Dear Abigail,

I am a 30-year-old single woman. I am happily single—I have a successful career, make good money, live in a desirable neighborhood with my cute and companionable dog, and have best friends who are also single. I travel, enjoy sporting events, go to exercise classes, drink cosmos, run marathons, and spend lots of time out in the city with friends.

After ending a four-year relationship last year, I see my singledom as a complete gift. To be free, happy, and independent after years of being unsure or unhappy is a blessing. I eat exactly what I want for dinner, play Joni Mitchell at full volume in the car, FaceTime my mom for hours in the evenings. I never have to explain my choices in home decor or get annoyed at how someone cleans the bathroom.

Yet I know that I dream of a partnership and being a parent. When I venture into the dating scene, I struggle with the ups and downs: the instant hit I get from male validation, the blow to my self-esteem when I’m ghosted, the anticipation before a date, the fixation on wondering what I did wrong, disappointment with lack of connection, and guilt when they pursue me but I’m not interested.