Most families send out a holiday card.

Mine hired a Santa, booked a Midtown office, and staged a six-hour shoot with 50 outfit changes, a lighting grid, and one very exhausted teenager (hi, me).

This episode, I unpack the year my dad brought Christmas to Manhattan in October — with fake snow, a mildly drunk Santa, and enough emotional damage to last until New Year’s.

Because when you’re raised right… but not straight… even Christmas comes with a production budget.