Pastor Mike will be speaking on The Characteristics of a The Steps of Forgiveness Part 1. He will be reading out of Philemon 1:8-18.

Even in our hurts, God is at work. Even in our disappointments, when people have let us down, God is using that for a purpose. And maybe that God allowed all this to unfold with Onesimus so that, A, Onesimus would come to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Hello, this is Pastor Mike Sanders from The Open Door Church, and we’re excited to be able to share God’s Word with you today. And thankful for the opportunity to open the Bible up. Thank you for tuning in.

And we’re continuing our study on forgiveness in the book of Philemon, and we’re going to learn about the steps of forgiveness. So join me as we study together. I want you to take your Bible this morning to Philemon.

Now, Philemon’s a tough little book in the Bible. It’s tucked in there. It’s hard to find it.

It’s in the New Testament. It’s right before the book of Hebrews. If you go to the book of Revelation and kind of just back up, you’ll run into Philemon.

Be careful, because if you’re like me, sometimes my pages get stuck, and there I am. I missed over Philemon. Last week, our church family started a new study on forgiveness.

The book of Philemon is a book about forgiveness. This morning, I want to talk to you about the steps of forgiveness. I won’t be able to drill down deep, but I want to give you some guidelines that will help us as we’re working towards forgiveness.

There are no enduring relationships without forgiveness. There’s no way that you can be a part of an organization, an institution, or even a relationship with your spouse, your church, your family, without forgiveness. If you haven’t noticed, people are flawed.

If you haven’t noticed, we sometimes fail each other. Sometimes we’re not all that we should be. And so this idea, this thought, this principle of forgiveness is something that is essential to our spiritual health.

When we come to Philemon, we know that it is an overview of a letter that was written to the man named Philemon. He was a slave owner. I told the church that I will address that issue.

I won’t be able to today. It would be just too complicated, but I want you at least to understand its context. Onesimus escaped.

He ran away. In part of his leaving, he was most likely in charge of finances. He had some responsibility of taking care of the estate and the home and the house.

But Onesimus had taken some finances. He had taken some property, and Philemon was very upset with him. And so the apostle Paul writes this letter to Philemon and saying, hey, look, I want you to forgive him.

And he lays out for us some steps that help us in our relationships with one another to help us to achieve that beautiful picture of forgiveness, not only in that we have with each other, but with the forgiveness we have received from our Lord Jesus Christ. And the first principle is that he teaches is called reception. I want you to pick up with me in verse 8 and notice that the Scripture says, Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting, yet for love’s sake I rather appeal to you, being such a one as Paul the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ, I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains, who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and to me.

I’m sending him back. You therefore receive him that is my own heart, whom I wish to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel, but without your consent, I wanted to do nothing that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary. Again in verse 17 he says, If you then count me as a partner, receive him as you would me.

Onesimus had an encounter with the apostle. Most likely somehow he ended up being maybe a prisoner like the apostle was a prisoner for preaching the gospel, for teaching the word of God. And now the apostle led him to Christ.

And the apostle says, I want you to go back and make things right with Philemon. The apostle is asking Philemon to receive him, to receive him back into the fellowship. Now the apostle is not trying to get Philemon to perform the correct action on the outside, but he’s trying to awaken Philemon’s heart to understand what a good relationship is that is rooted in biblical love.

Look at verse 8. Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you, what is fitting, yet for love’s sake, I rather appeal to you. The apostle is asking Philemon to receive him back because of this great love that we’re to have. And he is making the case to him that Philemon, listen, Onesimus is a different person.

He’s not that same person who took some of your money, who took some of your property. He’s not that same person. He’s had an encounter in which he has received the Lord Jesus Christ as his savior.

Why is it that the apostle should receive Onesimus? First, because of repentance. He says in verse 10, I appeal to you for my son, Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains. To Paul, Onesimus was a son in the faith.

He came to Christ while Paul was a prisoner at Rome. Paul personally led him to Jesus Christ, and therefore he is saying because he has been willing to repent of his sins, because he acknowledges them, the key principle for us as we are receiving others back into our life who maybe have hurt us, disappointed us, let us down, is that when they take that step of repentance, we as brothers and sisters in Christ, as spouses, as parents, as children, we have this responsibility to recognize that God can change a heart. It’s easy to hold the past over someone, but when someone truly repents, that is repentance is turning away from your sin and turning towards Christ, we have that responsibility.

And I know what you’re saying to me. This is very hard for me, pastor. But I want you to put your confidence and your trust in Jesus Christ.

Now, the second reason is not only that he should receive him, but because of the transformation. Bileamon truly was changed. The very fact that he would show up back into the church was proof that Onesimus had changed.

Look at verse 11. He says, who was once, meaning Onesimus was once unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and to me. The word Onesimus means useful.

And really, the apostle is making a play on words here because this word translated unprofitable and profitable could be useless and useful. Some translations of the Bible use those very words. In essence, what Paul is saying to them is that Onesimus, useful, useful was formerly useless, but now useful is useful.

God had his hand on Onesimus and he had a plan and he was calling him to be in a relationship with God. And once he made things right with God, now Paul says you’re on this journey of making things right with others that you have hurt, those you have taken advantage of, those you have let down. You have this responsibility.

And Paul’s point to Philemon is that Onesimus has been radically transformed by the grace of God. You and I should never look down upon the transforming power of the grace of God, that we should always make that effort. Look at verse 17.

If then you count me as a partner, receive him as you would me. The second step of forgiveness is restoration. We come down to verse 15 and he says, perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever.

Paul is trying to say, look, God is at work even in our hurts. God is at work even in our disappointments. When people have let us down, God is using that for a purpose and maybe that God allowed all this to unfold with Onesimus so that A, Onesimus would come to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Your troubles are not without purpose. Your pain is within the scope of a sovereign God who has a plan. We are reminded of that great passage of Scripture in Genesis about Joseph.

You know the story so well, how he was betrayed by his own brothers, how he was forgotten in prison, how he was falsely accused and stories and lies were made up about him. He was thrown into prison. He was finally elevated by God because in his heart, he never let it destroy him.

And his brothers came because they were in need. And he said to them, but as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about as it is this day to save many people alive. It’s not that God causes our pain.

It’s not that God causes our horrible experiences and our tragedies and abuses that we might experience, but I want you to remember that even in all those circumstances, God can turn it around for his good. He can turn it around for his glory. He can create restoration in our hearts.

We’ve been talking a lot these last few weeks about why should I forgive? Because a lot of people aren’t motivated to forgive. And I told you last week, your motivation to forgive begins with the cross. Jesus forgave you.

You and I have offended Christ. We have sinned against God. For all have sinned to come short of the glory of God.

And because Christ gave his life and put no strings upon it, and he gave his life for us, and he went to the cross and bore our sins, and he took our punishment, and that if we’ll just simply repent of our sins and believe in Jesus Christ, the Bible tells us that we can have eternal life. Our sins can be washed away and we can experience the genuine forgiveness of God. But let me tell you two other reasons why you should forgive.

Number one, to be set free from your past. You see, Philemon was a Christian man who had been wronged, and God was calling him to put it all behind him, forgive and move forward. The apostle put it like this, forgetting those things which are behind.

Some of you are still stuck in your hurts, your griefs, your grudges. You’re still stuck and you can’t seem to move forward in your faith and you can’t seem to get to the next level in your maturity, and I’ll tell you why, because you’re looking back. Wherever you are looking is where you’re going.

That’s not only true physically, but it is true spiritually. You say, but pastor, you don’t understand, and here’s my long list. I get it, and we all got our list, and I know that some are worse than others, but here’s my point.

What are your options? You wanna continue to deteriorate spiritually? Do you wanna continue to go in a direction that you are not only personally struggling and limiting your spiritual life, but as well as others? You see, you have to make a choice because forgiveness is not a feeling that you float into. It is a choice that you make. Again, the apostle says in verse 14, without your consent, I wanted to do nothing that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary.

Let me tell you something about choosing to forgive. You don’t just choose once, and then it’s done. Every time those emotions come back, every time that memory floods your mind, every time that you encounter that person, you have to make a choice by the power of the Holy Spirit and the guidance of the word of God, choosing to forgive that person and moving forward in your life.

What is the alternative? Bitterness, anger, hate? You see, carrying around unforgiveness is like carrying a sack of cement all day long. If you hold unforgiveness in your heart, you are walking around with a weight that God never intended for you to carry. Why should I forgive? I would say also to avoid bitterness.

You see, the price of refusing to forgive is high. Unforgiveness produces hatred, bitterness, and anger in your heart. The Hebrew writer said this, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble and by it many become defiled.

There’s a lot to unpack in this verse, but did you note he says, make sure no one fails to obtain the grace of God. You wanna put a lid on the grace of God flowing in your life? Be bitter, be angry. He also says that the root of bitterness, you see, bitterness is something that can take root in your mind and your heart.

And once it takes root into your heart and mind, it is hard to get it out. It’s like those weeds in your garden, in your lawn, those beautiful dandelions that have been popping up lately. Have you noticed those? I’ve come to say I like dandelions.

I can’t keep up with them, but you gotta go in there and root them out. Notice what he says, many become defiled. You see, it’s not just you.

When you’re a bitter person, you’re impacting your children. You’re impacting your family, your grandchildren. You’re impacting your church family.

When you become bitter, it’s contagious and it just begins to spread like wildfire and many become defiled all around you. As a matter of fact, some people will start saying, hey, I don’t wanna be around that person because all they do is vomit bitterness every time I talk to them. So it’s something we want to avoid and the antidote to bitterness is forgiveness.

Now let’s talk about restitution, my final point. I told you it was gonna be short. Verse 17 and 18, these are the steps, not only that the one who is offended has to take, but the one who has done the offending.

If then, verse 17, you count me as a partner, the apostle is saying, receive him as you would me, but if he has wronged you or owes you anything, put that on my account. Restitution is taught in the Old Testament, New Testament. If you and I have ever found ourselves offending someone, we have a responsibility to make it right and to create that opportunity of restitution.

Sometimes that restitution is something physical, tangible, perhaps even financial. Maybe you destroyed somebody’s property accidentally or purposely, I don’t know, but you have a responsibility to not only apologize for it, but to restore it to do restitution. Paul was offering to step up in a big way.

Onesimus, who had a troubled life, found himself in prison again. He had probably been stealing. He had probably been a thief.

He had probably done many things that led him to be in prison. But then he encounters the apostle. The apostle shares the gospel with him and disciples him.

His life is transformed by the grace of God. And now he’s saying, look, your next level of spiritual maturity is you gotta go back and make things right. And so in this process, knowing that Onesimus maybe did not have much financial means, Paul is saying to Philemon, I’m willing to help him make it right.

Put that on my account. It’s a beautiful picture because really the apostle was following the example of Jesus Christ who reconciled sinners to him and to God. And Jesus said, put that on my account.

And friends, that’s where we have to remember is that we have been forgiven to forgive. Is there any sin that you and I have committed that was greater against God Almighty? Is there any sin that we can say, hey God, would you forgive me for all my sins? But God says, I’m only gonna forgive you for 90% of them. No, we are called to forgive one another.

We are to understand the great example of our Savior. Now, let me just conclude with these thoughts, the danger of unforgiveness. There’s a lot, but I just wanted to give you two because of time.

And the first danger is that if you choose not to forgive, you are giving Satan a foothold into your life. The Bible says, be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity.

The devil would like to get a foothold in your life. He would like to destroy your life, your family’s life. He would like to break up your family.

He would like to see it all crumble. He does not want the community, the church, your family to see the effective work of God’s grace in your heart as well as your family. He wants to blow it up.

The Bible doesn’t tell us we can’t be angry because certainly there are things that we can be angry about because we are people and we are emotional, but we can’t let it lead us to sin. The question is not are you angry, but what are you doing with your anger? Are you channeling it in a godly way, in a positive way, in a biblical way that motivates you to be a better Christian and a better follower of Christ and a better husband and a better wife and a better child or a better parent, whatever the relationship may be? Are you letting the sun go down? Are you going to bed every night filled with anger and bitterness in your heart, holding on to the past and becoming even more angry as you go through life? Are you building walls, separating yourself? That’s the danger of unforgiveness. Another one is hindering your fellowship with God.

That’s the second danger. You see, when my heart is filled with so much junk and stuff, then it limits my fellowship with God. It limits my connection with God.

It limits my opportunity to experience the presence of God in my life and the power of God in my life. It puts a lid on my prayer life. That’s why Jesus taught us in the Lord’s Prayer that we ought to pray, that we ought to pray that God would forgive us of our debts and that we would forgive those who are indebted to us.

I mean, you can’t go long and far in life without being hurt and offended and upset, right? When our new members join our church, I always remind them, if you’re expecting to come to a perfect church, you’re at the wrong place. If you’re expecting a perfect pastor, staff, elders, deacons, and those who have served here, then you’re at the wrong place because somewhere down this journey, we will offend you. Some of it is most likely unintentionally, but you’re gonna get upset.

You’re gonna get upset, and the question is, how are you going to let that affect your fellowship with God? Now, people say, Pastor, it’s just so hard. I get it. It’s a process.

It’s steps. It’s a journey, and you keep moving forward. And I think the reason some people have a hard time to forgive, and I want you to hear me because this is so important to your steps to forgiveness, is that they confuse forgiveness with trust, and that is, yes, there are people who are abusive.

There are people who have done said things that it’s just hard to forgive. I’m not asking you to trust them again. I would never, if a young lady came to me and said she’s in an abusive relationship, my first goal is to get her out.

I want to protect her. If there’s any children, I want to protect the children. I would never say go back into that abusive relationship and continue the abuse.

I would never say that, but I would want to counsel them both, and I would want to lead her, no matter what the relationship ends up being, is for her to learn to forgive, but I would say to her, it doesn’t mean you have to trust, and if you could learn that, that because God has forgiven you, that I must forgive others, and the options and the alternatives of not forgiving are destructive to my own self and my own family, and therefore I must learn, as hard as it is, to move forward in my faith and to forgive, but it’s okay. There’s nothing in the Bible, I’ve been looking, that says trust those. Trust is earned, and forgiveness is a gift, and we see this over and over again, and I’ll give you a quick example, and then we’ll close, is that if I came to you and I said, hey, I’d like for you to loan me $500.

Could you loan me $500? I mean, there’s this great opportunity for me to go golfing in Myrtle Beach, and if I could just get that $500. I’m just 500 short. I know you gotta have more than 500 to go down there, but, and you said, all right, I’ll give the pastor $500, and you said to me, pay me back in a year, Mike.

I said, gotcha. A year passes, I haven’t paid you. You’ve been texting me like crazy.

You’ve been calling. I don’t answer your calls. You finally sent a certified letter and say, hello.

You owe me $500, and I begrudgingly tell you that I can’t do it. I can’t give you the 500. You’re tired of messing with it, so you say, you know what, pastor, I’m just gonna forgive you of that debt.

I’m gonna say, thank you so much. Oh, by the way, there’s another trip to Myrtle Beach, and I was just wondering if you’d loan me another 500. You see, you can forgive me for the past, but you don’t have to necessarily trust me for the future, and that would help you because it would help you be spiritually healthy, and it would help you to take positive steps, and if I would come down later in our relationship and our friendship, and I would once again earn that trust that you could trust me again, great, but just because you forgave me doesn’t mean you have to trust me again and slap over 500 more dollars.

So it is true in your emotional life, your spiritual life. I wanna encourage you to remember that the apostle is not saying to Philemon, put him in charge of all your money again. Put him in charge of your household again.

He’s just saying receive him as a brother in Christ and forgive him so he can continue to make things right with others just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Would you pray with me? When we think about the steps of forgiveness, it’s critical for us to recognize forgiveness is a gift. It is not something that we require others to earn from us, and God does not require you to earn his forgiveness, but by faith you receive it, and the grace of God is extended to you.

So as you’re on this journey of forgiveness as God is teaching you to be a forgiving person, remember there are many reasons why we shouldn’t forgive, and we don’t deny that some of them are legitimate, but forgiveness is not earned. It is a gift given. As you think about your opportunity to learn more about forgiveness, make sure you check us out on our Facebook page, and in this page we have many opportunities for you to learn about principles of forgiveness.

Hope Worth Having is the name of our Facebook page. Go ahead and pull it up and like us, and be a part of following our page as we continue to give you daily inspiration to help you to be faithful in your walk with Jesus Christ. This is Pastor Mike Sanders, reminding you that in Christ there is hope worth having.

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