The Tenacity Podcast

Are you building the life you want together, or just getting through another year? Patrick and Maddie explain how they use an annual marriage conference to reflect on their relationship, review family priorities and plan for the future. Drawing on their own difficult year, they discuss shared responsibilities, better communication and making time for the people who matter most.

In this episode, Patrick and Maddie cover:

• How an annual conference differs from weekly planning
• Assessing how you handled both difficult and comfortable seasons
• Aligning shared family goals with individual dreams
• Sharing financial and household responsibilities when extra shifts are needed
• Giving encouragement, working through conflict and protecting quality time

Making room for each child's interests and your family's future

Subscribe for new episodes.

Reacting to an "unconventional marriage": a wife on TikTok listed the unconventional things she said worked for them: close friends of the opposite sex they see alone, nights out at the bar on their own, independent lives and separate bank accounts. Patrick had a guess where it was heading. Then she posted her update: they are getting divorced.

Patrick and Maddie react to the video, talk about the guy best friend who became an issue early in their own relationship, and explain why a marriage of separate lives ends up as two roommates.

In this episode, Patrick and Maddie cover:

Why friends of the opposite sex you see one-on-one put a marriage at risk, even when nothing is going on

What happened with Maddie's guy best friend, and how they settled it together

"If you don't include your spouse, it is flirting," and how to make friendships something you share as a couple

Separate bank accounts and split bills: why they breed distrust and division at home

Roasting each other in public, intimacy behind closed doors, and why respect means listening

Her update, and what Patrick and Maddie think went wrong

Reacting to Eastcoastblonde (@eastcoastblonde on TikTok).

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.

To learn more go to our linktree: https://linktr.ee/patrickemartinez

#marriage #marriageadvice #tenacitypodcast

The weekly conference is a short sit-down where a couple plans the week together around what actually matters to them. Patrick and Maddie built theirs in the middle of a family crisis, and it ended so much of the bickering in their house.

It answers a problem one of Patrick's coaching clients put in two words: "We're roommates." No date nights, no quality time, two lives that rarely meet. Patrick and Maddie walk through the three steps to build your own.

In this episode, Patrick and Maddie cover:

Why your schedule, not your words, shows what your priorities really are

Step one: write your priorities, each of you separately, then reconcile themTurning priorities into goals and goals into systems, so "eat out less" actually happens

Step two: list every household task and give each one to whoever does it best, man job or woman job aside

Step three: the family and friends tier list, and how to run the conference itselfWhy a conference that uncovers problems is doing its job, and why theirs now often takes 10 or 15 minutes

The family and friends tier list has its own episode: The Tenacity Podcast Ep. 11: The Family & Friends Tier List.

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.F

ree 30 minute call with Patrick: call.pem.coach

#marriage #marriageadvice #weeklymeeting #priorities #communication #genderroles #relationships #christianmarriage #tenacitypodcast #patrickemartinez

He shows up. He doesn't yell, doesn't cheat, and keeps trying even when he falls short. A popular TikTok series says that husband is lying to you, and that your only choices are to settle or leave. Patrick and Maddie Martinez react to Abby Eckel's archetypes of husbands and make the case for a third option: fix it together.

In this episode, Patrick and Maddie cover:

Why a promise that falls through is not always a lie or manipulation.

How to ask your spouse for change: the right request, said kindly, with follow-up.

What if you're the problem? Unreasonable expectations, no self-care, and "change or I'm gone."

The good guy husband, and why nobody is naturally good at marriage.

Is he laid back, or are you controlling? How to delegate and let it go.

Why "radically accept him or leave" misses the real answer: work as a team.

Reacting to Abby Eckel's TikTok series on husband archetypes.

Her originals: @abbyeckel on TikTok,

https://www.tiktok.com/@abbyeckel

Next week: the weekly conference, the one meeting that turns two separate agendas into one team. Subscribe so you don't miss it.

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.

Free 30 minute call with Patrick: call.pem.coach

#marriage #marriageadvice #husband #wife #relationships #communication #christianmarriage #reaction #tenacitypodcast #patrickemartinez

Anxiety is carrying too much. Depression is when the circumstances start deciding your future for you. Patrick has been there: the couch, the light moving across the wall, hours gone, a friend on the phone saying I'm worried about you, and a pastor telling him he was living in the basement with the windows shut.

This is Part 3 of a three-part series on anxiety and depression in the midst of a crisis. Patrick and Maddie draw the line between necessary sadness and depression, talk about sweet lemons and sour grapes, and lay out what they are doing while their daughters are gone: the fathers' group, ice club, saying yes to things they did not feel like doing, praying for the opposition, and getting the girls' rooms ready for when they come home.

Part 1 and Part 2 cover anxiety.

Chapters

00:00 Previously, on Parts 1 and 2

00:54 Welcome

01:16 Anxiety vs Depression

02:35 Necessary Sadness

04:45 Where To Draw The Line

06:55 Staring At The Wall

08:28 You're In The Basement

09:49 Hopelessness

11:38 Preparing For Them To Come Home

13:26 Sweet Lemons, Sour Grapes

15:53 Content In Despair

17:11 Stubbornly Living Your Life

19:06 No Idle Hands

19:58 The Fathers' Group

22:37 Depression Wants You Isolated

25:09 Let People Support You

29:13 Praying For The Opposition

31:16 Reframe The Crisis

33:51 Pivot, Adapt, Level Up

35:43 Commit To The Suck

37:39 You Never Regret Going

40:45 Sadness Is Not Depression

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.

Free 30 minute call with Patrick: call.pem.coach

#depression #sadness #hope #crisis #mentalhealth #marriage #relationships #faith #christianmarriage #isolation #tenacitypodcast #patrickemartinez

Month five of the crisis. Nothing has gotten better. Their daughters are still gone, the court is still the court, and the longer it goes the worse it looks on paper. What changed is Maddie's response to it.

This is Part 2 of a three-part series on anxiety and depression in the midst of a crisis. Patrick and Maddie talk about suffering with a purpose instead of pointlessly, why a crisis magnifies every flaw you were already carrying, the fog of war and why you are not supposed to see the whole path, and the shame that shows up when you cannot keep up appearances. Then the high chair: a baby shower gift with a $35 budget, an antique from Facebook Marketplace, twelve hours of stripping and painting, and a cousin who called it the most meaningful gift he got.

Part 1 is where the anxiety conversation started. Part 3 is depression.

Chapters

00:00 Previously, on Part 1

00:58 Welcome

01:49 Peace Despite The Chaos

03:25 Suffering With A Purpose

04:49 The Choice Inside Suffering

05:53 A Crisis Magnifies Every Flaw

07:08 The Last Crisis

08:13 Wisdom Only Suffering Teaches

10:52 The Fog Of War

13:32 Walking By Faith

14:45 Shame And Self-image

15:56 Caring What People Think

16:59 The Baby Shower Gift

19:17 Abased And Abounding

20:22 The $35 High Chair

25:22 The Gift He'd Remember

26:43 Draining People

30:06 Find The Source, Remove It

30:46 Be Proud Of The Fight

31:49 Please God, Not Men

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.

Free 30 minute call with Patrick: call.pem.coach

Maddie has been anxious since she was a kid. Then the crisis hit: five and a half months without their daughters, another round of false accusations, court dates, attorney bills. The anxiety turned into a skin infection that three months of antibiotics could not clear, because the thing keeping it alive was stress.

This is Part 1 of a three-part series on anxiety and depression in the midst of a crisis. Maddie describes what anxiety is like from the inside, every waking second, and Patrick describes what it was like to watch. Then they walk through what actually changed: the two priorities Maddie was allowed to worry about and the note on her phone that held them, what Patrick took off her plate, what he had to hand off himself, and why self-care is not a pedicure.

Part 2 keeps going on anxiety, the shame that comes with a crisis, and a $35 high chair. Part 3 is depression.

Chapters

00:00 Someone's about to die

00:19 Why Anxiety, Why Now

03:15 Every Waking Second

05:25 Anxiety Or Trauma

06:14 Peace Can't Depend On Circumstances

09:24 The Illness That Forced The Lesson

13:25 Chapter One: Self-care

17:49 Two Priorities, Nothing Else

19:41 That's Not Your Burden

21:26 Let Him Cook

22:23 You're Not Their Protector

26:18 Self-care Is Active

27:29 Interrupt The Spiral

29:05 Where The Worry Came From

30:28 Your Body Thinks It's A Wolf

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.

Free 30 minute call with Patrick: call.pem.coach

People quote Hebrews 10 at Patrick and Maddie: do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together. Patrick's answer is that the verse is about community, and that a church where you cannot question a doctrine without being removed is not offering community. So they went and found it elsewhere. A fathers' group in Tulsa. An AA meeting, though Patrick has never been an addict. The mats at Maddie's jiu jitsu gym, where a training partner asked how she was really doing and her instructor corrected him when his advice went off the rails. She calls that better Christian community than she was getting on Sunday.

Then Patrick, who spent seven years as a pastor and went to Bible college for this, lays out the part he cannot get around. He argues the church has the gospel itself wrong. That "Jesus died for your sins" is a thin description of the cross, like saying he bought Maddie a wedding ring so she would have something pretty to wear. That everlasting life in John 3:16 is not heaven, and Jesus defines it himself four chapters later. That salvation was never about accepting forgiveness, and the best salvation prayer in the Bible is Paul's five-word question.

They are not deconstructing. Patrick is clear about the difference: they name what is broken, and then they put something in its place.

If you have a good church, keep it. This is where the two of them landed.

Chapters

00:00 Previously, in Part 1

00:55 Welcome

01:16 The three reasons, recapped

01:59 The verse people quote at us

03:09 You cannot question the doctrine

03:20 So we found community elsewhere

03:41 The fathers' group

06:28 Adhere to all of it, or get out

07:16 The church as a black hole

09:38 You'd be a better Christian in the parking lot

10:42 If your church closed, would anyone notice?

11:38 Better Christian community at jiu jitsu

14:35 The biggest reason, we can't buy in

15:11 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees

16:21 Jesus died for your sins is a weak description

17:23 They made salvation all about heaven

18:02 John 3:16, and what everlasting life means

19:08 Salvation has nothing to do with forgiveness

20:22 What a salvation prayer actually is

21:25 How you actually hear God's voice

22:48 Not deconstructing, reconstructing

23:26 Why the Bible is not like any other book

24:21 God's Word is one Greek word

25:18 You can't grasp it with a 3D brain

26:37 Reading the Bible topically

27:51 What they never teach you

28:46 Where Jesus would actually be

29:14 Thanks for being with us

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.

Free 30 minute call with Patrick: call.pem.coach

Patrick was a pastor for seven years. Maddie came to faith as an adult. They found a church they loved, with the best preacher Patrick had ever heard, and they told the pastors their entire history before they ever volunteered for anything. The criminal trial. The false accusations. The not-guilty verdict. Every pastor there knew, and every one of them said it would not be a problem.

Then one couple in their small group looked them up, said they were uncomfortable, and the pastor called Patrick and Maddie in. Not to defend them. To tell them to go.

This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation about why the Martinezes stopped going to church. Patrick tells it plainly: the meeting where he cried in front of those men, the walk across the parking lot, and the slow realization over the months that followed that there was no other church waiting for them. They visited others. They sat through a worship set that was all me, a youth pastor who promised that a bigger tithe would sell their house, and a sermon on fear from a woman whose worst moment was getting separated from her tour group at the pyramids, delivered to a couple who had spent fifteen months not knowing if he was going to prison.

They are not telling anyone else to leave. If you have a church you love, keep it. This is their story and the three reasons behind it.

Part 2 goes into the scripture and the theology.

Chapters

00:00 It's not about right and wrong, somebody complained

00:20 Welcome

00:56 Reason one, we got kicked out

01:51 The church our friends brought us to

03:02 The best preacher I ever heard

05:43 We bought in, and I wanted to serve again

06:50 We told the pastors everything

08:39 The first day I ran sound, I cried

10:02 A prayer request in small group

11:04 One couple looked us up

12:25 I was devastated. I was heartbroken.

13:20 Church hurt, and who it belongs to

14:15 Reason two, there wasn't another church for us

15:07 A service that was wrong start to finish

16:53 The youth pastor whose tithe sold his house

17:38 The tithe is not in the New Testament

19:27 A sermon about fear

20:43 What do you know about fear?

21:54 It's a business

22:36 Twenty hours a week, for free

23:55 The church is a greenhouse

24:39 So I rewrote the book

25:23 Why we don't call ourselves Christians

26:58 We've grown more since we left

29:19 What people in crisis actually need

31:34 Not our target audience

32:29 More in common with people in recovery

34:29 We're not deconstructing

36:05 Reason three, the Lord hasn't told us to go back

The Tenacity Podcast is Patrick and Maddie Martinez, a podcast for couples about marriage, family and getting through a crisis together.

Free 30 minute call with Patrick: call.pem.coach

#church #churchhurt #leavingchurch #faith #christianity #christianmarriage #marriage #relationships #tithing #deconstruction #tenacitypodcast #patrickemartinez

We launched this podcast on April 1, 2026. That was the last day we saw our girls. Their mother filed a notice suspending visitation and named this show as the cause. No police report, no doctor’s note, no counselor, no teacher, no evidence the children ever watched a single full episode. Because they never did.

Patrick and Maddie walk through the whole case: the two earlier rounds of false allegations that ended in a seven day criminal jury trial and a not guilty verdict, the motion to enforce visitation, a 45 day statute that took 126 days, the demurrer, and the ruling read out loud word for word. Patrick reads the legal definition of abuse and shows the burden was never met.

This is the hardest episode we have made, and it is the reason the show exists. We started The Tenacity Podcast to help couples in crisis learn to suffer well. We did not expect to be living one on air.

They want us quieter. We are going to be louder.

Talk to Patrick. Free 30 minute call.

If your marriage is in crisis right now, you do not have to sit in it alone. Patrick is a relationship coach and he is not speaking from theory. He will get on a free 30 minute one on one call with you. No pitch, no pressure. Just an honest conversation about what is happening in your marriage and what your options actually are. It costs you nothing but half an hour, and he will run long if you need him to.

Book here: ⁠https://call.pem.coach⁠

Go deeper with Survive & Thrive: ⁠https://PatrickEMartinez.com/relationship-rescue⁠

This episode is Patrick and Maddie Martinez’s own account and opinion of proceedings they were party to. Not legal advice.

#TenacityPodcast #FamilyCourt #ParentalAlienation #FathersRights #FreeSpeech

Spotify gets a trimmed 16 chapter list because it shows far less copy before the fold than YouTube.