This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit desireebstephens.substack.com

During today’s conversation we explored something many people say they want, but few of us are actually taught how to practice.

Community.

Not the idealized version.

The real version.

The version that includes repair, tension, growth, and people learning how to stay in relationship with one another while things are still unfolding.

Community building sounds beautiful in theory.

But in practice, it asks something much more difficult of us.

It asks us to remain in relationship long enough for transformation to occur.

It asks us to leave space for repair.

And sometimes, it asks us to orient toward someone’s good even when the relationship itself is complicated.

The conversation opened with a reflection from Prentis Hemphill’s book What It Takes to Heal and a line that landed deeply in my body.

“I think love is when you will another’s existence.”

That definition of love stretches far beyond romance.

It shows up in parenting.

In friendship.

In community.

And in the ways we decide whether or not we are willing to make space for someone’s becoming.

Even when the relationship itself is still unfolding.

Leaving Space for Repair

During the live conversation, I shared a story from Shady’s birthday party.

Her father and I have a complicated history.

Separation, divorce, and new family structures often bring tension and unanswered questions about what relationships are supposed to look like afterward.

But during the party he video called her.

And when she saw his face, her whole energy shifted.

She lit up.

That moment did not erase the complicated parts of our history.

But it reminded me of something important.

Repair does not always arrive in perfect form.

Sometimes repair simply begins with leaving space for it to happen.

Leaving space does not mean ignoring harm.

It means recognizing the difference between being responsible for someone’s work and being responsible to the relationships that still exist.

I am not responsible for another adult’s healing or growth.

But I am responsible to my children.

Responsible to leave space for them to navigate what repair might look like in their own relationships.

That distinction changes everything.

🔒 Continue Reading

The rest of this piece explores:

• why orienting toward someone’s good changes how we approach community• the difference between responsibility and control• how matriarchal frameworks invite children into accountability and repair• and why liberation work must live in Self, Home, and Work

Paid subscribers help sustain the time and care required to hold these conversations. If you need a scholarship, please email [email protected]