To All the Men I’ve Swiped Before

🎭 Handwritten letters. 💌 Daily calls. 📱 Balcony kisses. 💋 Broadway had leading-man energy—and even got me out of my pajamas for a date. Y’all, that’s serious. 😂

Then a cancer diagnosis made his comfort mean even more. 🎗️❤️ Until one confession changed the meaning of every scene. 😳💔

The story behind Malignant takes center stage—with hard-earned Sweet Tea Lessons 🧋 and a warning: before you accept a starring role, check the cast list. 👀🎭

He read my profile. Made actual plans. Then the waitress checked his ID. 😳

Meet Zygote: a younger Air Force officer whose real estate side hustle turned house hunting into a contact sport. Excellent curb appeal—but different blueprints for the future.

Y’all, this Dating Pokédex entry is Hot Property. Proceed with interest. 🔑🔥

Great banter. A sports cameraman. A promised sideline pass to Georgia vs. Tennessee. Y’all, I thought this long-distance gamble had excellent odds—until a last-minute switch sent me into the mountains and his bathroom sent me searching for an earlier flight. 🏈✈️🎲

From an illegal suitcase formation to a shower worthy of its own Poison-type classification, this away game delivers some costly Sweet Tea Lessons.

Check the odds… and the grout. 🧼

A couples massage. A week in Maui. Not so much as a kiss. Even the massage therapists thought we were together—so why was I still guessing? Meet Mr. Aloha, the coworker whose tropical invitation sent my romantic radar into overdrive. Between sunsets, separate bedrooms, and three Mai Tais’ worth of courage, I finally asked the question I should’ve asked before boarding the plane. Paradise included. Romantic intent sold separately.

He claimed Mario Lopez hated his guts. By 3:45 a.m., I was starting to understand the sentiment.

Meet Wreck-It Ralph: gorgeous blue eyes, sitcom-worthy stories, and a disappearing act that ends with an uninvited appearance at my apartment door. His best friend lived across the street. So why was he knocking on mine? Y’all, grace does not put you on standby.

He was gorgeous, charming, professional, and somehow even better-looking the second time around.

Then came a Fourth of July pool date, a little weed, some sushi, and one spectacularly bad decision.

Meet Grass-N-Ass, a Dating Pokédex entry featuring Cannabis Chaos, Biscuit Bite, Sushi Seduction, and the bizarre date that helped inspire this entire podcast. 🌿🍣💥

Great chemistry. Great first date. Turtle races.

What could possibly go wrong?

Meet Mr. Shellshock, a charming new Dating Pokédex entry whose second date comes with a plot twist SwipedOut absolutely did not see coming. 🐢💥

Muscles? Impressive. Kisses? Dangerous. Full disclosure? Apparently optional. Muscle Cub is what happens when attraction shows up fully loaded and the facts arrive on a delay. 💪🫖

Fourteen years. Five-star chemistry. Countless respawns. Mr. Déjà Screw keeps changing form, but somehow never quite leaves the Pokédex. Add Clemson football, lucky underwear, and one very guilty mind, and... well. Go Tigers. 🐅💜

Boyfriend Material had the green flags, the thoughtful gestures, and all the makings of something real. There was just one problem: I didn’t love him. Sometimes a good man still isn’t your man... and sometimes he figures things out about five months too late.