Imagine Star Wars, but it takes place in 1870s Canada, stars Nicolas Cage, and is about rowing. Still with me? Good. Now imagine all of that, but it's boring, and that's what the movie we watched this week is all about. Also, you can only watch it if you live in the U.K. for some reason. Or if you pay almost $40 on Ebay, like I did. Don't be like me.