The FAA clears lasers for civilian airspace, and suddenly turbulence isn’t the worst thing overhead

There it is, tucked between a coffee cup and the polite typography of institutional calm: the Federal Aviation Administration has cleared the use of high-energy lasers in civilian airspace.

Read that again slowly, like a man checking the label on a bottle he swore was bourbon but now glows faintly in the dark.

Lasers.

In.

Civilian.

Airspace.

Sam Kinison would already be screaming—“THE SKY?! YOU PUT IT IN THE SKY?!”—because there used to be rules, or at least the illusion of them, that the heavens above your head were for clouds, birds, and the occasional piece of lost luggage.

Now it’s an arena.

Now it’s a firing range with frequent flyer miles.

The air itself has been deputized.

The sky is no longer a sanctuary but a jurisdiction.

You used to worry about turbulence; now you’re wondering whether your connecting flight to Chicago is passing through a silent light show of classified intent.