During a grief ritual I was teaching, I got a question about hatred on one of my YouTube videos, and it helped me see how soothing and orderly hatred can be.

In a time when we're losing so much, and things feel out of control, the simple act of hating and adoring people can give us structure in an otherwise overwhelming time of chaos and loss.

Idealizing and adoring our leaders -- or hating and dehumanizing them -- these polarized acts can soothe us, even though they're not healing, and will lead to mountains of loss in the long run.

Grief, on the other hand, is massive, and ever-changing, and it leads us into depth and complexity -- and a profound understanding that we cannot control the world by polarizing ourselves. But if we have no practice for grief, it can be simpler to avoid it and pretend that we can control the flows of the world by sitting in hatred, idealization, polarization, hierarchies of human worth, and certainty.

The practice for hatred and adoration is Shadow Work, and the practice for grief is a grief ritual in a community that can help you create some healing structure in a time of great and oceanic loss.

Mentioned in this episode:

Shadow Work books at Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/lists/shadow-work-4ea99124-7347-4af8-9faf-915c6a0448aa

The Language of Emotions: https://bookshop.org/lists/karla-mclaren-s-books

Braver Angels: https://braverangels.org/what-we-do/take-an-ecourse/

Fun with your shadow: https://karlamclaren.com/the-twisted-love-inside-hatred-revisited/