To All the Men I’ve Swiped Before

A couples massage. A week in Maui. Not so much as a kiss. Even the massage therapists thought we were together—so why was I still guessing? Meet Mr. Aloha, the coworker whose tropical invitation sent my romantic radar into overdrive. Between sunsets, separate bedrooms, and three Mai Tais’ worth of courage, I finally asked the question I should’ve asked before boarding the plane. Paradise included. Romantic intent sold separately.

He claimed Mario Lopez hated his guts. By 3:45 a.m., I was starting to understand the sentiment.

Meet Wreck-It Ralph: gorgeous blue eyes, sitcom-worthy stories, and a disappearing act that ends with an uninvited appearance at my apartment door. His best friend lived across the street. So why was he knocking on mine? Y’all, grace does not put you on standby.

He was gorgeous, charming, professional, and somehow even better-looking the second time around.

Then came a Fourth of July pool date, a little weed, some sushi, and one spectacularly bad decision.

Meet Grass-N-Ass, a Dating Pokédex entry featuring Cannabis Chaos, Biscuit Bite, Sushi Seduction, and the bizarre date that helped inspire this entire podcast. 🌿🍣💥

Great chemistry. Great first date. Turtle races.

What could possibly go wrong?

Meet Mr. Shellshock, a charming new Dating Pokédex entry whose second date comes with a plot twist SwipedOut absolutely did not see coming. 🐢💥

Muscles? Impressive. Kisses? Dangerous. Full disclosure? Apparently optional. Muscle Cub is what happens when attraction shows up fully loaded and the facts arrive on a delay. 💪🫖

Fourteen years. Five-star chemistry. Countless respawns. Mr. Déjà Screw keeps changing form, but somehow never quite leaves the Pokédex. Add Clemson football, lucky underwear, and one very guilty mind, and... well. Go Tigers. 🐅💜

Boyfriend Material had the green flags, the thoughtful gestures, and all the makings of something real. There was just one problem: I didn’t love him. Sometimes a good man still isn’t your man... and sometimes he figures things out about five months too late.

A mysterious headless profile. Weeks of promising conversation. A perfectly respectable brunch date in Austin.

Then came the special delivery.

When Mr. Dick in a Box turns a charming first date into an unsolicited upstairs invitation, SwipedOut learns that no amount of texting, vetting, or attractive torso can prepare you for what some men are hiding just outside the frame. It’s a tale of wine, wrapped packages, and one very swift return to sender.

Double Trouble is what happens when the green flags are real... but chaos takes over. 🚔😂

One unforgettable date somehow involves police, confusion, terrible timing, and a man who seems to attract mayhem like it's a superpower. The verdict? Great guy. Catastrophic luck. Join SwipedOut as she decides whether chemistry can survive a human tornado.

In this episode, SwipedOut investigates the Friend of a Friend: fully vetted, genuinely promising, and gone before enough evidence could be collected. Was it bad timing, bad luck, or just another unsolved case for the Dating Pokedex?