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Too Much, Not Enough, but Still Valuable
This is Part 2 in the series Too Much, Not Enough, but Still Valuable.
Click here to read Part 1.
In my first post, I discussed the life of Peter and how I love his boldness: not cowering in fear but asking to walk on water; not merely looking in to the empty tomb, but rushing right inside. At times I feel like Peter, bold yet bumbling, passionate but prone to overstep, charging ahead when others would stand still.
And then, there are times that I relate more to Moses.
The beginning of Exodus moves quickly. Within 15 verses, Moses goes from being a baby in the bulrushes to a fleeing fugitive. He, like Peter, fumbled his call. Though not explicitly stated, we assume Moses knew early of God’s call upon him to deliver the children of Israel. Stephen recites how Moses “supposed his brethren would have understood how that God by his hand would deliver them: but they understood not.” (Acts 7:25)
Moses failed because he was running ahead of God, trying to deliver his brethren by killing an Egyptian—aiming for the right purpose but in the wrong way.
That failure led Moses to self-exile on the back side of the Midian desert. He ran away.
How many times have I messed up and wanted to run away? Burnt dinner, let down a friend, or worse, lost my temper with a child. Sometimes those feelings of failure run deeper than guilt— they can become outright discouragement.
Moses’ failure did not disqualify him. God still sought him to deliver His people, calling to him out of the burning bush. And Moses answers the call— “here am I” but his confidence quickly evaporates and is replaced with the question— “who am I?”
Truly, this is the position we should all have. When we stand before a holy God, we see how small and insignificant we really are. Moses certainly has the right posture of meekness. In fact, Scripture tells us that Moses was “(…very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.)” (Numbers 12:3)
But there is a razor-thin line where his humility and meekness turns into self-doubt.
Even after God lays out his complete plan, Moses responds, full of uncertainty.
He doesn’t just say “what if they don’t believe me” — he insists “they will not believe me.” (Exodus 4:1) In other words, ‘they're not gonna listen to me. They're gonna say, who do you think you are?’
On top of his doubts, Moses makes excuses. “I am not eloquent…slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” (4:10)
Moses is deeply resigned in these feelings of inadequacy.
How many times have I also banished myself to my own desert of doubts?
Several years ago, I was in the deep trenches of early motherhood. My oldest had just turned 3 and my baby was one year old. At the top of a small piece of paper I wrote: WHAT IS UPSETTING ME, 12/15/15. These were my raw reflections—
"Feeling like a bad mom.
I don't feel adequate enough to have more kids…
I just never feel like I do anything right.
What is wrong with me???
Am I called to be a mom or not?
I'm so useless."
Sometimes it's hard to be pulled away from our own self-loathing.
I, like Moses, was looking only at myself and my abilities.
I’m not enough. I'm so useless. What is wrong with me? You’ve got the wrong woman. Send someone else.
But sister, God put you right where you are. He knows you, inside and out, knows your frame, knows your faults. And He still calls you.
God didn't leave Moses. He never once said, “you're right, Moses—I made a mistake. I picked the wrong guy.” He says, “certainly I will be with thee.” (Exodus 3:12)
When Moses makes excuses, God responds with a question— “what is that in thine hand?” (4:2) That question will be the focus of Part 3 in a few days.
But for now, if you are feeling lost in a wilderness of failure, convinced that you are inadequate for where God has placed you—can I tell you, you aren’t the first woman to feel that way. You aren’t alone.
Take your eyes off of yourself and your self-perceived limitations. Look to Jesus, the One who will never leave you or forsake you. Whose strength is made perfect in weakness.
Even when we feel like we’re not enough…
Even when we think someone else could do it better…
He will be with us.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com
View all episodes
By Natalie BradleyThis is Part 2 in the series Too Much, Not Enough, but Still Valuable.
Click here to read Part 1.
In my first post, I discussed the life of Peter and how I love his boldness: not cowering in fear but asking to walk on water; not merely looking in to the empty tomb, but rushing right inside. At times I feel like Peter, bold yet bumbling, passionate but prone to overstep, charging ahead when others would stand still.
And then, there are times that I relate more to Moses.
The beginning of Exodus moves quickly. Within 15 verses, Moses goes from being a baby in the bulrushes to a fleeing fugitive. He, like Peter, fumbled his call. Though not explicitly stated, we assume Moses knew early of God’s call upon him to deliver the children of Israel. Stephen recites how Moses “supposed his brethren would have understood how that God by his hand would deliver them: but they understood not.” (Acts 7:25)
Moses failed because he was running ahead of God, trying to deliver his brethren by killing an Egyptian—aiming for the right purpose but in the wrong way.
That failure led Moses to self-exile on the back side of the Midian desert. He ran away.
How many times have I messed up and wanted to run away? Burnt dinner, let down a friend, or worse, lost my temper with a child. Sometimes those feelings of failure run deeper than guilt— they can become outright discouragement.
Moses’ failure did not disqualify him. God still sought him to deliver His people, calling to him out of the burning bush. And Moses answers the call— “here am I” but his confidence quickly evaporates and is replaced with the question— “who am I?”
Truly, this is the position we should all have. When we stand before a holy God, we see how small and insignificant we really are. Moses certainly has the right posture of meekness. In fact, Scripture tells us that Moses was “(…very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.)” (Numbers 12:3)
But there is a razor-thin line where his humility and meekness turns into self-doubt.
Even after God lays out his complete plan, Moses responds, full of uncertainty.
He doesn’t just say “what if they don’t believe me” — he insists “they will not believe me.” (Exodus 4:1) In other words, ‘they're not gonna listen to me. They're gonna say, who do you think you are?’
On top of his doubts, Moses makes excuses. “I am not eloquent…slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” (4:10)
Moses is deeply resigned in these feelings of inadequacy.
How many times have I also banished myself to my own desert of doubts?
Several years ago, I was in the deep trenches of early motherhood. My oldest had just turned 3 and my baby was one year old. At the top of a small piece of paper I wrote: WHAT IS UPSETTING ME, 12/15/15. These were my raw reflections—
"Feeling like a bad mom.
I don't feel adequate enough to have more kids…
I just never feel like I do anything right.
What is wrong with me???
Am I called to be a mom or not?
I'm so useless."
Sometimes it's hard to be pulled away from our own self-loathing.
I, like Moses, was looking only at myself and my abilities.
I’m not enough. I'm so useless. What is wrong with me? You’ve got the wrong woman. Send someone else.
But sister, God put you right where you are. He knows you, inside and out, knows your frame, knows your faults. And He still calls you.
God didn't leave Moses. He never once said, “you're right, Moses—I made a mistake. I picked the wrong guy.” He says, “certainly I will be with thee.” (Exodus 3:12)
When Moses makes excuses, God responds with a question— “what is that in thine hand?” (4:2) That question will be the focus of Part 3 in a few days.
But for now, if you are feeling lost in a wilderness of failure, convinced that you are inadequate for where God has placed you—can I tell you, you aren’t the first woman to feel that way. You aren’t alone.
Take your eyes off of yourself and your self-perceived limitations. Look to Jesus, the One who will never leave you or forsake you. Whose strength is made perfect in weakness.
Even when we feel like we’re not enough…
Even when we think someone else could do it better…
He will be with us.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com