January 15, 2024

Thinking over the Solstice poem

30 minutes

unless you are a super fan, of which I don’t have any- I don’t think.

The way life has been working for me lately does not permit generation. I try to remind myself that this is typical, when I get enough energy to do something like thinking. Anyway I recorded this a while ago and why not just make it available? I think I’m going to do more spoken things with transcripts because the generated transcripts have some insight into formatting that eludes me and I think its fantastic. I’m aware that this more or less puts me in the category of podcaster but I’m trying not to think of it that way and for my sake I encourage you not to either.

Eventually we will all die, even thankfully warmongers and youtubers. I cannot let podcast white men take from me this singular pleasure of pretend lecturing, anyway you don’t have to listen so who gives a shit.

Here are the read poems, to follow along or compare+contrast or something:

SOLSTICE

Not much man- just

what little daylight

today being what it is- naturally, sun sits

low I know all about it low

sometimes myself; anyhow

healthier I might involve myself in the night

being what it is but look here little Oliver not so

The thing just right is a variation of

Rob Roy named after Rob Roy named after

a variation of Rob Roy (someone)

and all that is true, too the

right thing rights me as it does

I could be healthier, I know

BAR INTERIOR-DAYTIME-A MAN

who is meant to be me, I say

but its really a matter of perspective a man

masticating the figurative now, and

how does he look to you? blue striped jacket over

cream ex-girlfriend blouse you might imagine

a handsomer man hearing it but he’s okay looks

like he’s been working out since the breakup

drinking and writing now which is too much;

mercifully its early and no one is bothering him or

even looking that’s merciful, I say

but its really a matter of perspective I am

learning once now that all things their virtue

a child furry howls and is humped and the

fat drunk fifty some-odd who yell-talks

is still night-comforted I couldn’t Imagine

yet, its so yet, I am so different, yet, there is one for all

the great metric tossed aside in perspective of all things I

am not so different than them, this character I mean

writing at a bar modest-

tall and I heard he’s been working out don’t

make a thing about it though insufferable

enough as he is, no, and anyway

he sits at the bar with a Rob Roy Ripoff a Rob

Roy proper sans McGregor (and this is true,

clever, you can google it) does

something what little daylight

he’d better I mean, today

being, Scott has a play out meant

to be good seems bigger than me-

he cannot do that seaboard

bound the timezones and all

would that he could what

a way to spend the evening after all

there is a long one ahead of us today

one must suppose its a good time

for reflection, terrible turn inward,

life grows hereon, I promise though

it won’t feel like it I promise that too when

you look back none of us will be here captive

as we are to times merciful progression my friend

needs to hear that more than anyone right now and did indeed just

this morning which feels like something today being what it is and all

its so easy for us to forget about the small moments

like times progression and serendipity so easy and of course

when we look back they’re never there so doubly so-

CAFE-INTERIOR-MORNING

two friends accident into each other and

sit down for coffee; the bigger one, who

is also younger says; not looking

forward to christmas man, my parents house and she

is already there, well new york, not there

but still she’s there, what is? it’s gonna end.

what? she and I its gonna end, well

but she’s already at my house with my parents

I can’t do it for christmas still

I know now its eating me up

out loud, that’s the tough part once you

out loud the thought you’re accountable

you won’t break up for years once you say it

then its inevitable funny how things change

its eating me up man how can I

she’s already there go through christmas I

think its gonna be tough and so it is.

god none of this is important we are young

we must break up there is so much life left.

what is important is nothing kindness

maybe not much else I am upset to be alive upset

that ex-girlfriend upset that house upset even

that family, I have nothing but this you see.

I could watch it come and go and feel nothing, everything

else I mean there’s just this and still I work for money

and still beyond that I stress and need and that shit kills

me there’s nothing but this in my head and all it gives I cannot

be peaceful making money changing a bathroom people are dying

of overdose I cannot sit in an office I will die

myself eventually and all that i’d like to do

in my time is this do you follow me is it

simple it feels impossible

LIFE-INTERIOR-WITHOUT DISTINCTION

I am either having a breakthrough or drank too much

Robert Roy Jr. at the bar I feel strongly there is something

to this to any insight which is more or less the point

I am so tired of the dates I am exhausted by the house, by the car

by especially the children I want only to hot bath think myself

beyond these parameters i want to exceed life-life as-

I'm saying what I’ve deigned

as life I know its all confusion and we’re all reflective

after all its only appropriate today

being what it is but what is

that larger point of all that besides that I cannot get happy

in my little world I must, simply must expand I could

horseback english countryside I could drink

gallons in neighborhood bad bar could fold laundry stockholm

none of it has any bearing just to do this horrible unnamed thing is all.

BAR-INTERIOR-MAN ALONE

so all that but he still has to do it, break up and there’s

obviously merciful time to worry about, the earlier part of it,

the wrinkling that precedes its smooth very smooth nature

what a trip, I’m not cold I am sympathetic, obviously what

with the breakup enduring what with the move and the nothing

life nothing for either that follows or that comparative thinking

who has more nothing things like that I do, of course, empathize

poor guy, I do, and am meant to send a book, one

that I needed, Emma too, (remember Emma?) (she’s the ex after all),

and she needed it as much as me, something, universal in writing

not that I would know, not directly anyhow, although-

he said “lost something” and Cordova also

“nothing that couldn’t be found” he

says things like that a lot though, adages

not quite actually something big and abstract

I never have the energy to find out how

he means it so much when he gets like that

nothing and everything the man

loves his little boxes. that’s something

in his nature that works out

what with

with writing and the self-growth

philosophical state what with a formulaic need

none of this indictment either he is beautiful

stronger than me, probably 15 pounds

knew theo back when this is nashville I'm talking

more black people more white people too though

Theo wouldn’t get that but Cordova would, just

different people and some compulsion

to document “Lost something in the relationship”

“lost especially my sense of self” what/

do you do with that? self and other, I

think Cordova will get there too just wait,

Theo probably not he never goes too far

away, its a virtue I promise- I always

said that only one thing mattered, that

is seeing yourself through, never said

it that way though, still, its what

I meant anytime i said anything else I’m over-

explaining its meant to be art but again

not at the moment, at the moment

finding what was lost with me, myself

I reckon its something like it anyway

reckoning too with the things i don’t want

things to stay lost that is things about

ungrowth or regression so Cordova has a point

I hope so it’d better be true otherwise

we’re fucked he and I and his ex and my ex

and some large number of other people

who all seem to be losing lately, lost

things interspersed with finding them

not as much as you’d like though, not

evidence enough but someone has to

believe in something at some point anyway

my mom in human decency and my brother too

libertarian i wouldn’t recommend that

sort of delusion, humans did all that evil

all the evil ever done we did and that’s a lot

there was mustard gas, slave markets, rape

rape eternally and I’m meant to believe in

a self-managing market? remember torture?

its still going on man so fuck we gotta

try on a different kind of belief one without

so much antithetical evidence like how if

you work hard maybe you can find inner peace

and not work hard brother libertarian way which

defaults suffering into moral failure- how heartless

but work like keep at it look around as often

and you get a chance try and see the grey skies

you used to all magical a moody bit of romance

try to tell someone you love them at least once a day

and always mean it, things like that, a belief

in labor and correction, the only labor

that matters, another belief, my friend Cordova

got deep in it we used to talk all the time

and now somehow we lost it; I'm sure

he's optimistic nothing anyway

that can't be found - should have said

I love you maybe I will today.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit boliverb.substack.com

...more

View all episodes

By with Oliver Burell

January 15, 2024

Thinking over the Solstice poem

30 minutes

unless you are a super fan, of which I don’t have any- I don’t think.

Here are the read poems, to follow along or compare+contrast or something:

SOLSTICE

Not much man- just

what little daylight

today being what it is- naturally, sun sits

low I know all about it low

sometimes myself; anyhow

healthier I might involve myself in the night

being what it is but look here little Oliver not so

The thing just right is a variation of

Rob Roy named after Rob Roy named after

a variation of Rob Roy (someone)

and all that is true, too the

right thing rights me as it does

I could be healthier, I know

BAR INTERIOR-DAYTIME-A MAN

who is meant to be me, I say

but its really a matter of perspective a man

masticating the figurative now, and

how does he look to you? blue striped jacket over

cream ex-girlfriend blouse you might imagine

a handsomer man hearing it but he’s okay looks

like he’s been working out since the breakup

drinking and writing now which is too much;

mercifully its early and no one is bothering him or

even looking that’s merciful, I say

but its really a matter of perspective I am

learning once now that all things their virtue

a child furry howls and is humped and the

fat drunk fifty some-odd who yell-talks

is still night-comforted I couldn’t Imagine

yet, its so yet, I am so different, yet, there is one for all

the great metric tossed aside in perspective of all things I

am not so different than them, this character I mean

writing at a bar modest-

tall and I heard he’s been working out don’t

make a thing about it though insufferable

enough as he is, no, and anyway

he sits at the bar with a Rob Roy Ripoff a Rob

Roy proper sans McGregor (and this is true,

clever, you can google it) does

something what little daylight

he’d better I mean, today

being, Scott has a play out meant

to be good seems bigger than me-

he cannot do that seaboard

bound the timezones and all

would that he could what

a way to spend the evening after all

there is a long one ahead of us today

one must suppose its a good time

for reflection, terrible turn inward,

life grows hereon, I promise though

it won’t feel like it I promise that too when

you look back none of us will be here captive

as we are to times merciful progression my friend

needs to hear that more than anyone right now and did indeed just

this morning which feels like something today being what it is and all

its so easy for us to forget about the small moments

like times progression and serendipity so easy and of course

when we look back they’re never there so doubly so-

CAFE-INTERIOR-MORNING

two friends accident into each other and

sit down for coffee; the bigger one, who

is also younger says; not looking

forward to christmas man, my parents house and she

is already there, well new york, not there

but still she’s there, what is? it’s gonna end.

what? she and I its gonna end, well

but she’s already at my house with my parents

I can’t do it for christmas still

I know now its eating me up

out loud, that’s the tough part once you

out loud the thought you’re accountable

you won’t break up for years once you say it

then its inevitable funny how things change

its eating me up man how can I

she’s already there go through christmas I

think its gonna be tough and so it is.

god none of this is important we are young

we must break up there is so much life left.

what is important is nothing kindness

maybe not much else I am upset to be alive upset

that ex-girlfriend upset that house upset even

that family, I have nothing but this you see.

I could watch it come and go and feel nothing, everything

else I mean there’s just this and still I work for money

and still beyond that I stress and need and that shit kills

me there’s nothing but this in my head and all it gives I cannot

be peaceful making money changing a bathroom people are dying

of overdose I cannot sit in an office I will die

myself eventually and all that i’d like to do

in my time is this do you follow me is it

simple it feels impossible

LIFE-INTERIOR-WITHOUT DISTINCTION

I am either having a breakthrough or drank too much

Robert Roy Jr. at the bar I feel strongly there is something

to this to any insight which is more or less the point

I am so tired of the dates I am exhausted by the house, by the car

by especially the children I want only to hot bath think myself

beyond these parameters i want to exceed life-life as-

I'm saying what I’ve deigned

as life I know its all confusion and we’re all reflective

after all its only appropriate today

being what it is but what is

that larger point of all that besides that I cannot get happy

in my little world I must, simply must expand I could

horseback english countryside I could drink

gallons in neighborhood bad bar could fold laundry stockholm

none of it has any bearing just to do this horrible unnamed thing is all.

BAR-INTERIOR-MAN ALONE

so all that but he still has to do it, break up and there’s

obviously merciful time to worry about, the earlier part of it,

the wrinkling that precedes its smooth very smooth nature

what a trip, I’m not cold I am sympathetic, obviously what

with the breakup enduring what with the move and the nothing

life nothing for either that follows or that comparative thinking

who has more nothing things like that I do, of course, empathize

poor guy, I do, and am meant to send a book, one

that I needed, Emma too, (remember Emma?) (she’s the ex after all),

and she needed it as much as me, something, universal in writing

not that I would know, not directly anyhow, although-

he said “lost something” and Cordova also

“nothing that couldn’t be found” he

says things like that a lot though, adages

not quite actually something big and abstract

I never have the energy to find out how

he means it so much when he gets like that

nothing and everything the man

loves his little boxes. that’s something

in his nature that works out

what with

with writing and the self-growth

philosophical state what with a formulaic need

none of this indictment either he is beautiful

stronger than me, probably 15 pounds

knew theo back when this is nashville I'm talking

more black people more white people too though

Theo wouldn’t get that but Cordova would, just

different people and some compulsion

to document “Lost something in the relationship”

“lost especially my sense of self” what/

do you do with that? self and other, I

think Cordova will get there too just wait,

Theo probably not he never goes too far

away, its a virtue I promise- I always

said that only one thing mattered, that

is seeing yourself through, never said

it that way though, still, its what

I meant anytime i said anything else I’m over-

explaining its meant to be art but again

not at the moment, at the moment

finding what was lost with me, myself

I reckon its something like it anyway

reckoning too with the things i don’t want

things to stay lost that is things about

ungrowth or regression so Cordova has a point

I hope so it’d better be true otherwise

we’re fucked he and I and his ex and my ex

and some large number of other people

who all seem to be losing lately, lost

things interspersed with finding them

not as much as you’d like though, not

evidence enough but someone has to

believe in something at some point anyway

my mom in human decency and my brother too

libertarian i wouldn’t recommend that

sort of delusion, humans did all that evil

all the evil ever done we did and that’s a lot

there was mustard gas, slave markets, rape

rape eternally and I’m meant to believe in

a self-managing market? remember torture?

its still going on man so fuck we gotta

try on a different kind of belief one without

so much antithetical evidence like how if

you work hard maybe you can find inner peace

and not work hard brother libertarian way which

defaults suffering into moral failure- how heartless

but work like keep at it look around as often

and you get a chance try and see the grey skies

you used to all magical a moody bit of romance

try to tell someone you love them at least once a day

and always mean it, things like that, a belief

in labor and correction, the only labor

that matters, another belief, my friend Cordova

got deep in it we used to talk all the time

and now somehow we lost it; I'm sure

he's optimistic nothing anyway

that can't be found - should have said

I love you maybe I will today.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit boliverb.substack.com

...more

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Thinking over the Solstice poem

Thinking over the Solstice poem