The Unspoken Mindset

It's the end of September. The honeymoon is over. The inbox never empties. And on the drive home, the thought you've been trying not to think finally says itself out loud: I don't think I'm cut out for this.

I've been there. A year into my first assistant principal job, after years of working for that seat, I picked up the phone and asked my former principal if I could come back. I felt incompetent. I had decided I wasn't enough.

This episode is for the new leader who is ready to quit. I'm not going to tell you to push through. I'm going to show you why a hard day is data, not a verdict, and give you four tools you can use tomorrow morning when you feel like you aren't built for this.

Truth is, you are not behind. You are not a fraud. You are new. And new is allowed to be hard.

• Why "I'm not cut out for this" is almost never about skill
• The three things usually underneath it: exhaustion, a lack of clarity, and scorekeeping
• Why you'd never write off a first-year teacher in September, and why you shouldn't write off yourself either
• Fact or Feeling: separate the story from the facts, then rewrite the sentence
• The Receipts: three things you handled, every day, for two weeks
• The Win Question: one question for your principal that clears up the expectations nobody said out loud
• The Decision Date: don't make a permanent decision in a temporary season
• Why leaving a role on purpose is a very different answer from quitting in the car

• A hard day is data, not a verdict
• The Readiness Illusion
• Survival mode vs. sustainability
• Being a beginner in public
• Scorekeeping
• Fact or Feeling
• The Receipts
• The Win Question
• The Decision Date

new assistant principal wants to quit, first year assistant principal, first-time principal advice, school leader burnout, imposter syndrome school leadership, not cut out for leadership, readiness illusion, leadership mindset podcast, new school leader support, assistant principal first year struggles, teacher to administrator transition, going back to the classroom, school leadership coaching, survival mode vs sustainability, leadership self-doubt, educational leadership mindset, school leadership podcast, The Unspoken Mindset podcast, Joyce Conley-Hemmings

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!
💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Apply for New Leader Coaching with Joyce https://forms.gle/fLHsNVhkYnxL8TqXA

Are you looking to strengthen your leadership development pipeline? www.theunspokenmindset.com/umla

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

Description

A few years ago, my guest said four words to me during my previous Collaboration Over Competition Live: "purpose over position." I've been waiting for the right moment to bring that conversation to you with a new mindset focus, and it turns out that moment is right after an episode about leading before the title ever shows up.

This week I'm sitting down with Adasha Elmore, a current elementary school principal, for my next guest conversation on this show. Adasha leads from energy. People don't just follow her directives, they get pulled forward by her, and that's the kind of thing you can't put on an org chart. She's also a motorcycle rider, and once she told me how she reads the road, I couldn't unhear the leadership in it.

So this episode rides two things at once. We talk about what it means to lead on purpose instead of on position, and what two wheels with no frame around you teach you about judgment, calm, and being seen, long before anyone hands you a title to match it. We get into what leading before the title actually looked like for Adasha before she had the office and the keys, why calm has to come before speed when the instinct is to gun it, and what she tells a teacher who's standing at the edge of her own on-ramp, scared to merge.

If you've ever felt the pull between what your role asks of you and what you know you're actually here to do, this conversation is for you. Real talk: the title was never the thing giving you permission.

Key Terms

Purpose over position. Leading before the title. Motorcycle mindset. Calm is a strategy. Power of presence. Influence without a title.

Keywords

purpose over position, leading before the title, elementary school principal, motorcycle mindset, leadership without authority, influence without a title, guest interview school leadership, calm is a strategy, power of presence leadership, teacher leader mindset, assistant principal readiness, school leadership podcast, aspiring school leader, teacher to administrator transition, educational leadership mindset, informal leadership skills, leadership identity, Adasha Elmore, The Unspoken Mindset™ podcast, Joyce Conley-Hemmings, school leadership development

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!

Apply for New Leader Coaching with Joyce https://forms.gle/fLHsNVhkYnxL8TqXA

Are you a district leader looking to strengthen your leadership development pipeline? www.theunspokenmindset.com/umla

💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

I spent years waiting for the seat before I let myself think like the person in it. Even after years in the classroom and years as a coach, I kept telling myself the mindset shift would happen once the title showed up. It cost me time I didn't need to lose.

In this episode, I'm making the case that leadership doesn't work like a light switch. It works like a dimmer. It's already on, low, in how you interpret a problem, how you frame a hard conversation, how you respond when nobody has told you what to do yet. The mistake is thinking none of that counts until it's official.

We get into the real difference between task-oriented thinking and systems thinking, why influence starts building before anyone hands you authority, and why restraint matters just as much as initiative when you're trying to lead without a title. I'll walk you through a real coaching story about a teacher I coached who changed how she showed up in one PLC meeting, and how that one shift changed the way her leadership team saw her, months before her title ever caught up.

If you're still in the classroom, still coaching, still waiting for your first AP seat, this one's for you. If you're looking to step into your "What's Next"...give this episode a listen.

Real talk: the wait is optional. The thinking isn't.

What's covered:

• Why waiting for the title delays growth instead of protecting you
• The shift from task-oriented thinking to systems thinking, and why it doesn't require a title
• How influence forms through judgment and presence, before authority is ever granted
• The restraint piece most leadership advice skips: knowing when to step forward and when to hold back
• A real coaching story: how one systems-level question in a PLC meeting changed how a teacher was seen, long before her title changed
• This week's practice: one system-level question to ask out loud in a real meeting

Keywords: leading before the title, teacher leader mindset, assistant principal readiness, systems thinking in education, leadership without authority, influence without a title, school leadership podcast, aspiring school leader, teacher to administrator transition, educational leadership mindset, AP interview readiness, instructional leadership growth, informal leadership skills, first year assistant principal, leadership identity, The Unspoken Mindset podcast, Joyce Conley-Hemmings, school leadership development

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!

Apply for New Leader Coaching with Joyce https://forms.gle/fLHsNVhkYnxL8TqXA

Are you a district leader looking to strengthen your leadership development pipeline? www.theunspokenmindset.com/umla

💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

For years, I straightened my hair before every observation, every interview, every moment I needed to look "professional." Nobody told me that had NOTHING to do with leadership. In this episode, I sit down with Casey Watts of Clear is the New Confident to unpack my Let Me Be Clear statement — training builds skills, mindset determines whether it becomes leadership — and why assistant principals carry one of the hardest, least-prepared-for roles in a school building. We get into the fix-it fallacy, unlearning the unwritten rules nobody hands you, the year I almost quit, and the moment curly hair stopped being a mindset problem.

Show notes:

• My Let Me Be Clear statement: "Training builds skills. Mindset determines whether it becomes leadership."
• Why The Unspoken Mindset opens with a mindset inventory instead of a chapter 1 — and how that inventory changes depending on where you are in the school year
• The fix-it fallacy: why solving every problem for your staff isn't leadership, it's a habit I'm still unlearning
• Relationship boundaries — what it takes to lead people you used to teach alongside
• Why assistant principals are one of the most under-supported, under-trained roles in education, and what I wish someone had built for me
• The year I almost quit as a new AP, and what I'd tell myself now
• The story behind going natural — why I stopped straightening my hair before big moments, and the little girl who told me my hair looked like hers

Guest: Casey Watts, Podcast Host of Clear is the New Confident

Find her work at www.catchingupwithcasey.com

Keywords: assistant principal, aspiring administrator, school leadership, educational leadership mindset, The Unspoken Mindset™, women in school leadership, K-12 administration, instructional coach to administrator, leadership training vs mindset, new principal, fix-it fallacy, natural hair professionalism, confidence in leadership, education podcast, school leadership podcast, mentorship for assistant principals

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!
💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

It's August — new leaders are stepping into new roles and returning leaders are staring down a new year. In this episode, Joyce Conley-Hemmings breaks down what actually keeps leaders growing for the long haul: not a 90-day plan, but a sustainable relationship with your own inner work. Drawing on her own experience in school administration, coaching, and building the Unspoken Mindset Leadership Academy (UMLA), Joyce lays out what "sustainable" really means — and why the leaders who last aren't the ones who had it figured out on day one.

The work is never "done."

Sustainable growth isn't constant intensity.

The inner work is a discipline, not a crisis response.

You need people, not an audience.

Protected practices make sustainability possible.

Early investment compounds.

Interior development is foundational, not optional.

• "The work is not a destination. It is the orientation."
• "The investment you make in your own development right now compounds over the length of your career."
• "That is not time taken from the work. That is the work."
• "The leaders who last are not the ones who had it figured out at the beginning. They are the ones who developed a sustainable relationship with their own growth."

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

New and aspiring school administrators starting a role this year, returning leaders resetting for a new school year, and district-level decision-makers (principal supervisors, HR directors, superintendents) evaluating leadership development investment.

In this episode of The Unspoken Mindset, Joyce Conley-Hemmings unpacks the hidden cost of expertise: the moment a leader steps into a new role, a new building, or a new level of responsibility, they're a beginner again — and the ones who fight that reality stall out. Drawing on her own experience of getting defensive around a new principal's different approach, Joyce breaks down why learning agility depends on a secure sense of identity, not on always having the answer, and why "the expert trap" quietly limits leaders who treat their past experience as gospel rather than data. She closes with a direct message to leaders stepping into new roles this August and a concrete practice for listening to someone with less experience without comparison or defense.

Key Topics: Growth mindset, learning agility, humility, the beginner's mind, the expert trap, new leader onboarding

Key Words:

• beginner's mind leadership
• learning agility for leaders
• growth mindset in leadership
• how to be a new leader
• leadership humility
• new school leader mindset
• the expert trap
• first year assistant principal
• back to school leadership motivation

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!

Get in The Unspoken Mindset™ Circle before enrollment closes: https://joyceconleyhemmings.kit.com/products/themindsetcircle
💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

New leaders are told to build an environment where staff feel safe taking risks, asking questions, and being honest — while privately terrified of making a mistake themselves. Nobody talks about how hard it is to create safety for others before you feel safe yourself. In this episode, Joyce Conley-Hemmings shares the moment her own performed confidence backfired with a leadership team she hadn't built — and how one public mistake, handled honestly instead of smoothed over, changed the room. Drawing on Amy Edmondson's research on psychological safety as the top predictor of team performance, Joyce breaks down what it actually takes to build safety from a still-grounding position, not a fully-arrived one.

What's covered:

• Why performed confidence reads as defensiveness — and why staff mirror it back
• The research behind psychological safety as the strongest predictor of team performance, not talent or resources
• Three practices for building safety as the leader: modeling fallibility, responding to honesty with gratitude before correction, and staying consistent
• Why one bad reaction to honesty can undo months of trust
• A practical exercise: asking a real, unscripted question in your next team meeting — and specific guidance on how to ask it, listen without steering, and follow through visibly within a week

Keywords: psychological safety, team culture, trust in leadership, vulnerability in leadership, Amy Edmondson, new assistant principal, school leadership, UMLA, Unspoken Mindset Circle, groundedness in leadership

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!

Get in The Unspoken Mindset™ Circle before enrollment closes on August 21st: https://joyceconleyhemmings.kit.com/products/themindsetcircle
💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

The promotion from classroom teacher to school leader is sold as a gain — more influence, more title, more reach. Nobody tells you it's an identity loss first. In this episode, Joyce breaks down the invisible mental rewiring that happens when your value stops being visible (student results, relationships, a great lesson) and becomes invisible (a culture that runs well, problems solved before they escalate, staff who feel supported). She shares her own transition from AP-seat overwhelm to understanding that leadership isn't about being the best person in the building — it's about making everyone else better. Recorded two weeks before the school year starts, this one's for every first-year leader walking in with a new title and an old set of instincts.

• The leadership transition is an identity loss before it's an identity gain — the disorientation new leaders feel isn't weakness, it's a sign the transition is real.
• In the classroom, value is visible (data, relationships, results). In leadership, value is often invisible — a healthy culture, problems solved before they escalate. Learn to be effective without needing it to be seen.
• The core shift is from "I" to "we" — from being the expert who solves problems to being the person who builds other people's capacity to solve them.
• Grief is part of this transition. Naming that you miss being the expert doesn't mean you regret the move — skipping that grief just means carrying it quietly into how you lead.
• Unaddressed, this transition produces one of two failure modes: the micromanager who regresses to teacher behaviors, or the distant administrator who overcorrects and loses relational trust.
• Practical step: identify one problem you're solving that someone on your team should be solving instead — hand it off, let them work through it imperfectly, then debrief.

teacher to leader transition, new school leader, identity transition in leadership, educational leadership, assistant principal mindset, first-year school leader, leadership identity shift, letting go of control, leading through others, school leadership coaching, instructional leadership, new administrator mindset, district leadership pipeline, ego in leadership, leadership grief, distributed leadership, teacher leader mindset, back to school leadership, UMLA, The Unspoken Mindset

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!

Get on the waitlist for the Fall Unspoken Mindset Circle: https://joyceconleyhemmings.kit.com/d19a341efa
💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

Looking for a district pipeline program to support your new leaders?

www.theunspokenmindset.com/umla

Authentic leadership is everywhere in leadership content right now — be yourself, bring your whole self to work. But almost nobody talks about what happens when who you actually are doesn't fit the culture you're actually in. When your directness is "too much" for the building. When you've learned to soften, code-switch, or over-prepare just to be extended the same benefit of the doubt others get by default. In this episode, Joyce Conley-Hemmings draws on her own experience navigating that tension to offer something most authenticity advice skips: a real framework for telling the difference between strategic adaptation and self-abandonment — and a plan for protecting your non-negotiables before the pressure to be someone else gets loud.

What's covered:

• Why "just be authentic" advice breaks down inside cultures that don't make room for who you are
• The three non-negotiables of authentic leadership — values, judgment, and voice — versus what's actually adaptive (style, delivery, communication strategy)
• How to tell strategic adaptation apart from self-abandonment before it costs you your sense of self
• The "identity anchoring" practice from the Unspoken Mindset Leadership Academy for getting grounded before pressure hits
• A practical exercise: naming your non-negotiables and protecting one, deliberately, this week

Keywords: authentic leadership, leading with authenticity, organizational culture, code-switching in leadership, self-abandonment vs adaptation, identity anchoring, school leadership, assistant principal mindset, UMLA, The Unspoken Mindset

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!
💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/

Looking for a district pipeline program to support your new leaders?

www.theunspokenmindset.com/umla

Episode 7 | The Moment Everything Changed

Six months pregnant. Feet swollen. No access to the platform she needed. Waiting on a ride. And then — a text from her principal: Administrators do not leave in the middle of a crisis. That was Joyce's moment. Not a dramatic public failure. Not a visible breakdown. Just one message that landed in exactly the soft spot she hadn't been protecting — herself. In this episode, Joyce gets honest about the pivotal mindset moment that quietly redirected everything, and makes the case that the experiences most likely to develop you as a leader are the ones you've been trained to push past.

What's covered in this episode:

• Why pivotal leadership moments almost never look the way we expect
• The difference between executing a role and actually leading from within it
• How vulnerability functions as a prerequisite for growth — not a liability
• Why we walk past the exact experiences built to develop us
• What it means when your why changes — and what has to change with it
• The reflection checkpoint practice Joyce built into the UMLA because nobody built it for her
• How to go back to a moment you moved past too quickly and let it finish its work

Keywords: school leadership mindset, assistant principal burnout, leadership pivotal moments, new leader development, educational leadership podcast, leadership identity, self-awareness in leadership, school administrator growth, principal support, UMLA, unspoken mindset

📖 The Unspoken Mindset: What No One Tells You About School Leadership — available on Amazon  https://a.co/d/026ENlpo
Head to 🌐 theunspokenmindset.com for resources and ways to work with me!
💬 Join the Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DGUebJYmW/

Let's Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycehemmings/