the tortoise & the hare

In this week's episode, Brooke & Ben explore the duality of selfish & selfless. They get a little word-nerdy as they look at the different definitions and explore the traits of a truly selfish person.

They also explore the relationship between selfishness, selflessness and self-care, why single-mindedness (and by extension, neurodivergence) can read as being self-absorbed, before Ben quizzes Brooke on…shellfish.

They also talk about:

* why children and teenagers are often self-centred

* periods of life when we’re more likely to be selfish

* unaddressed resentment

* why knowing our personal values can help manage the balance

* the line between self-love and self-absorption

* QUIZ: name that shellfish!

Thanks for listening!

Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com 

Whether it’s food, beauty products, or the state of our home, describing something as ‘clean’ also implies there is ‘dirty’, an idea that carries a lot of guilt and shame. In this week’s episode, Brooke and Ben dig into a new duality by looking at food, home, green-cleaning and more.

Ben talks about the brosphere — specifically the rise of ‘clean eating’ and its impact on boys and young men — and Brooke talks about her conflicted feelings on individual responsibility versus industry accountability. Ben also shares his honest take on Brooke’s hardcore green-cleaning and no-shampoo hippie eras, as well as the tidiness of their house as a barometer of mental well-being and why the internet will never agree on how often to clean the walls.

They also talk about:

·      dropping their standards

·      why kids can be a balancing influence on all-or-nothing thinking

·      using righteous anger to fuel our enoughness

·      making small changes in the face of systemic problems

·      quality versus quantity and how a bit of fussiness isn’t a bad thing

·      the painful gap between the why and how of things

·      knowing when a fight is worthwhile and when it’s not

·      the importance of language around food and health and why men and women experience it differently

·      what it means to be ‘houseproud’

·      QUIZ: how often do you need to clean a ____?

Thanks for listening! 

Links:

Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com 

Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $8AUD/month or $80AUD/yr.

If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehare

Access the full, human-made transcript here

Credits:

the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.

Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary

Edited by Ben McAlary

Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio

Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic

Whether it’s food, beauty products, or the state of our home, describing something as ‘clean’ also implies there is ‘dirty’, an idea that carries a lot of guilt and shame. In this week’s episode, Brooke and Ben dig into a new duality by looking at food, home, green-cleaning and more.

Ben talks about the brosphere — specifically the rise of ‘clean eating’ and its impact on boys and young men — and Brooke talks about her conflicted feelings on individual responsibility versus industry accountability. Ben also shares his honest take on Brooke’s hardcore green-cleaning and no-shampoo hippie eras, the tidiness of their house as a barometer of mental well-being, and why the internet will never agree on how often to clean the walls.

They also talk about:

• dropping their standards
• why kids can be a balancing influence on all-or-nothing thinking
• using righteous anger to fuel our enoughness
• making small changes in the face of systemic problems
• quality versus quantity and how a bit of fussiness isn’t a bad thing
• the painful gap between the why and how of things
• knowing when a fight is worthwhile and when it’s not
• the importance of language around food and health and why men and women experience it differently
• what it means to be ‘houseproud’
• QUIZ: how often do you need to clean a ____?

Thanks for listening!

Links:

• Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com 
• Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $8AUD/month or $80AUD/yr.
• If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehare
• Access the full, human-made transcript here

Credits:

• the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.
• Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary
• Edited by Ben McAlary
• Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio
• Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic

Join The Tortoise Community: https://brookemcalary.substack.com/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Prompted by a listener question, this week’s episode is about Brooke and Ben’s relationship with alcohol and how it’s changed over the past five years. Brooke shares why she never really wanted to use the word ‘sober’ to describe herself and how healing helped her let go of rigid ideas on drinking vs not drinking.

Ben discusses the role drinking culture has had on his life and why he thinks other countries do it better than Australia. They also talk about wasted days, the toll drinking takes and the flip-side: the high cost of complete restriction. It’s a vulnerable chat but it feels important to share.

They also discuss:

- their respective relationships with alcohol — then and now

- Brooke’s experience with quitting — why, how and what she told people about it

- what was lost and gained

- how learning to have fun sober has been a game-changer

- the physiological effects of alcohol and why Brooke used it as a social crutch

- why moralising could have a negative effect on their family

- how to step back from a restrictive mindset and soften the language we use

- why we still do things we know to be “bad” for us

- the difference between preferences and non-negotiables

- what Brooke and Ben would tell themselves 10 years ago

Thanks for listening!

Links:

Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com 

Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $8AUD/month or $80AUD/yr.

If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehare and watch today's episode

Access the full, human-made transcript here

Credits:

the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.

Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary

Edited by Ben McAlary

Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio

Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic

Prompted by a listener question, this week’s episode is about Brooke and Ben’s relationship with alcohol and how it’s changed over the past five years. Brooke shares why she never really wanted to use the word ‘sober’ to describe herself and how healing helped her let go of rigid ideas on drinking vs not drinking.

Ben discusses the role drinking culture has had on his life and why he thinks other countries do it better than Australia. They also talk about wasted days, the toll drinking takes and the flip-side: the high cost of complete restriction. It’s a vulnerable chat but it feels important to share.

They also discuss:

• their respective relationships with alcohol — then and now
• Brooke’s experience with quitting — why, how and what she told people about it
• what was lost and gained
• how learning to have fun sober has been a game-changer
• the physiological effects of alcohol and why Brooke used it as a social crutch
• why moralising could have a negative effect on their family
• how to step back from a restrictive mindset and soften the language we use
• why we still do things we know to be “bad” for us
• the difference between preferences and non-negotiables
• what Brooke and Ben would tell themselves 10 years ago

Thanks for listening!

Links:

• Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com 
• Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $8AUD/month or $80AUD/yr.
• If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehare and watch today's episode
• Access the full, human-made transcript here

Credits:

• the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.
• Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary
• Edited by Ben McAlary
• Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio
• Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic

Join The Tortoise Community: https://brookemcalary.substack.com/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s episode, Brooke and Ben dive into different ways of thinking — open and closed, fixed and fluid and whatever exists in between. They discuss their different approaches to rule-following, how they deal with opinion chameleons and why finding common ground is one of the most effective ways to have a constructive conversation.

Ben also explains why he loves playing the devil’s advocate (and why Brooke finds it infuriating!) and finishes with a hard-hitting question: rigid or flexible lollies — which is better?

They discuss:

hypersensitivity

Brooke’s EMDR experience

dealing with narrow-minded people

chameleon opinions and why they’re so confusing

rule-followers vs rebels

improving cognitive flexibility

how to engage different opinions without losing your mind

why hope hurts sometimes

the great lolly debate: rigid vs flexible

Thanks for listening!

Links:

Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com 

Credits:

the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.

Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary

Edited by Ben McAlary

Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio

Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic

When it comes to age and youth, body image takes a beating at both ends. Can we find a gentler way through the years?

In today’s show, Brooke and Ben discuss the duality of wrinkles & pimples — i.e. the visible elements of youth and aging — and how they are literally in the middle of it right now, with both wrinkles and pimples (and grey hair and stiff backs in the morning).

They discuss:

- changing body image in their mid-40s- why gender-affirming care (including hair removal, plastic surgery, make-up and hormone therapy) should be accessible to everyone- the changing role of body image for boys and men over the past decade- what our faces and bodies are actually for- the billionaires who want to live forever and go to great lengths to avoid aging

Thanks for listening!

Links:

- Find everything mentioned in today’s show at brookemcalary.substack.com - Become a paying supporter of ttath and get double the episodes! Weekly shows delivered straight to your inbox for just $5AUD/month for a limited time- If video is your jam, subscribe to our YouTube channel @thetortoiseandthehare

Credits:

- the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.- Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary- Edited by Ben McAlary- Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio- Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic

In the first episode of the tortoise & the hare, Ben and I revisit slow living one last time (no, really!) to see where we exist on the spectrum of speed today.

Initially, slow living was a new way of seeing the world. It provided freedom and community and opportunity. But within a few years, the wellness industry exploded and slow-living voices competed to become a new version of the Joneses — the most slow, the most aesthetic, the most minimalist. What started as a fluid, adaptable idea became consumption-driven and highly aspirational.

We’re so glad you’re here for the first episode and hope you enjoy it! Let us know what you think and what dualities you’d like us to tackle

💚

links from this episode:

* from the archives: Too much of something good is still too much

* from the archives: The fondest farewell

* painting hyperfixation song: My Old Ways by Tame Impala

* bearded flower crown man on IG: jonathanhiebert

* my books

* listen on spotify | apple | pocketcasts | and all other quality pod providers

* if video is your jam, subscribe to @thetortoiseandthehare on YouTube

support the show:

* paying supporters of ttath get double the pod! Weekly episiodes delivered straight to your inbox for just $5/month (until September 7, then it goes up to $8/month)

credits:

* the tortoise & the hare is a McAlary Media production.

* Produced and hosted by Brooke McAlary and Ben McAlary

* Edited by Ben McAlary

* Studio equipment supplied by shot.studio

* Theme music is Edgar Allan Poe by Modern Aquatic

Listen to the tortoise & the hare preview now. The first episode drops 20th August 2026!

Fast and slow. Young and old. Hard and soft. Open and closed. Real and fake. Hide and seek. Pleasure and pain… Life is full of dualities and extremes and pick-a-sides. But most of our days are spent in the messy middle. 

the tortoise & the hare is a weekly show from Brooke and Ben McAlary, creators of the much-loved  Slow Home Podcast (RIP). Each episode is a human-made, homegrown, perfectly imperfect conversation about the either/or of life and the vast grey area in between.

Because we all contain multitudes. So let’s talk about them.

***

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Instead of the usual conversation between Brooke and Ben, today's episode is simply a reading of the final ever edition of The Tortoise newsletter. 

Take a listen, and please know that it has been an absolute pleasure to be heard by you over the years. 

https://brookemcalary.substack.com/p/sometimes-life-surprises-us 

Much love and thanks for listening,

Brooke and Ben xx

Join The Tortoise Community: https://brookemcalary.substack.com/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.