The Unplanned Parent

Ashley goes back to work soon. The childcare question is next.

In Season 2, Episode 10, Angel walks through everything: daycare vs. nanny vs. grandparents, what the research shows about infections, development, and leukemia risk, what to look for in a nanny, and why the first nanny she ever hired fell asleep holding her one-month-old and then called her from the phone she’d said she lost.

The main finding: the setting matters less than whether the person watching the child is actually present. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.

Also: 6 to 12 colds per year is completely normal. Working parent guilt has data behind it. And hand washing beats sanitizer, especially after playing with toys indoors.

Raman sent a screenshot of an AI rash diagnosis to the family group chat before Angel could respond. Angel had feelings about this. Those feelings became a podcast episode.

Dr. Jonathan Chen is a physician and biomedical AI researcher at Stanford who went to college at 13 and can solve a Rubik's Cube in ways that require explanation. He joins Angel and Raman for the AI in medicine conversation that’s been building since Episode 3.

They cover knowledge vs. judgment, the sycophancy problem, empathy tokens, algorithmic bias, what AI is actually good at vs. where humans are still essential, and the competence-communication-character framework for trusting anyone — doctor or AI — with something that matters.

Also: AI can read your ethnicity from a chest X-ray. And possibly your health from your voice.

Masha is back, Baby Zen is a few months old, and the question has shifted from how do we survive this to am I actually doing this right.

Masha talks about meeting Zen for the first time, the welcome party, parenting guilt that never fully leaves, and the walk she chose over the grading. Angel covers what kids actually need: stimulation, nutrition, safety, attachment, sleep — and what parental presence looks like at every stage, from newborn to teenager.

Also covered: vegetarian vs. vegan for kids, the data on parental sensitivity and executive function, 15 minutes of child-led play, and why Life 360 might be making parents more anxious, not less.

Closing: you’re never going to get it all right. But you are the perfect parent for your child.

Raman noticed Zen preferred looking left. Angel noticed it too. This episode is what happened next.

Season 2, Episode 7 covers baby head shapes: positional plagiocephaly, torticollis, what the two conditions have to do with each other, and why starting treatment early — Angel means really early, not at the four-month visit — makes a significant difference in outcomes.

They cover the physical therapy exercises, the environmental changes at home, why a flat spot is more than cosmetic, and the stuff you didn’t know: there are six soft spots on a baby’s head, not one. And babies have puzzle-piece skulls because human brains are simply too big to fit through the birth canal any other way.

Sleep deprivation is not a badge of honor. It is a real risk factor for postpartum depression. And there are things parents can do about it.

In this episode, Angel walks through the full infant sleep timeline: what to do in the first few weeks, what changes at four months, and what the six-month sleep training window actually looks like. Cry it out, camp it out, Ferber, drowsy but awake, routines from day one — all of it, with the context parents actually need to make decisions.

Also: breastfed babies sleep more in total, but formula-fed babies may sleep in longer stretches. Raman’s experience with Zen matches the data. And his friends in San Diego are calling the swaddle something Angel has never heard in a medical context.

Three weeks in, Raman has a lot of questions. Angel has been waiting for them.

This episode covers the first month of life with Baby Zen: swaddling with arms out, starting tummy time in the newborn period, flat spots and torticollis, cross eyes, cradle cap, peeling skin, pacifiers, irregular breathing, and why talking to your baby in a sing-songy voice is backed by real research.

Angel also shares what she witnessed Ashley do that impressed her more than almost anything: validating Zen’s emotions at five days old. And Raman shares what’s been harder than expected — Masha being away in Taiwan, the two-hour sleep schedule, and realizing he no longer has FOMO about anything that doesn’t involve his baby.

He also cried. On camera. He’d like to move on.

There’s a lot of noise around breastfeeding vs. formula. This episode is the context most parents are missing.

Dr. Angel walks through what’s actually in formula, what to look for on a label, what the MFGM research shows, why US formulas might have too much iron, and what the breastfeeding benefit data actually means when you look at absolute rather than relative risk.

She also covers something that doesn’t get talked about enough: the health benefits of breastfeeding for moms. Reduced cancer risk, cardiovascular protection, lower type 2 diabetes risk — all dose-dependent on duration.

Ashley started with a perfect latch and ended up with a trifecta of banked milk, pumped milk, and formula. That is not failure. That is a mom doing everything she can.

Most men would rather Google their symptoms than talk to a doctor about what’s happening below the belt. This episode is for those men.

In this episode 3 of The Unplanned Parent, Dr. Angel is joined by Dr. Lamia Gabal — board-certified urologist, one of Orange County’s top docs, and one of the most entertaining guests the show has had. She went to UCSD medical school, did her fellowship there in urology, and has been practicing for over two decades seeing both men and women. She also has one of the best stories about bolt cutters you’ll ever hear.

They cover everything: what nicotine, tobacco, and marijuana do to penile health and erectile function (including a young football player who came in for ED and was smoking weed every day), how anxiety creates a vicious cycle that makes ED worse, the role of obesity and the Ozempic penis phenomenon, PRP injections and shockwave therapy, testosterone replacement and why external testosterone shuts down sperm production completely, the boxers vs briefs data, and why only 4% of sperm looking normal is actually the norm.

Dr. Gabal also makes an important plug for vaginal health: topical estrogen, the Mona Lisa laser, and why the Women’s Health Initiative did women a massive disservice in the early 2000s that too many doctors still haven’t corrected for.

Angel’s closing line: nobody talks about penile health except her and her brother. The data is real, the conditions are common, and embarrassment is the only thing standing between most people and getting help.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube.

YouTube Chapters

00:00 Cold Open — Weed and What It Does to Testosterone and Erections

00:44 Welcome — Meet Dr. Lamia Gabal, Board-Certified Urologist

01:11 Urologists See Everyone — Not Just Penises

01:48 What Nicotine, Laptops, and Hot Tubs All Have in Common

02:22 Raman’s Vaping Journey Revisited — From Sub-Fertile to Impressive

03:18 Dr. Gabal’s Path to Urology: Plastic Surgery Rotation Became a Career

04:10 Being a Female Urologist: From 4% to Almost 11% of the Field

05:00 Do Male Patients Get Awkward With a Female Urologist?

05:54 What Happens When Someone Comes in for ED and Doesn’t Have It in the Office

07:20 Dr. Gabal’s Egyptian-American Background and Her Very Open Father

08:33 Angel’s Indian Parents and Why Tim Had to Announce the Pregnancy

09:15 Nicotine and Penile Health: The Vascular Lining Problem

10:20 Vasoconstriction, Blood Flow, and Why Nicotine Is Bad for Erections

11:00 PRP Into the Penis: What It Is, Why It’s Done, and Why Smokers Get Turned Away

13:44 The Regenerative Medicine Toolkit: PRP, Exosomes, Stem Cells, Shockwave

14:34 Penile Enhancement With PRP — And Why Smokers Can’t Get It

15:27 Nicotine Patches and Pouches: Better Than Smoking, But Not Good

16:05 Marijuana and Erectile Dysfunction: The Young Football Player

17:19 How THC Raises Estrogen and Lowers Testosterone

18:33 Angel’s Pediatric Experience: ED in Teen Marijuana Users

19:08 Anxiety as a Cause of ED — The Vicious Cycle

20:29 Finasteride for Hair Loss and What It Can Do to Erections

21:39 Obesity, Metabolic Syndrome, and the Ozempic Penis Phenomenon

23:33 Anything Heart Healthy Is Penis Healthy

24:18 Shockwave Therapy + PRP: Better Together Than Either Alone

25:03 Are Men Using ED Treatments as a Reason to Let Themselves Go?

26:12 Treatment Options: What the Progression Looks Like

27:46 The 80-Year-Old With a 50-Year-Old Girlfriend: I’m Sorry, I Can’t Raise the Dead

28:49 Proactive Penile Health: Use It or Lose It

29:39 Vaginal Health: Same Principle, Different Organ

30:10 Testosterone Replacement and Why It Kills Sperm Production

31:16 Andropause: Testosterone Levels and When to Treat

33:16 Sperm Morphology: 4% Normal Is Actually the Norm

34:42 Why Sperm Shape Reflects What’s Inside

36:02 Destigmatizing Sexual Health — Dr. Gabal’s Daughter With Asthma Analogy

37:16 Medical Breakdown: Tobacco, Nicotine, and Marijuana’s Effects Reviewed

38:33 Topical Estrogen: Why It’s Underused and Critically Important

39:08 The Women’s Health Initiative and the Damage It Did

40:18 Earlier Hormone Replacement Is Better — Always

41:22 The Mona Lisa Laser and Why She’s Smiling

43:04 Is This Normal? Only 4% of Sperm Looking Normal Is the Average

50:18 Teens, Vaping, and Reproductive Health: The Timing Problem

51:12 Stuff You Didn’t Know: Boxers vs Briefs and Sperm Concentration

57:00 How Nitroglycerin Led to the Discovery of Viagra

62:37 The Bolt Cutter Story — Dr. Gabal’s Chief Residency Anecdote

65:56 Closing — Nobody Talks About This. The Data Is Real. Share This Episode.

Baby Zen came home from the hospital. Then he went back.

Jaundice — specifically a bilirubin of 19, a Coombs positive result, and ABO incompatibility — sent Raman and Ashley back to the NICU for four nights when Zen was four days old. In this episode they tell the full story: the text message, the crying, the packing of the bag, the phototherapy lights, the IV they couldn’t get in, the NG tube, and the occupational therapist who fixed the feeding problem with one nipple change.

Dr. Angel covers what jaundice is, why it happens so commonly in newborns, what ABO incompatibility means, and the phototherapy guideline change in 2022 that halved the number of babies getting unnecessary treatment. Plus: the fascinating history of how phototherapy was discovered by nurses watching babies near hospital windows in the 1950s.

Ashley’s parents sent a message about Raman as a father. It opens the episode. Bring a tissue.

He’s here.

In this episode of The Unplanned Parent, Raman and Ashley are joined by Dr. Angel to tell the story of Baby Zen’s arrival. Two weeks old at the time of recording, Zen came into the world via induction at 39 weeks and four days — Ashley’s age and the IVF process both factoring into the decision to not go past 40 weeks. Raman picked Ashley up the morning of the induction, they went for a beach walk, got burritos, and headed to the hospital. What followed was about 14 hours of labor, no epidural, and Raman stepping out for a Coke Zero during active pushing.

They cover the moment the baby arrived (he popped out, immediately pooped, immediately latched), Raman cutting the cord after being told it was “like cutting a piece of meat,” the accidental nipple photo texted to the entire family, the puja welcome ceremony at Ashley’s home with both families, the NICU stay for jaundice, Ashley’s postpartum incontinence situation (now resolved with a diaper solution she’s proud of), and Raman joining what he thought was a lactation group but was actually a loctation group for people with dreadlocks. Dr. Angel covers the medical side: brain changes in both birthing and non-birthing parents after a baby arrives, baby blues vs. postpartum depression (including her own experience having PPD with all three of her kids and only getting treatment with her third), placenta pills and why the data doesn’t support them, and occupational therapists as an underutilized resource for newborn feeding problems.

Nobody can tell you what it’s going to feel like until it happens. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube.