This week on Tongue First, Siren and Wendy welcome Dalyss Saari — artist, mother, and American expat currently living in Birmingham, England, six months into a life she built almost entirely on her own terms.

Dalyss opens up about growing up as one of twelve kids and never quite getting the attention she needed, a father whose abuse led to a restraining order when she was just fifteen, and a mother whose narcissism made the whole thing feel like a non-issue for years. She talks about finding her voice through art instead — first as a tattoo artist starting at nineteen, and now through a stunning, ongoing series of paintings that turns insecurities, fruit, flowers, and the female body into something worth worshipping instead of hiding.

The conversation moves through her decade-long marriage to a man while identifying as very much not straight, what ethical non-monogamy looks like for her, and the surprisingly clarifying experience of her husband temporarily moving back to the US for work while she stays behind with their kids, finding a version of her own voice she didn't know she needed space for.

They also get into Southern Baptist religious trauma, a horrifying "are you two lesbians?" moment shouted across a lake when she was fourteen, and how she left the church entirely to build something more expansive — witchy, curious, and entirely her own.

If you've ever had to leave something familiar to finally feel free, needed proof that art can hold trauma and joy at the same time, or just wanted to hear someone reclaim their power in real time — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Find Dalyss's art on Instagram at @a.muse.ing_universe.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

This week on Tongue First, Siren finally gets to interview the woman at the center of so many of this show's stories — Wendy's wife, Jessica Reeves.

Jess opens up about a childhood marked by abuse that started at age three and was met with silence from nearly everyone who should have protected her — until she finally reported her grandfather in her thirties and was disowned by much of her family for it. She talks about a first marriage built on coercive control, meeting Wendy while both of them were married to other people, and the "before Wendy" era they've since nicknamed the Dingle Hopper phase.

The conversation doesn't shy away from the hard parts either. Jess speaks honestly about the period she pulled away from Wendy entirely — the ghosting, the silence, the aftermath of an aneurysm that made shutting down feel like the only option — and what it actually looked like when Wendy handed her a notebook and a pen and asked her to write down why she wanted to stay.

Siren asks Jess directly what she understands now that she didn't before, what she's most afraid of, and how it feels knowing parts of this community have been skeptical of her. Jess answers all of it without flinching, and Wendy delivers one of the most direct, protective statements this show has ever aired about what she needs from the people in her life going forward.

If you've ever had to choose yourself after a lifetime of putting everyone else first, needed proof that real accountability sounds different than an excuse, or just wanted to finally meet the woman behind so many of Wendy's stories — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, Wendy flips the format and sit down to interview Bo-Dara and Squeezy — the two women you've heard reading intros, outros, and ad reads for months, and the two people who make up the rest of Siren's throuple.

Squeezy takes us back to 2013, to a panic attack in the corner of a restaurant during the Kentucky Derby that led to a handwritten letter to her parents, a curfew, and an invasive evaluation at Johns Hopkins that neither she nor her parents were prepared for. What follows is a story about a family's slow, complete transformation — from imposed restrictions to a mother who found her the right therapist and a father who told his own parents, "this is happening, you got to deal with it."

Bo-Dara shares her own story — leaving the church in her late teens, years spent quietly knowing she wasn't only attracted to men, a marriage that had gone quiet long before it ended, and the TikTok live that changed everything. She and Siren and Wendy walk through New Orleans in vivid detail — the night everything shifted, the tears in a parking lot in Ohio, and the decision, not the accident, to build a life together.

They also get into what's actually hard about being three people in a relationship instead of two, what's surprisingly easy, and the ongoing reality of Bo-Dara not yet being out to her own family — including the elaborate, mostly true cover story her mother currently believes.

If you've ever wondered what it actually takes to choose a life that looks nothing like the one you were living, or wanted to hear directly from the two voices behind so many of this show's credits — this one is for you.

Also — this episode includes a shoutout to Only Crits Dice, our affiliate partner for anyone who games. Use code TONGUEFIRST for 15% off at onlycrits.com.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, it's just Siren and Wendy — and Wendy has news. She and Jess got married. On a Tuesday. Less than 72 hours before this recording.

Wendy opens up about what made this moment feel different from every relationship before it — real accountability, real reassurance, and the kind of showing up that finally let her stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. She talks honestly about who knew, who didn't, the mixed reactions from friends and family, and what she's still working through even in the middle of something this joyful.

From there, the episode shifts into a history lesson neither host expected to need: the fight for marriage equality in the United States. Baker v. Nelson. The Defense of Marriage Act. Edith Windsor and the tax bill that changed everything. Massachusetts becoming the first state to legalize same-sex marriage. And Obergefell v. Hodges — the ruling that made Wendy's first wedding, and now this one, legally possible, just ten years ago.

The conversation doesn't stay in the past. Siren and Wendy talk about what's happening right now — and read the story of Autumn Hill, a trans activist recently sentenced to 50 years in federal prison following a protest. It's a heavy turn, and they sit with it honestly before closing the episode with a reminder to vote and to show up for each other.

A heads up: this episode includes detailed discussion of a federal raid, imprisonment, and violence against a trans activist. Please take care of yourself while listening.

If you've ever needed reassurance that real love looks different than what hurt you before, or needed to be reminded that the rights you have were fought for and can still be taken away — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

Check out Only Crits at OnlyCrits.com

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, Siren and Wendy welcome Mitch Grzegorek — Siren's friend of nearly twenty years, met through Xbox Live back in the Halo days, and officially the first straight man to ever guest on this podcast.

Mitch and Siren's friendship started as usernames and headsets — Cows of Chaos and whatever Siren was going by at the time — and grew into something much deeper through years of Dungeons and Dragons campaigns together. Mitch was there when Siren came out as trans mid-campaign, and he brings a genuinely moving perspective on what that moment looked like from the outside, how his understanding of Siren has evolved, and why D&D turned out to be the perfect place for all of it to unfold.

They also get into Mitch's completely accidental first Pride — a pregnant wife, a pho craving, and a subway ride that dropped him directly into the middle of a parade he had no idea was happening — plus D&D as a space for queer identity experimentation, character creation as self discovery, and what it means to actually show up as an ally instead of just claiming the label.

Also: Trader Joe's discourse, an accidental video mishap, Sega generational humor, and Wendy considering rolling up her very first male character.

If you've ever wondered what real, unwavering friendship looks like from a straight guy who just gets it, or needed a reminder that showing up consistently matters more than saying the right things — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, Siren is joined by two guests: Valisara — Siren's right hand and the person behind the scenes making this whole thing run — stepping into the co-host chair while Wendy recovers from being sick, and Lisa Smith, a licensed therapist who specializes in EMDR and works closely with queer and neurodivergent clients.

This episode gets real fast. Val opens up about experiencing molestation at age five and the barriers she faced getting access to mental health care as a kid of two moms during the DOMA era — a heads up that this conversation includes discussion of child sexual abuse.

From there, Lisa breaks down what EMDR actually is, the accidental discovery that led to it, and why bilateral stimulation works the way it does. They get into what makes a therapist safe for queer clients, the red and green flags to watch for, and why therapy myths from movies like Good Will Hunting don't hold up. Lisa also opens up about her own surprising journey — from jiu jitsu and Muay Thai to becoming an adult beginner ballerina now dancing on pointe.

Also: rear naked chokes demonstrated live, a 911 call via Apple Watch, redheads, and the kind of ice cream order that says a lot about a person.

If you've ever wondered what actually makes therapy work, needed a nudge to try the hard unfamiliar thing, or just wanted an hour with two genuinely thoughtful people — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, Siren and Wendy welcome back Jo Del Carmen — our very first return guest, and currently the most listened to episode in the show's history. Jo circled the block on their own words to be here, and it turns out we all had more to say.

This episode opens with a big one: Wendy is back together with her ex-fiancée Jessica, and she walks through exactly what accountability, boundaries, and giving someone grace after repeated heartbreak actually looks like in real time — including a notebook exercise that might be the most direct thing we've ever put on this podcast.

Jo brings their own update — the end of a poly situationship, a recent autism diagnosis, and an honest, detailed conversation about new relationship energy, consensual non-consent, and what it actually means to find a valve release. Siren opens up about the current dynamic between her, Bo, and Squeezy, and what it's like to navigate a new relationship feeling easier than a longer one — and why that isn't necessarily a red flag.

They also dig into Jo's four B's — breakups, buddies, and the ongoing question of whether queer women and straight men can really just be friends — plus neurospicy brains, bedroom compatibility, boob chat boundaries, and a never-before-heard excerpt from Jo's upcoming book that had all three of us needing a minute.

If you've ever circled back to someone you swore you were done with, needed language for a relationship dynamic you couldn't quite name, or just wanted two hours of your favorite people being brutally honest with each other — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, Siren and Wendy welcome Geli Jimenez — Wendy's close friend, former supervisor, and someone who has lived through more than most people could carry, only to come out the other side kind, grounded, and genuinely at peace.

Geli grew up Hispanic and deeply Catholic, realized she was gay watching Practical Magic as a kid, and spent years trying so hard to be straight that she dated boys, got pregnant young, and lost that pregnancy to violence before she ever let herself have a first kiss with a woman. When she finally came out to her mom — in the frozen food aisle, on purpose, so she couldn't get hit — the response was a punch in the arm and, later that night, an ultimatum that ended with Geli walking out the door for good.

Together, Siren, Wendy, and Geli talk about estrangement and the seven years of peace that followed setting a boundary with her mother, losing God and finding a version of faith that actually holds her, getting an autism diagnosis in her thirties, and meeting the wife who finally made her believe in staying. They also get into breaking cycles as a parent, what it means to choose who you become in spite of the people who hurt you, and why letting go of what life was supposed to look like is usually the moment real life begins.

Also: hard drugs at fourteen, an accidental drug tutorial, Wendy and Geli's origin story as work friends turned family, and a prime rib dinner that was, by Geli's own admission, a little ungay of her.

If you've ever had to choose peace over a parent, find yourself outside of who you were raised to be, or needed proof that the other side of hard things can be this good — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, Siren and Wendy welcome Daisy Barton — trans woman, TikTok creator, full time Uber driver, and one of the most quietly resilient people this show has had the privilege of talking to.

Daisy knew she was a girl since she was five years old, growing up in a conservative Christian household where she was told God made her a boy and that was the end of the discussion. She spent decades in the closet — purging her clothes over and over, searching AOL chat rooms in the 90s just to know she wasn't alone, and eventually landing in an inpatient facility as a teenager. At 38, she posted on Facebook that she was a trans woman, hit send, and went to sleep. She's been building her life — and herself — in real time ever since.

Together, Siren, Wendy, and Daisy talk about CPTSD, the shadow work and self-soothing that got her through it, a therapist who told her to "just be a man and stop crying," finding community and getting the name Daisy from a Discord server, and what it actually took to go from a private, homebound person to someone hundreds of people watch live every day.

They also get into the emotional labor of being visible online, the trolls versus the people who genuinely see her, dating after transition — including one spectacularly bad ghosting story — and why her chopsticks have their very own pocket in a hand embroidered scarf.

If you've ever had to purge parts of yourself just to survive, needed proof that healing isn't linear, or just wanted to watch someone build a full and joyful life on the other side of hard things — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Find Daisy on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube under Lackadaisylady (concert recordings appear as DaisyBee on YouTube).

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

This week on Tongue First, it's just Siren and Wendy — boxed wine, sparkling water, chewed ice, and no guest. After ten episodes of incredible guests, this one is a deep exhale.

They pour a drink and debrief the last couple of weeks — the drama, the snakes in the grass, what emotional manipulation actually looks like, and why accountability is the whole ballgame. They say what needs to be said, and then they leave it exactly where it belongs: outside the club.

From there it gets cozy. Tattoo stories — including Wendy's first tattoo at thirteen from a homemade gun, the cover-up that reclaimed it, and the tattoo artist dream she chased at forty-two before letting it go. The great Tongue First tattoo debate: Wendy's rainbow fruit fly versus Siren's dainty tongue-and-microphone. A public service announcement about tattoo parties. And Buffy the Vampire Slayer finally getting gay.

Then the mailbag opens. Siren and Wendy read your comments and reviews from Apple Podcasts and Spotify — the funny ones, the sweet ones, and a few that got genuinely heavy. They talk about what it means to be called a soft place to land, confirm the masc lesbian uniform is real and documented, and remind a few of you that you are deeply, deeply loved.

Also: Songbird's wine recipe, ice chewing ASMR, redheads as a category, birthday beach cake plans, and a very close call with the dingle hopper streak.

If you've ever needed to protect your peace, or just wanted to sit with two friends and a glass of wine while they read nice things out loud — this one is for you.

Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

New episodes every Monday.

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.