We analyze the train wreck that was COP30 and predict the train wreck that will be COP31. At COP30 the toilets didn't work, the venue flooded before it caught on fire, and nothing of substance was agreed. For COP31, they couldn't even agree on where it would take place. These are the United Nations-sponsored conferences that are supposed to be the main forum for addressing climate change. So what do we do when there is no global cooperation among governments for addressing climate change?