What happens when one person has worn more than one uniform?

In Episode 4 of The Things We Carry, I sit down with Cris McKinney to talk about a career that has taken him through the fire service, 15 years in law enforcement, and EMS.

But this conversation isn’t just about the jobs he’s worked.

It’s about the man behind the uniforms.

Cris and I talk about his experiences across different sides of public safety, what led him from one chapter to the next, and what years of serving other people can mean for the person underneath the uniform.

We also spend a lot of time talking about something that doesn’t get discussed enough: family life behind the uniform.Being a first responder doesn’t end when the shift does. The long hours, missed time, stress, responsibility, and weight of the job can follow you home and the people waiting there often carry some of it with you.

Fire. Police. EMS. Different uniforms. Different calls. Same person underneath them all.

This is Cris McKinney’s story.

The Things We CarryReal Stories. Real People. Real Weight.

Sometimes it isn’t one call. Sometimes it’s everything.

In Episode 3 of The Things We Carry, I talk about what happens when years of calls, stress, expectations, exhaustion, things at home, and the weight you keep telling yourself you can handle finally begin to add up.

This episode isn’t about blaming one moment for everything that happened. It’s about the accumulation. The things we see. The things we don’t talk about. The pressure to keep showing up. The belief that because you’re the one helping everybody else, you’re supposed to be able to handle your own problems alone.

I also talk about reaching a point where I needed help, what that experience looked like, and what I learned when I finally found myself on the other side of the role I was used to being in.

It wasn’t just one call. It was the weight of all of it.

If you’re struggling, please reach out to someone you trust or contact 988 in the United States by calling or texting 988.

The Things We Carry Podcast

Real Stories. Real People. Real Weight.

In Episode 2 of The Things We Carry, I sit down with Crystal Brewer, an AEMT, 17-year EMS veteran, and passionate mental health advocate, for an open and honest conversation about mental health in EMS.

First responders spend their careers walking into situations that most people will never experience. We are trained to take control, care for the patient, make difficult decisions, and keep moving when everything around us is falling apart. What we are not always taught is how to process the things we see or what to do when the calls begin following us home.

The weight of EMS does not always come from one terrible call. Sometimes there is one moment that changes everything. Other times, the damage builds slowly through years of cumulative trauma, missed sleep, long shifts, loss, burnout, and constantly placing everyone else’s needs ahead of our own.

Crystal shares her perspective from 17 years in EMS and explains why mental health advocacy has become so important to her. We talk about the stigma surrounding mental health in emergency services, the pressure to remain silent, and the belief that asking for help somehow makes someone weak or incapable of doing the job.

We also discuss why phrases such as “you signed up for this” and “just get over it” can be so harmful. Signing up to help people does not make someone immune to trauma. Wearing a uniform does not remove the human being underneath it.

I also open up further about my own mental health struggles, what I have carried throughout my career, and why creating this podcast matters so much to me. Too many people in EMS become skilled at helping everyone except themselves. Too many continue saying they are fine because they are afraid of being judged, treated differently, or viewed as weak.

Breaking the silence means having the conversations we have avoided for too long. It means checking on our partners, listening without judgment, and reminding people that they do not have to wait until they reach their breaking point before asking for help.

This episode contains serious discussions involving trauma, depression, suicide, and suicidal thoughts. Please take care of yourself while listening.

If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. First responders and their families can also call the Responder Health 24/7 Peer Advocate Hotline at (253) 243-3701. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

You do not have to carry everything alone.

THE THINGS WE CARRY

Real Stories. Real People. Real Weight.

Hosted by Drew Grice

Featuring Crystal Brewer, AEMT

17-Year EMS Veteran and Mental Health Advocate

Why does The Things We Carry exist?

For the first episode, I felt like I needed to answer that question myself.

I hate talking about myself. I’m much more comfortable sitting across from someone else, listening to their story and asking the questions. But I don’t think it would be fair to build a podcast asking other people to be vulnerable about the things they carry if I wasn’t willing to go first.

In this episode, I talk about who I was before EMS, becoming an EMT and eventually a paramedic, and how quickly things most people would consider abnormal became normal.

I talk about the calls that followed me home, losing my grandfather and working his cardiac arrest myself, years of putting things away instead of dealing with them, and what happened when carrying everything became normal.

I also talk openly about my mental health, suicidal thoughts, a suicide attempt, getting professional help, and one of the hardest things I eventually had to learn:

Getting help and actually allowing someone to help you are not the same thing.

This episode isn’t the entirety of my story. It’s enough of it to explain why I’m here and why I created The Things We Carry.

This show isn’t therapy. It isn’t a trauma competition, and it isn’t about glorifying being damaged.

It’s a place for honest conversations about what people carry long after everyone else thinks the moment is over.

Real Stories. Real People. Real Weight.

Content warning: This episode includes discussion of trauma, depression, suicidal thoughts, and a suicide attempt. No method or graphic details are discussed.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger, call 911.

Real stories. Real people. Real weight. The Things We Carry is a podcast about the things people in service carry long after the call, shift, deployment, or moment is over. Hosted by Drew Grice. New episodes beginning September 2nd, 2026.