Looksmaxxing promises to make dating easier, but looks can’t solve the parts of dating that actually matter.

It’s tempting to believe that changing your appearance is the shortcut to attracting more women, but compatibility requires so much more than looking the part.

In this episode, we’re talking about looksmaxxing, dating, self-improvement, attractiveness, social media, optimization culture, and why there are no shortcuts to genuine human connection💚

⏱️ CHAPTERS & TIME STAMPS00:00 why is looksmaxxing so appealing?02:01 what are women actually looking for?03:28 are we optimizing the wrong thing?05:40 it’s easier to fix your jawline than yourself07:02 the illusion of having more dating options08:16 you can’t optimize your dating life10:07 why human connection has no shortcuts

Convenience culture promises to make life easier, but what if all that convenience is making us lonelier?

From food delivery and AI to friendships that require more effort than we’re used to, we’ve started treating inconvenience as something to avoid, even when that effort is what creates connection.

Let’s talk about convenience culture, community, loneliness, social connection, optimization culture, and why building a meaningful life might require us to be inconvenienced💚

⏱️ CHAPTERS & TIME STAMPS

00:00 why do i miss being exhausted?

01:08 why we’ve started treating effort like a problem

03:22 why community is inherently inconvenient

04:22 the problem with convenient socializing

05:50 how convenience culture is making us lonelier

07:05 why community might help you live longer

08:48 are we responsible for our own loneliness?

10:33 we create the culture we complain about

11:30 why convenience isn’t actually convenient

12:23 why we need to stop optimizing everything

Saying “all men are trash” might feel like a way to protect yourself from bad dating experiences, but what if it’s actually lowering your standards?

When you’ve been treated badly enough, basic respect can start to feel like the world instead of a requirement.

In this episode, we’re talking about dating standards, the bare minimum, unhealthy relationships, modern dating, and how your past experiences can shape what you expect from the people you date💚

⏱️ CHAPTERS & TIME STAMPS

00:00 does “all men are trash” lower your dating standards?

00:41 why we even start saying “all men are trash”

02:34 safety vs dating standards

03:19 how your words shape your dating expectations

04:28 how bad dating experiences change your standards

05:25 basic respect is the bare minimum

06:07 do you even know what you should want?

07:49 why you need to believe better partners exist

08:25 how to change your dating standards

10:19 your past relationships shouldn’t define your future

Sometimes you think you know who you are and then all of sudden life changes and you feel like you lost your sense of identity and worth.

This happened to me after going from being a student to being unemployed.

Lost, confused, insecure, and left with nothing but the core of who I am.

When life changes it's easy to feel like you're losing yourself, but why does that happen?

And how do we prevent that from happening in the future?

It turns out a lot of us have been tying our worth and identity to the wrong things.

The world gives us a list of labels to be and things that make us successful but maybe we've been navigating this all wrong.

In today's episode I talk about how identity shifts in different stages of life, how we lose our sense of self when we don't understand where it comes from, and how all of this can make us lose not only our sense of self but also our sense of worth.

Join me as I navigate my identity and worth, while helping you feel less alone and my advice on how to gain it back and not lose it again.

0:00 the moment I lost myself

1:42 tying identity to things that change

2:39 we like holding onto old versions

3:31what happens once the label is gone?

5:47 how you outsource your worth

7:24 our worth as a number (podcast example)

8:27 do we have inherent worth?

10:12 identity is fluid

11:19 questions to challenge you

Protecting your peace, setting boundaries, and putting yourself first have become some of the most popular pieces of relationship advice online. But can protecting your peace actually cost you connection?

0:00 love is doing things you don’t like

1:18 when protecting yourself becomes isolation

2:43 what makes someone matter to you

3:47 what if compromise can feel good?

4:39 love changes what you enjoy

5:36 your people aren't a burden

6:28 you won't have them forever

7:42 some things are worth disrupting your peace

8:38 let the people you love change you

We've become very good at protecting ourselves from things that drain us, inconvenience us, or make us uncomfortable. But what happens when we start treating every inconvenience as something we should avoid?In this episode of Touching Grass, we explore the line between healthy boundaries and the kind of self-protection that can quietly make our lives smaller.Because relationships aren't built on obligation.They're built on people choosing to show up for each other—even when it's inconvenient.We get into:-Why "you don't owe anyone anything" can be both empowering and limiting-The difference between protecting your peace and choosing comfort over connection-How the "if it's not a hell yes, it's a no" mindset can make relationships more transactional-Why showing up is one of the most meaningful ways we communicate love-How doing things you don't care about can become meaningful because of who you're doing them with-Why compromise doesn't have to feel like a burden-The privilege of having people worth showing up for-How the people we love can actually change the way we experience the world-Why we shouldn't let online advice dictate when we're "allowed" to cancel on the people we love-The perspective that comes from realizing you don't know how much time you have left with someone-What my dad taking me to see Melanie Martinez at 14 taught me about love and showing upBecause protecting your peace matters.But so does letting people into your life.Your friends aren't a burden.Your family isn't a burden.Your partner isn't a burden.Sometimes love looks like going when you're tired.Sometimes it looks like doing something you would never choose for yourself.Sometimes it looks like standing in the rain, going to a concert you don't care about, or taking the long way because someone you love is excited about it.And sometimes...You don't just learn to tolerate the things you did for someone else.You learn to love them, too.You don't owe anyone anything.And that's exactly why showing up feels so special.

0:00 am i running out of ideas?

1:16 where do ideas come from anyways?

2:25 my podcast altered my creativity

3:49 is creativity separate from ourselves?

4:57 the discipline of creation

6:03 it’s good to be bad

7:17 training your brain to think

8:42 the over reliance on inspiration

10:25 changing your mind changes your life

11:46 create without being creative

What if you're not running out of ideas?

What if you're just waiting for them to find you?

We’re taught that creativity happens when inspiration strikes.

That the best ideas appear in the shower, on a walk, or in the middle of doing something completely unrelated.

And sometimes they do.

But what happens when you stop waiting for inspiration... and start looking for ideas instead?

In this episode of Touching Grass, we explore why creativity isn't something you're simply born with, why waiting to feel inspired can actually limit your creativity, and how consistently creating can train your brain to find ideas everywhere.

Because creativity might feel spontaneous.

But the ability to create consistently is a skill.

We get into:

-Why we believe creative people are simply "inspired"

-How waiting for ideas can actually shrink your creativity

-Why creativity expands the more you practice it

-What starting this podcast taught me about consistently generating ideas

-The surprising reason I came up with six episode ideas in one week

-Why your brain gets better at noticing ideas when you train it to look for them

-The difference between taking a creative break and waiting for inspiration

-Why bad ideas are actually an important part of the creative process

-How discipline can strengthen your creative muscle

-Why inspiration is useful, but relying on it can hold you back

-How social media and AI can interrupt the brainstorming process before you've had a chance to think for yourself

-Why changing a small belief about creativity can change what you accomplish

This episode isn't about forcing yourself to create when you're burnt out.

And it's not about pretending inspiration doesn't exist.

It's about realizing that inspiration doesn't have to come first.

Sometimes you have to create before you feel creative.

Because the more you practice looking for ideas, the more ideas you start to see.

0:00 why it's so easy to hate yourself

1:29 you're spreading beauty standards

2:32 is plastic surgery transparency harmful?

4:05 how insecurity spreads

5:30 we are the new media

7:08 the double-edged sword of validation

7:56 your words become your mindset (high school story)

9:52 your inner dialogue is contagious

11:14 a million voices in your head

11:58 changing the conversation

13:05 becoming the positive change

Every time you call yourself ugly..

.Someone else starts wondering if they should feel the same way.

We like to blame beauty standards on magazines, influencers, and billion-dollar companies.

But what if the people keeping them alive... are us?

In this episode of Touching Grass, we explore how insecurity spreads through language, why the way we talk about ourselves shapes the people around us, and how social media has turned all of us into the new media.

Because beauty standards aren't just created by corporations.

They're reinforced every time we tell the world what we believe is wrong with ourselves.

We get into:

-Why insecurity is more contagious than we realize

-How social media invents new beauty flaws for us to fix

-Why the way you talk about yourself influences how others see themselves

-The psychology behind why repeated messages become beliefs

-When plastic surgery transparency helps... and when it becomes marketing

-How influencers unintentionally profit from spreading insecurity

-Why intention isn't the same as impact

-The surprising reason speaking negatively about yourself strengthens those beliefs

-The story that changed the way I talk about my appearance forever

-How we can reshape beauty standards by changing the language we use every day

This episode isn't about pretending insecurities don't exist.

And it's not about shaming people for getting Botox, plastic surgery, or talking about their struggles.

It's about recognizing that every conversation we have about beauty shapes someone else's inner voice.

Because we are the media now.

The words we choose don't just change how we see ourselves.

They change how the next person sees themselves too.

If we want healthier beauty standards, we can't just change what we consume.

We have to change what we create.

0:00 sperm goes to egg?

1:13 how being passive limits you

2:34 the lie of 'attract, don't chase'

3:30 i made the first move

6:03 chasing vs desperation

7:34 you’re not the prize (neither is he)

8:37 nyc story: when nobody makes the first move

11:35 interest does not equal action

12:22 there is no “chooser”

13:29 bridgerton & the illusion of choice

14:54 dating isn’t a game of caring less

"Don't chase, attract."

It's some of the most common dating advice online.

Women are told to wait to be chosen.

Men are told they're the prize.

Everyone is trying to seem less interested than they actually are.

And somehow... dating has never felt harder.

In this episode of Touching Grass, we unpack why modern dating advice is keeping people passive, why making the first move isn't the same as chasing someone, and how waiting to be chosen may be costing you some of the most meaningful connections of your life.

Because empowerment isn't about pretending you don't care.

It's about having the courage to act on what you do.

We get into:

-Why "attract, don't chase" has become one of the internet's biggest dating myths

-The difference between making the first move and chasing someone who isn't interested

-Why so many healthy relationships never begin because neither person acts

-The psychology behind rejection and why it feels scarier than it really is

-How dating coaches have rebranded passivity as empowerment

-The biggest lesson my healthiest relationship taught me about initiative

-Why there is no "chooser" and "chosen" in healthy dating

-How history still shapes the way women think about making the first move

-Why the real prize isn't being chosen (and what it actually is)

This episode isn't about telling women they should always make the first move.

It's about questioning why we've been taught that expressing genuine interest somehow makes us less valuable.

Because the most empowering thing you can do isn't waiting for life to happen to you.

It's realizing that your future is shaped by the opportunities you're willing to create.

The best relationships aren't built on games, power, or pretending not to care.

They're built when two people are brave enough to stop waiting and start choosing.

0:00 a harmful or helpful label?

1:16 i was the pick me

2:53 the stereotype that created me

4:08 the labels original empowerment

5:22 the problematic shift

6:23 was that pick me of me?

7:19 women are allowed to like things

9:27 women can never win

10:07 limiting what a woman can be

13:03 destroying the mold

Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

The word pick me has taken the internet by storm and has helped many (including myself), identify their own internalized misogyny.

But what starts as a useful way to identify harmful behavior can slowly become a new set of rules for how women are allowed to exist.

In this episode of Touching Grass, we explore how the meaning of "pick me" has evolved, why the label originally mattered, and how its overuse may now be reinforcing the same gender stereotypes it was created to challenge.

Because somewhere along the way, the conversation stopped being about seeking male validation

And started becoming another way to police women's interests.

We get into:

-What it actually means to be a "pick me"

-How internalized misogyny shaped my own experiences growing up

-Why so many girls distance themselves from stereotypically feminine interests

-How online language evolves and changes meaning over time

-The difference between seeking male validation and simply having different interests

-Why women should be free to enjoy both traditionally feminine and masculine hobbies

-How labels can unintentionally reinforce the very stereotypes they're meant to dismantle

-The impossible standards women are expected to meet online

-Why women are criticized no matter which version of femininity they choose

-How we can move beyond labels and allow women to exist as complex, multidimensional people

This episode isn't about defending "pick me" behavior.

It's about asking whether we've become so focused on calling it out that we've started creating a new mold for what women are allowed to be.

Because women don't need a smaller box.

They need no box at all.

The goal was never to replace one stereotype with another.

It was to create a world where women are free to define themselves.

You hear an idea online, someone finally puts it into words, and suddenly you believe it explains everything, but what if those words are shaping the way you see the world? This episode explores why everyone online sounds the same, how language shapes our emotions and worldview, and why relying on someone else to articulate your thoughts can be dangerous💚

⏱️ CHAPTERS & TIME STAMPS

00:00 why everyone online sounds the same02:09 why we love commentary content03:00 why words make us human03:34 the words we have shape what we feel04:36 what is “sonder”?05:44 how labels flatten the world06:23 why art feels deeper than words07:15 when you rely on someone else’s words09:28 the danger of believing the first explanation13:13 why everyone online starts sounding the same14:52 how language shapes culture16:32 powerful people understand the power of words17:12 question the words the world feeds you18:34 how to become an independent thinker