I recorded this episode four times. Did my hair. Set up the lights. Tried to make it look put together. And every single time, I deleted it.

So this is version five. No makeup. No lighting. Just me in my pajamas being honest about something I did not want to say out loud.

I am almost 46 years old. And a few weeks ago, I texted my mom to ask her to cover my rent.

In this episode, I talk about what it actually looks like to survive a hard season when you are the type of person who refuses to ask for help. The delivery apps. The savings account I emptied out. The back that gave out twice doing Instacart. And the 20 minutes I sat staring at my mom's name in my phone before I finally sent the text.

I also talk about the pressure that comes with being in your 40s, 50s, or 60s and still being in the middle of it. The shame of not being "set" by now. The lie we were handed about what this stage of life is supposed to look like. And why I am done pretending that getting through hard things looks like a 30-second montage with an uplifting song.

This one is for everyone who is white-knuckling their life right now because they are too embarrassed to need people.

You are not behind. You are just still in it.