It was claimed that Sydney Sweeney was excited about the Split Fiction movie, and that’s an excuse for Alice to be absolutely livid about the Split Fiction game, so please strap in for ten uninterrupted minutes of her choking on her own bile. After that, we manage to find time to discuss the nature of Morrowind, people choosing not to go to GDC, Highguard’s doomed pact with Geoff Keighley, the most Alan Partridge thing Alice has ever said, and more.

You can download the podcast right here, or find it in your podcasting apps:

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Thanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, and to Marsh Davies for our art and God Ribbon for our music. Share your recommendations of games and shrimp at [email protected]. Make the most of our partnership by viewing Jank.cool and perhaps joining the Discord.

Links!

Syd is not actually hype about the Split Fiction script. Bruce Nesmith reckons Morrowind doesn’t hold up. Nate never visited the Crab Palace. Lots of people said they’re skipping GDC this year but the organisers say it’s fine. Highguard’s debut went badly which the dev considers “risky in hindsight”, although they’re trying hard and the 5v5 mode is now permanent. Please enjoy MerritK’s post in the Jank newsletter, and the rest of Jank.cool come to that. Iron Lung is in cinemas now. Brendy reviewed TR49. 

Games!

Split Fiction. The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind. Highguard is free. Everything Is Crab. TR49. 

Recommendations!

Moldovan Rara Neagra, Shitstorm by Fernando Sdrigotti, 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple, Andycruns on BlueSky.

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This episode was previously exclusive to our Patreon backers, but we're making it available to everybody to show what you're missing behind the paywall. You can get access to more Text Adventure plus a year of other subscriber episodes, at patreon.com/TotalPlaytimePodcast.

Text Adventure is our videogame book club, in which we and a guest read a videogame novelisation and try very hard to like it. In this episode we are joined by Johnny Chiodini to read Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, which turns out to be story about a neocon Alan Partridge who's totally devoid of emotional intelligence and incredibly bad at stealth. Which is quite close to how we played Splinter Cell but not, we suspect, the outcome they were aiming for for.

Music by God Ribbon, art by Marsh Davies and our entire existence care of our Patreon backers. Please consider joining them and enabling us to continue our quest to find a games book that isn't absolutely terrible.

Games!

You can still buy the first Splinter Cell game, but the remake is out soon(ish)

Links

This is the book most of us read and this is the one Nate read.

Recommendations!

Going to the charity shops in the most fancy area available to you, London Centric's snail farmer mafioso article, thermal instant cameras, and the Realms Unknown podcast which has featured our own Nate!

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It's a heady intersection of belief systems this week, as we combine Alice's insomniac enthusiasm for weird Instagram crystal sales with Nate's rigorous interrogation of Tim Cain's Types Of Quests. Plus: a horny dog, a nightmarish Pikachu, the Roman god of webinars and Games Anubis joins our increasingly incoherent pantheon.

You can listen to the episode right here, or find it in your podcasting apps:

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKW

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Nate's Quiz will be coming to Patreon next month, but in the meantime we have many other fine episodes to which you get full access by subscribing at patreon.com/totalplaytimepodcast. Thanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, and to Marsh Davies for our art and God Ribbon for our music. You can suggest quest types and your means of death at [email protected].

Links!

Tim Cain's 9 types of Quest. The moderately nightmarish Lego Pikachu is yours for £179.99. Various people will sell you bootleg plans for Lego Metal Gear Rex and probably also the Horizon Zero Dawn Tallneck because Lego long since sold out. Facepunch offered to buy New World after it was given 12 months to live.

Games!

Assassin's Creed Origins and New World, but only if you bought it already.

Recommendations!

The Holdovers, Tokyo These Days and The Long Walk.

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It's 2026, and Alice's dog is still being a dick so she had to leave Jonty, Nate and Brendan to share their gaming New Year's Resolutions, only for the wheels to come off immediately because Nate won't commit to playing new games and Brendan won't commit to resolutions as a concept. We were nevertheless able to muster some recommendations along important discussion of the Eurovision of games, becoming The Balls Guy and the unsettling experience of joining an ARC Raiders suicide cult.

You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKW

RSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067

Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtime

Music by God Ribbon, art by Marsh Davies and our entire existence care of our Patreon supporters, without whom this show would not exist. Consider joining them at https://www.patreon.com/c/TotalPlaytimePodcast. Share your comments and additional New Year's Resolutions for Alice to [email protected].

Links!

People are convincing themselves that Half-Life 3 is coming. The plan for Subnautica 2 is mostly litigation.

Games!

ARC Raiders. Mon Bazou. Totally Legit Wheeler Seller. Let's Build A Zoo. Ark Nova. Crusader Kings 3: Roads to Power. Nivalis. Streets of Fortuna.

Recommendations!

but the games were good. Get yourself a snake plant, and schedule an input day but don't give Nate any credit for it.

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Merry Christmas, sausages one and all, and please enjoy our seasonal gift of grumbling about a Geoff Keighley event. All four of us, plus Anthony Hopkins, took time out from Christmas shopping/wrapping/disorganisation to judge the best of the year-end awards season, and also debate movie series that Alice should binge-watch in her act of seasonal self-harm.

Plus: the least-qualified discussion of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 on any gaming podcast this year, Lenny Kravitz as recession indicator, Rolf the Dog smoking a joint with Joe Rogan and finally building The Interat. Correction: Alice mistakenly credited Rage 2 to Ubisoft when it was of course Bethesda and Jonty was too polite to point this out UNTIL NOW.

You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKW

RSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067

Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtime

Music by God Ribbon, art by Marsh Davies and our entire existence care of our Patreon supporters, who remain the most special sausages even in the face of stiff seasonal competition. Thanks again for making all of this happen. You can send us comments, feedback and suggestions for terrible movie franchises to [email protected].

Games!

Star Wars Fate of the Old Republic, Ace Combat 8, Bradley the Badger, Control: Resonant, Tomb Raider: Catalyst, Sunset Overdrive, Order of the Sinking Star, Ontos, Total Warhammer 40k, Stupid Never Dies, Gang of Dragon.

Links!

The interminable appearance of the Street Fighter Cast. Here is a music journalist getting mad at "gaming 'journalists' and other slack-jawed, brainless zombies" for disrespecting Andrew WK's E3 performance. Damion Schubert pointed out that Game Awards pricing is actually pretty good by contemporary marketing standards. Casey Hudson and Jason Schreier disagreed on when Star Wars: Fate of the Old Republic will come out. The Divinity trailer was gross AF. The internet was entirely normal about the Divinity statue. The first trailer for Baldur's Gate 3 was also a bit much. Alan Hazelden on being part of a Jonathan Blow game. Some people got hype, and then disappointed, by Half-Life 3 again. Anthony Jeselnik's Top 10 books of 2025.

Recommendations!

The Sycamore Gap Mystery and The Salt Path Scandal (here's the Observer exposé), A Passion for Passion, the Inside of You podcast, The Three Body Problem.  

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In this episode we discuss the (frankly, needlessly) controversial HORSES, an Italian surrealist horror game that has been banned from Steam and, latterly, the Epic Game Store, and boy everyone and their mother has been yapping about it. What do we think of Steam's ban? Is nudity ever okay? And what's up with this Ian dude? (Answers: Steam can do what they want but this is still bad; no, live in shame you freaks; it is beyond the remit of this podcast to discover that).

A big thank you to God Ribbon for our music, Marsh Davies for our art, and our Patron supporters, who are all too hot for TV. You can share comments, suggestions, and NO FEEDBACK WHATSOEVER to [email protected].

You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKW

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Links!

*deep breath* Horses got banned from Steam, in events described by the devs here and supplement by a statement from Valve; Eurogamer also further interviewed Pietro Righi Riva, studio director, here. The game was also yoinked from Epic and briefly delisted by Humble (a summary from the Verge here). This kerfuffle despite the fact that most people who play the game kind of shrug at the content (Edwin, at our old stomping ground, seemed to like it, and his review provides a lot of context). Also, Ian Bogost rose from the dead to remind us that games shouldn't have stories anyway, and if they do they're bad. Horses is available on Itch, Humble and GOG.

Games!

Brendy has been shredding in Skate Story. Jonty has been playing The Séance of Blake Manor and is incorrect about it. Santa Ragione's website with links to their other games is here.

Recommendations!

Brant recommends The Ooh Directory (via PCGamer), Jonty recommends internet newsletter Read Max, and I recommend cooking channel Kaz Cooks.

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We celebrate the birth of the Xbox 360, and God's own sausage-in-a-suit-jacket Phil Spencer. But mostly the Xbox 360. We reminisce about what the 'box mean to us, and Jonty reveals some of the behind-the-scenes dead-eyed virtual child Milo goss you've been waiting for. Plus! Games Satan returns with possibly his weirdest question yet.

A big thank you to God Ribbon for our music, Marsh Davies for our art, and the best sausages in the world, our Patreon supporters, for financing our silliness. You can share comments, suggestions, feedback, and Xbox memories to [email protected].

You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKW

RSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067

Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtime

Links!

Eurogamer's piece on the end of the 360, and their hub of 360 articles. Here's the Milo demo, and the whole 2010 conference that Jonty was at if you're arsed. Enjoy the 360 reveal feat. Elijah Wood on PCGamer.

Recommendations!

Conceited by Lola Young, Wharf Aquatics, Wirecutter's mystery Amazon pallet unboxing, and The Turn Of The Screw by Henry James.

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This week is another two-hander, as Jonty and Nate are both away, so Brendy earns his keep by joining me as we have mild opinions about Rockstar delaying Grand Theft Auto VI, but stronger opinions about Rockstar firing a bunch of developers out of nowhere. We also discuss an interesting interview from Tomas Sala, developer of Bulwark and The Falconeer, AND, as a special treat, we've been playing some topical and current video games this week. 

A big thank you to God Ribbon for our music, Marsh Davies for our art, and ethical and sensible Patreon supporters for financing our silliness. You can share comments, suggestions, feedback, and union support to [email protected].

You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKW

RSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067

Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtime

Links!

GTAVI is delayed, but Strauss Zelnick is like 'no worries m8'. Rockstar has been accused of union busting and can suck it if this is indeed the case (since we recorded Rockstar are facing legal action). Tomas Sala on finding a sustainable dev life away from virality, via Eurogamer.

Matthew "Iggy" Kowalski needs a kidney.

Games!

Arc Raiders! Dispatch! The Séance of Blake Manor!

Recommendations!

Bronder recommends Gutshot by Amelia Gray, and I recommend A Very Vexing Murder by Lucy Andrew

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This week we're down a Jonty (not permanently, don't worry) but up a new chair, thanks to our Patreon pals! And it's been a week of upheaval elsewhere, as Microsoft and Xbox has been the focus of a lot of news. Halo is re-back, but also on PlayStation!? What do we think this means for hexboks? Nothing particularly encouraging, but Brendy is annoyed by some Halo rocks. PLUS Nate makes fun of AI, and Alice has been playing Bloodlines 2, as is her curse.

A big thank you to God Ribbon for our music, Marsh Davies for our art, and our very cool and majestic Patreon supporters for being the wind beneath our wings - a wind that allows for a new host, no less. You can share comments, suggestions, feedback, and strong opinions about Halo rocks at [email protected].

Links!

Xbox allegedly pushes for 30% margins, is unconcerned by other platforms, and is putting arguably its flagship product on the Sony box. Remember when the internet stopped working? That was because of one software bug, but best not to worry unless your bed bricked. EA signed a deal with Stability AI, and it's fun to laugh at bad AI, unless you're on dating apps, I guess.

Games!

Keep Driving! Bloodlines 2! PowerWash Simulator 2! Dawn Of War! Carimara!

Recommendations!

Make a kind of mincemeat toast instead of a mince pie, observe Stewthius, the perpetual stew, watch ish's terrifying Minecraft social experiments.

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Alice is unavailable so we are joined by another voice of podcasts past: James Archer, the RPS master of waring hard. He assists us in considering the latest collection of furious developer commentary and shares his judgement on the handheld Xbox thing, for which he is rewarded by being anointed Archbishop of Games Canterbury. You may think these freeform attempts at rolling our own belief system are unsustainable but we're British (derogatory), this stuff is in our blood.

Thanks to God Ribbon for our music, Marsh Davies for our art, and our beloved Patreon backers for funding the podcast and make it happen. You can share comments, suggestions and prospective papal edicts at [email protected].

Links!

Game File revealed that Ubisoft cancelled a Reconstruction-era Assassin's Creed game. Glen Israel left 343 Industries in an extremely portentous way. Halo already did an anime. The IWGB union published an open letter savaging the management at Build A Rocket Boy. The ROG Xbox Ally X.

Games!

Assassin's Creed Freedom Cry. Halos Infinite and 4. Prototype lets you punch people into spaghetti by design rather than graphical error. Everybody loved Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty, eventually. Rimworld Odyssey. Dawn of War: Definitive Edition. There's an updated version of Red Alert in Command and Conquer Remastered. Battlefield 6. Cloverpit.

Recommendations!

Tenggar Cavalry, Kartuli and Peacemaker.

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