Episode 54: Are Influencers Ruining Kindness?

Someone pays for a stranger's groceries. The help is real. But did the person want their difficult moment shared with millions of people?

Greg Shaw, Rich, Liam, and Sarah talk about kindness videos, money, consent, and what happens when someone's private struggle becomes online content.

We leave room for different answers, including why these videos can move us and why some make us uncomfortable.

We discuss:

• Whether someone who needs help can freely say no to being filmed.

• Why receiving help shouldn't come with a test of gratitude.

• What changes when creators, brands, or television shows earn money from a good deed.

• How to share kindness while protecting someone's privacy.

• Sarah's family tradition of leaving dollar bills at hospital vending machines.

• Small ways to help without asking for a public reaction.

In What's on Your Heart, we talk about time with loved ones, challenging racism and homophobia, receiving unexpected kindness, and living with pain.

This week's challenge

Send a private thank-you to someone whose support mattered to you.

Or offer a small act of help and let the other person choose what they share.

If you want to tell their story online, make sure they can say no without losing the help.

One question to take away: What rule would you want every kindness creator to follow?

Listen to Episode 54: https://kindnessrx.org/54

More episodes: https://kindnessrx.org/listen

Free online peer support groups: https://kindnessrx.org/groups

Brain injury: Mondays.

Chronic pain: Tuesdays.

Mental health: Wednesdays.

Research mentioned in the episode

American Psychiatric Association, 2023 Healthy Minds Poll:

https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/news-releases/new-poll-small-acts-of-kindness-benefits

Among 2,210 U.S. adults surveyed, 90% said receiving kindness made them feel at least a little better.

This was a self-report poll, not a study of being filmed or of kindness videos.

Further reading, added after recording

Elizabeth Dunn's TED Talk on helping and happiness:

https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_dunn_helping_others_makes_us_happier_but_it_matters_how_we_do_it

UNICEF's ethical reporting guidance, including children's privacy and dignity:

https://www.unicef.org/media/reporting-guidelines

A clarification about recording

• Our discussion includes broad comments about filming people in public.
• Recording and publication rules vary by location and circumstances.
• Being in public doesn't settle every question about audio consent, privacy, or commercial use.

A useful U.S. starting point is the Reporters Committee's state-by-state guide:

https://www.rcfp.org/reporters-recording-guide/

Content note: Financial hardship, homelessness, vulnerability, caregiving, racism, homophobia, and occasional strong language.

This is a peer conversation.

Our groups and podcast do not replace therapy, medical care, or professional advice.

What happens when someone you love sees an important issue in a completely different way?

A conversation at the kitchen table can turn tense quickly, especially when politics, values, and family history are all tangled together.

I’m joined by Rich, Liam, and Sarah for a candid conversation about what happens inside us when we disagree, why it can hurt more with family, and how to listen without pretending we agree.

We talk about news fatigue, taking a pause, and setting boundaries when a conversation stops helping. We also share what gives us hope that people can still connect across differences.

This is a conversation among friends. We don’t have perfect answers, and kindness does not require anyone to accept insults, threats, or harm.

In this episode:

• Why disagreements with loved ones can feel so personal.
• Listening to understand without giving up your own views.
• How to say, “I care about you, but I need to pause this conversation.”
• The effect of headlines, feeds, and repeated arguments on how we see one another.
• Two small challenges: pause before sharing a story or set one news boundary.

This week’s question: How do you stay connected to people you love when you see important issues in different ways?

Listen and share: https://KindnessRX.org/listen

Our free online support groups: https://KindnessRX.org/groups

Support: If you’re in the U.S. and need immediate emotional or suicide crisis support, call or text 988 or visit https://988lifeline.org/.

Outside the U.S., look for local support at https://findahelpline.com/.

If you’re in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.

Further reading: American Psychological Association, Stress in America 2024: https://www.apa.org/pubs/reports/stress-in-america/2024/

Pew Research Center, Americans’ feelings about politics and political discourse:

https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2023/09/19/americans-feelings-about-politics-polarization-and-the-tone-of-political-discourse/

This podcast offers peer conversation, not therapy or crisis care.

For the past year, The Support & Kindness Podcast has consistently released new episodes on Mondays.

Because of changes in schedules and the demands of this season, we’re moving our regular release day.

Going forward, look for new episodes on Wednesdays.

Nothing else is changing.

Greg, Rich, Liam, and Sarah will continue bringing you honest and supportive conversations about mental health, brain injury, chronic pain, disability, kindness, and everyday life.

Thank you for listening and being part of our community.

Listen and follow the podcast at KindnessRX.org/listen

Whilst you wait, remember we offer free weekly support groups: KindnessRX.org/groups

CONTENT NOTE

This episode discusses depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide prevention.

In the U.S., call or text 988 or visit https://988lifeline.org for free, confidential crisis support.

If there is immediate life-threatening danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

Outside the U.S., find local support at https://findahelpline.com.

What happens when medication and therapy have not brought enough relief?

Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Mark Blair joins Greg, Rich, Liam, and Sarah to explain treatment-resistant depression and why “treatment-resistant” does not mean “untreatable.”

They discuss the importance of reviewing the full diagnosis and treatment history before deciding what comes next.

Dr. Blair explains Deep TMS with the BrainsWay H-coil, Spravato (esketamine nasal spray), IV ketamine used off-label for depression, and when ECT may be considered.

He also discusses treatment access, monitoring, realistic expectations, choosing a responsible provider, crisis warning signs, asking directly about suicide, and creating a written safety plan before a crisis.

Episode 52 also marks one year of The Support & Kindness Podcast.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Welcome, content note, and 988

01:04 When depression treatment has not helped enough

02:06 Meet Dr. Mark Blair

03:08 Hospital crisis care and founding Optimum

05:08 Clinical depression, sadness, grief, and stress

06:42 What treatment-resistant depression means

08:32 Rechecking the diagnosis and treatment history

10:30 Deciding what treatment may come next

12:42 TMS, Deep TMS, and the BrainsWay H-coil

16:12 Spravato and IV ketamine

21:02 Choosing a provider, access, cost, and safety

23:10 Crisis warning signs and immediate danger

25:17 How to ask directly about suicide

27:09 Supporting a loved one and creating a safety plan

29:00 Practical next steps and realistic hope

30:36 Three rapid-fire questions

31:34 One-year anniversary reflections

36:29 Dr. Blair’s practice information

37:15 Key takeaways and weekly kindness challenge

38:48 KindnessRX support groups and closing

ABOUT DR. MARK BLAIR

Mark E. Blair, M.D., is a board-certified psychiatrist and founder and medical director of Optimum Wellness & TMS in Columbus, Ohio.

Optimum Wellness & TMS

500 E Main Street, Suites 110 & 130

Columbus, OH 43215

Phone: 614-933-4200

Email: [email protected]

Website: https://www.optimumwellnessandtms.com

New patients: https://www.optimumwellnessandtms.com/two-ways-to-begin

SAFETY-PLAN RESOURCES

Create an interactive safety plan:

https://www.mysafetyplan.org/

Download a blank safety-plan PDF:

https://www.mysafetyplan.org/static/NationalSPA-f57dd48ae60b5b1e9c5a1a980a978693.pdf

LEARN MORE

NIMH brain-stimulation therapies:

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/brain-stimulation-therapies/brain-stimulation-therapies

Official BrainsWay information:

https://www.brainsway.com/

Official Spravato information:

https://www.spravato.com/

KINDNESSRX

Website:

https://kindnessrx.org/

Free online peer-led support groups:

https://kindnessrx.org/groups

KindnessRX groups provide peer support and do not replace therapy, medical care, professional advice, or crisis services.

Read the complete companion article, treatment information, safety-plan resources, and further reading:https://kindnessrx.org/when-depression-doesnt-lift

DISCLAIMER

This episode is for general education only and is not individual medical advice.

Treatment decisions should be made with a qualified healthcare professional who can consider your diagnosis, medical history, prior treatment, risks, benefits, and alternatives.

IV ketamine for depression is an off-label use. No treatment is guaranteed to work.

Episode 51: The Cost of Survival — Money Stress, Disability Budgets, and Economic Shame

A budget can be careful, detailed, and honest—and still come up short.

In this episode, Greg is joined by Rich, Liam, and Sarah for an open conversation about disability, fixed incomes, rising costs, benefit rules, and the shame people are often expected to carry when the numbers simply do not work.

Money stress is not only about spreadsheets. For many disabled people, it can mean a fixed income that does not keep up with expenses, complicated benefits rules, inaccessible transportation, medication costs, special diets, household supplies, car trouble, and the added time and energy needed to cook, clean, travel, or make it to an appointment.

The group talks about the hidden math of disability: pain, fatigue, and brain fog that can change plans without warning; the differences between SSI and SSDI; fears around saving money or trying to work; and why a haircut, a hobby, or coffee with a friend should never be treated as proof that someone does not deserve support.

They also discuss financial shame, isolation, and practical ways to ask for or offer help without making anyone justify their needs.

In this episode:

• The extra costs that can come with disability
• Budgeting when pain, fatigue, and brain fog change day to day
• The difference between SSI and SSDI
• Why benefit rules can create fear around work and savings
• Why financial hardship is not a personal failing
• Small comforts, dignity, and the right to remain human during hardship
• Asking for one clear, specific form of help—and offering support without pressure

Chapters

• 00:00 Welcome, co-hosts, and a note on today’s topic
• 04:30 The hidden math of disability income
• 10:00 Budgeting when pain, fatigue, and brain fog change day to day
• 15:00 SSDI vs. SSI, and the fear of getting it wrong
• 19:00 The poverty trap: benefits that do not move, bills that do
• 25:00 When money becomes a verdict on character
• 28:00 Do people in hardship have to give up joy?
• 35:00 Asking for help without feeling like a burden
• 39:30 What’s on your heart this week
• 45:30 Takeaways, the weekly challenge, and closing

Choose one:

1. Take five minutes for a judgment-free money check-in. Notice what is coming in, what is going out, and where you may need support—without blaming yourself.
2. Offer someone one clear form of practical help with no pressure attached: a grocery run, a ride, a meal, help making a call, or simply checking in.

Free Peer Led Support Groups

• Brain Injury: Monday, 1 PM ET
• Chronic Pain: Tuesday, 12 PM ET
• Mental Health: Wednesday, 7:30 PM ET

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groups

Help keep groups free: https://buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrx

Connect with KindnessRX: https://kindnessrx.org
YouTube: @KindnessRX
Newsletter: https://kindnessrx.beehiiv.com/

Content note: Financial stress, poverty, disability benefits, food insecurity, housing pressure, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

The Support & Kindness Podcast offers peer support, not financial, legal, medical, or benefits advice. Before making changes to work, savings, or benefits, seek guidance specific to your situation.

If you are in the United States and need immediate emotional support, call or text 988. If there is immediate danger, contact emergency services.

Content note: This episode discusses undiagnosed illness, medical uncertainty, and the emotional toll of waiting for answers.

If you're in crisis, call or text 988 (US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). You are not alone.

Episode 50 of The Support and Kindness Podcast sits in a place that is honestly a little hard to name. Medical limbo, the space between knowing something is wrong and getting anyone to confirm it, is one of those experiences that can wear you down in ways that don't show up on a chart.

Greg, Rich, and Liam work through ten listener questions on this topic together: why diagnosis takes so long, how to advocate without being dismissed, what happens to your relationships when you have no label for what you're carrying, and how to hold on to hope when the timeline keeps stretching.

The What's on Your Heart section brings some real warmth and a bit of humor, and the weekly challenge gives listeners a practical tool they can take into their next appointment.

This is peer support, not medical advice, and it is the kind of honest conversation that the show does best.

• Greg Shaw, Host

• Rich, Co-Host

• Liam, Co-Host

Sarah is not in this episode (family engagement).

• [00:00] Welcome and content warning

• [00:01] What is medical limbo? Intro read

• [00:03] Stats and context on diagnostic error

• [00:04] Episode overview and format

• [00:04] Q1: What does medical limbo mean to you?

• [00:07] Q2: Why does diagnosis take so long?

• [00:09] Q3: Why can a hard diagnosis feel like relief?

• [00:10] Q4: How do you advocate without coming across as difficult?

• [00:13] Q5: When should you get a second opinion?

• [00:14] Q6: How does mental health support fit in?

• [00:16] Q7: What does ongoing uncertainty do to the body and mind?

• [00:18] Q8: How does no diagnosis affect your relationships?

• [00:21] Q9: What's it like going through every step with no answer?

• [00:25] Q10: Undiagnosed vs. unexplained vs. misdiagnosed

• [00:25] Q11: Separating anxiety from physical symptoms

• [00:26] Q12: Can preexisting conditions cause doctors to miss new symptoms?

• [00:30] Q13: How do you balance work, relationships, and hope?

• [00:34] What's on Your Heart

• [00:38] Closing summary and weekly challenge

• [00:42] Call to action and support group information

• Medical limbo is real. It is the space between having symptoms and getting a diagnosis, and it carries its own form of suffering.

• A normal test result does not mean nothing is wrong. It means that specific test did not find a cause.

• Receiving even a difficult diagnosis can bring relief, because it gives you a target.

• Advocacy tips: bring a short written list of symptoms, book a longer appointment, ask for next steps in writing, and bring someone you trust.

• You are entitled to a second opinion. Your doctor's feelings will survive it.

• Mental health support is not a substitute for physical care. It is a parallel track.

• The stress of not knowing can be just as draining as the physical symptoms themselves.

• When you have no diagnosis, relationships can fray. Communication and honest conversations matter.

• Just keep showing up. One day at a time, one hour at a time.

Approximately 5% of US adults receiving outpatient care experience a diagnostic error each year. Most people will encounter at least one in their lifetime.  (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2015)

People with rare diseases wait an average of nearly 5 years for a diagnosis, after visiting numerous specialists.  (EURORDIS Rare Diseases Europe, 2020 Patient Survey)

• Episode 6: Medical Gaslighting (kindnessrx.org/podcast/medical-gaslighting) — Greg references this episode directly during the show. The closest companion piece on the podcast.

Content note: this episode discusses emotional abuse, controlling relationship dynamics, and burnout. If you feel controlled or unsafe in a relationship, you are not alone.

US: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233,or text START to 88788.

You ask someone to do a task they have done before, and it goes wrong every time, until you give up and do it yourself.

That loop has a name: weaponized incompetence.

Greg, Rich, and Sarah define what it is, and what it is not, then work through four scenarios that get more complicated with every detail.

In this episode:• What weaponized incompetence is, and why deliberateness is the dividing line• When it is NOT the answer: ADHD, brain injury, anxiety, learned helplessness, and real skill gaps• The one test that cuts through it: is the person suffering from the avoidance, or benefiting from it?• The health cost of being the one who always notices, plans, and follows through• One honest question to carry into your own week

Chapters:00:00 Welcome and what weaponized incompetence is02:00 When it is not weaponized incompetence03:00 The numbers and the history05:00 Roundtable: what it is and what it is not07:00 Why people keep doing it10:00 What it looks like at home and at work15:00 Learned helplessness vs strategic evasion16:00 The real health cost, and how to address it19:00 Four paradigm-shifting scenarios31:00 What’s on your heart this week35:00 Summary, challenge, and the support groups

This episode featured Greg Shaw with co-hosts Rich and Sarah.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET)

Sign up or RSVP: kindnessrx.org/groups

Help keep the groups free: buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrx

Connect: KindnessRX.org

Newsletter kindnessrx.beehiiv.com

Invisible Illness: When You Don’t Look Sick

Content note: this episode discusses living with chronic illness, being dismissed by doctors and loved ones, and the toll of not being believed. Be gentle with yourself as you listen.

“You don’t look sick.” Four words usually meant kindly — that can land like a door quietly closing.

This week we widen the lens past any one diagnosis to the whole landscape of invisible illness: the pain, fatigue, and brain fog nobody else can see, and the small shifts in language that turn a sting into care.

Greg, Rich, and Liam get into the phrases that wound, the gentler swaps that help, why symptoms swing hour to hour, spoon theory and the drained-battery metaphor, invisible illness at work and your rights, and how to believe people without pitying them.

What we coverWhy appearance is never a measure of health“You don’t look sick”: dismissal, doubt, isolation — and what to say instead

Fluctuation, spoon theory, and the battery that won’t hold a charge

Accommodations at work without handing over your diagnosis

Parking spots, cancellations, and catching your own snap judgments

Chapters00:00 Introduction & why invisible illness matters04:00 “You don’t look sick” — the words that wound06:15 Simple swaps that land as care09:15 Medical gaslighting & wanting to be heard12:00 Unsolicited advice & grace16:45 “But you were fine yesterday” — fluctuation19:00 Spoon theory & the cell-phone battery24:30 Invisible illness at work & the ADA32:00 Judgment, mobility & believing without pity35:45 Real-life scenarios42:30 What’s on your heart46:45 Summary, challenge & closing

This episode featured Greg (host), Rich, and Liam.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET)

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groups

Help keep the groups free: https://buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrx

Connect: https://kindnessrx.org

Newsletter: https://kindnessrx.org/news

Listen to more: https://kindnessrx.org/listen

Content note: This episode discusses chronic illness, chronic pain, depression, and anxiety.

If you're struggling, call or text 988 (US) for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Fibromyalgia is invisible on the outside and relentless on the inside - and still too often met with "it's all in your head."

In our first-ever guest episode, occupational therapist and fibromyalgia coach Linda Fraas explains what fibromyalgia actually is, why it's so hard to diagnose, and how people build a livable life around it. Part science, part 25 years of lived experience, all heart.

In this episode:

• What fibromyalgia is - and why it's a condition, not an imagined one

• The car-alarm metaphor for a hypersensitive nervous system

• Fibro fog, fatigue, and the sleep trap

• The push-crash cycle and how pacing breaks it

• Being dismissed - and why being believed is medicine

• Movement, nutrition, tracking, and self-advocacy that actually help

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction & meet Linda Fraas

(01:01) Linda's background and her diagnosis

(04:06) The long road to a diagnosis

(08:05) What fibromyalgia took away

(13:23) What fibromyalgia actually is (the car-alarm metaphor)

(17:29) Beyond pain: fibro fog, fatigue, and sleep

(21:29) The push-crash cycle

(26:37) "It's all in your head": being dismissed

(41:01) Daily life: pacing, movement, and nutrition

(55:30) Self-advocacy and finding hope

(1:21:44) This week's challenge

Featuring Greg with Rich, Liam, and Sarah, plus special guest Linda Fraas (torchlightvitality.com).

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Chronic Pain (Tue 12 PM ET)

Brain Injury (Mon 1 PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30 PM ET)

Sign up / RSVP: kindnessrx.org/groups

☕ Help keep the groups free: Click Here

Newsletter: Click Here

Content note: This episode discusses cyberbullying, online harassment, and scams.

Nothing is graphic. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988 anytime — the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free and available 24/7.

We treat online life like it’s less real than the rest of our lives — but there’s a real person on the other side of every screen, and a post can outlast the moment that made it.

This week Greg, Rich, Liam, and Sarah work through six ordinary posting dilemmas — from a joke scheduled before bad news to a friend live-tagging an empty house — and land on one simple habit that makes almost every gray area easier.

It’s not a lecture about doing it wrong. It’s permission to slow down the half-second before you hit “post.”

In this episode:

• Why “deleted” doesn’t always mean gone

• Consent — for kids, friends, screenshots, and stories that aren’t only yours

• Digital footprints, oversharing, and how a post can follow you to work

• Scams, privacy, and what actually keeps you safer

• Cyberbullying and how to step out of a pile-on

• The five questions to ask before you post

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction & the hard questions

(06:38) Read the room before you post

(19:09) Your digital footprint, oversharing & work

(30:06) Consent, kids, screenshots & ownership

(46:26) Privacy, safety & online scams

(48:22) Cyberbullying, pile-ons & trolls

(58:37) False posts & when to speak up

(1:07:33) What’s on your heart this week

(1:11:16) Recap, challenge & closing

This episode: Greg with Rich, Liam & Sarah.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET),

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET),

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET).

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groups

Support the show (keeps the groups free)

Connect: https://kindnessrx.org

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