

Notice what Joseph did:

1. He acknowledged the wrong — “You sold me.”
2. He released them from guilt — “Do not be grieved or angry with yourselves.”
3. He focused on God’s purpose — “God sent me before you to preserve life.”
4. He made no demands for repayment.

Even when their father Jacob died and his brothers feared Joseph might finally take revenge, Joseph reassured them again:

“Do not be afraid; you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” (Genesis 50:20)

Joseph showed that forgiveness is not about waiting for the offender to grovel long enough. It is about choosing to release them and focusing on God’s sovereignty.

Forgiveness in Action: Esau and Jacob

Another powerful story comes from Jacob and Esau. Jacob had cheated Esau out of both his birthright and his father’s blessing. Esau’s anger grew so intense that Jacob fled for his life. For years, Jacob lived with the weight of guilt, dreading the day he might have to face his brother again.

That day came in Genesis 33. Jacob approached with gifts and fear, but Esau did the unexpected:

“Esau ran to meet him, embraced him, fell on his neck, kissed him, and they wept.”
— Genesis 33:4

Instead of exacting revenge, Esau ran to Jacob, embraced him, and accepted him as a brother again. He even refused Jacob’s gifts at first, saying, “I have enough, my brother.” Ultimately, Esau demonstrated forgiveness by releasing the offense and even relocating to a different land to honor God’s promise to Jacob.

Esau’s forgiveness shows us that reconciliation often comes when we are content with what God has given us. A heart satisfied in God is a heart that can let go of grudges.

Practical Steps to Forgive

Forgiveness is easier to admire than to practice. How can we live it out in our own relationships? Here are several principles drawn from Scripture and these stories:

1. Practice forgiving small things regularly. If you cannot forgive minor offenses, you will never be able to forgive major ones.
2. Prepare your heart. Both Joseph and Esau had already forgiven long before the reunion. Forgiveness is a choice made in the heart before the words are spoken.
3. Plan difficult conversations. Be ready, like Joseph, to offer forgiveness in a way that helps the other person feel forgiven.
4. Refuse to bring up past offenses. Once forgiveness is extended, do not weaponize the past. If the other person brings it up again, reassure them of your forgiveness.
5. Offer practical help. Joseph not only forgave but also provided for his brothers and their families.
6. Be willing to sacrifice. Esau uprooted his family rather than force repayment from Jacob.
7. Regularly reflect on God’s forgiveness toward you. The more we remember the cross, the easier it is to forgive others.

Forgiveness as a Witness to the World

Forgiveness is not only about healing personal relationships—it is about reflecting God’s heart to the world. Just as fathers teach their children something about God’s fatherhood, so our forgiveness teaches people about God’s mercy. When others experience forgiveness from us, they get a taste of what God’s forgiveness feels like.

That’s why unforgiveness is so dangerous. It doesn’t just harm our prayers or our personal relationships. It misrepresents God. An unforgiving Christian is preaching a false gospel with their life. But a forgiving Christian becomes a living testimony of the God who forgives sins fully, finally, and forever.

The Greatest Forgiver

At the end of the day, every story of forgiveness points us back to the cross. Joseph forgave his brothers, Esau forgave Jacob, but Jesus is the ultimate forgiver. On the cross, while being mocked, beaten, and executed unjustly, He prayed:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
— Luke 23:34

God’s forgiveness is total. He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west. He remembers them no more. And He calls us not only to receive that forgiveness but also to extend it to others.

Conclusion: Living as Forgiven and Forgiving People

Forgiveness is not easy. It cuts against our instinct for justice, our desire to see others “pay” for what they have done. But forgiveness is the way of the cross. It is the way of authentic relationships. And it is the way God deals with us.

As Christians, we are called to practice forgiveness in our marriages, our families, our churches, and our communities. We forgive not because others always deserve it but because we have been forgiven far more than we could ever repay.

If you are struggling to forgive someone, reflect on how much God has forgiven you. And if you are struggling to feel forgiven yourself, remember that God’s grace is real, complete, and freely offered through Jesus Christ.

Authentic relationships are built on the foundation of forgiveness. May we live it out daily, showing the world what God’s forgiveness looks like.