The Swiss Data Massage Villa; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2013 — Are your data feeling tense? Unable or Reluctant to bend gently to fit the graceful contours of your new theory? Are your N’s too small? Your P’s too big? Decimal point in the wrong place? Is your Chi not square? Is your bell curve not ringing true? (Performed by Jason Wells-Jensen.)