It’s a Tuesday morning and Austin’s covering it all: bribing his kid with $3 that won’t even buy Tic Tacs anymore, breaking down the internet’s meltdown over Taylor Swift’s latest album being accused of everything from white supremacy to eugenics, Whoopi Goldberg suggesting people “tan until you look Mexican,” a forklift driver who won the lottery and nearly partied himself into the grave, and the rise of “silver snorters”—elderly folks hitting cocaine like it’s spring break in Boca Raton.

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