The Work-From-Home Menace

"A vertical nation has torque; a horizontal nation has sourdough."

Suit up, Nation! The sweatpants-wearing Marxists are trying to dismantle the American economy from their living rooms, and I won't stand for it! The so-called "work from home" movement is a coordinated insurgency to destroy the sacred institution of the water cooler and atrophy our patriotic commuting muscles! And here to agree with me is 1880s Industrial Tycoon, Ebenezer Smog, who knows that a worker out of the foreman's sight is a worker plotting treason!