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There's a difference between being okay with being single—and realizing that being single might be who you actually are.

Not temporarily. Not while you're healing.

But permanently. Essentially. Authentically.

For 15 years, I believed I was single because something was wrong with me. Because I was "a horrible wife" (his exact words). Because I needed to fix myself before I'd be ready for partnership.

Then came the November walk. The question that changed everything. And my ex-boyfriend's engagement—which brought relief instead of devastation.

That's when I knew: I'm not temporarily single. I'm not healing toward partnership. I'm single at heart.

This episode reveals what researchers mean by "core identity"—and what happens when you stop believing you're broken.

In This Episode You'll Discover:

The Personal Story:

• The question that appeared on that November walk (and why it changed everything)
• What my ex-husband said that I carried for 15 years like evidence
• Why I might not have been a "horrible wife" because I was broken—but because that role never fit
• What happened when my ex-boyfriend got engaged (and why I felt free instead of jealous)
• The Master's degree revelation that helped me distinguish cultural scripts from my own truth
• What changed when I finally said out loud: "I'm single at heart"

The Research Revelation:

• What "single at heart" actually means (and how it differs from counter-normative and peripheral identity)
• Bella DePaulo's research on people who live their best lives as single
• Why 29% of Gen X singles over 40 aren't seeking relationships or dates at all
• What happens when singles at heart imagine their ideal futures (spoiler: no partner at the center)
• How to tell the difference between core identity and avoidance (they look completely different)
• Why people who are single at heart reinterpret their entire relationship history

The Signs You Might Be Single at Heart:

• What it feels like when the seeking finally stops
• Why "I'm open to meeting someone" becomes an exhausting performance
• The relief of putting down the weight of "maybe someday"
• How your past "failures" look different when you realize you were in the wrong life structure

What I'm Not Telling You Here:

• The five-minute guided practice that reveals whether partnership is in your actual ideal future
• What dissolved completely when I claimed this identity (not just lessened—dissolved)
• Why living with my parents became a choice instead of evidence of failure
• The weight I didn't know I was carrying until I put it down

This Episode Answers:

• How do I know if I'm single at heart or just avoiding intimacy?
• What if I've had good relationships but they still felt wrong?
• Is it possible to love someone and still not want partnership?
• What happens when you stop keeping yourself "open" to something you don't actually want?
• Can being single really be who you ARE—not just what you're doing right now?

Key Research Sources:

• Kislev, E. (2023). Singlehood as an identity. Self and Identity
• DePaulo, B. (2014). A singles studies perspective on Mount Matrimony. Psychological Inquiry
• DePaulo, B. (2023). Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life. Hachette Go.
• Thomson-DeVeaux, A. (2023). Americans are increasingly single and OK with it. FiveTh

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