Transcript:

This is the smash system podcast, I’m Nino Prodan. And welcome back. Yesterday I was kind of telling you about how life through my parents and through school programmed me to start keeping myself busy. And it seemed like that was a common denominator in all of society. Everything was geared towards keeping you busy keeping you occupied, keeping you thinking, worrying. worrying that you’re not good enough for worrying that something isn’t going to get done. worrying that you’re wasting your time. You only live once you only have so much time on this planet. Make the most of it. Don’t waste a minute. You’re wasting time. These are things I always heard heard all the time. The constant ringing in my ears of wasting my resources, created a sense of worry and me as a kid. I was worried that I wasn’t enough. I was worried that I wasn’t doing enough. I was worried that I wasn’t smart enough. I wasn’t getting straight A’s, so I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t keeping myself busy enough. So I wasn’t worth enough. And it created a conflict within me because my life before there was I was carefree. I didn’t think about being enough or knowing enough or being good enough. I just was, I was happy I was unstressed. But now that I wasn’t keeping up with the constant dizziness, I was shown quantitatively that I wasn’t good enough. My Grades weren’t good enough. I was only average. Yes, you can test and have A’s and everything. But if you don’t keep yourself busy, you will get C’s. Doesn’t matter about whether or not you know things. It matters how much you busy yourself. So keep yourself busy. Otherwise you’re not worth anything. You can be an A plus mind, but have C minus grades. Because you’re not busy, so I worried about letting my parents down. I worried about my father kicking my ass. And I got pissed. I got angry, because I had this conflict of what I was told. life should be and what life was telling me life should be what society was telling me. You know, there’s the Ant and the Grasshopper, the tortoise and the hare. Don’t stop working. keep busy, stay busy. Don’t take breaks. Don’t take care of yourself. Just keep preparing for a future that may never be like ants scurrying around, moving faster and faster. stay busy be. Don’t let me down. And this is the place I stayed but I became angrier and angrier. I didn’t understand where my anger came from. I thought it was me. I thought that anger is who I was. So I started suppressing the anger. And as I became an adult, that pressure weighed on me and gave me a burden to put a cost on my health, but I didn’t think about it. I didn’t think twice. I stayed busy. Because that’s where I needed to be, according to society. keep yourself busy. Keep moving. Don’t pay attention. Don’t look here. Keep your head down, and just push on through. That’s your life. Don’t look up. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.