In this episode I chat with the lovely Kate, who’s got a 13-month-old, and we get into what motherhood looks like when you don’t really have a village… not because you don’t want one, but because things with family just aren’t safe or sustainable.

We talk a lot about estrangement, from parents and in-laws, and how messy and heavy that can really feel. Most of us WANT a beautiful village, but can find ourselves in situations we would never ask for, just wanting to feel respected and loved by those who are our family. We also talk about how hard is when your children are missing out on those important relationships, again not out of choice, but because things do not seem to feel aligned with each other.

We get into the generational gaps too.. how differently our parents were raised, how they parented us, and how that clashes with the way we’re trying to raise our own kids. The lack of emotional awareness, the dismissal, the “that’s just how it is” mindset… and how hard it is trying to break those patterns without any real understanding or support from them.

Kate shares her background with anxiety and depression, and how becoming a mum didn’t magically fix anything, if anything, it brought a lot of it to the surface. Pregnancy after loss, postpartum hormones, intrusive thoughts… all while trying to figure out who you are now.

We also talk about that weird, painful layer of watching other people have supportive families.. grandparents who show up, help out, make things feel lighter while you’re over here trying to do it mostly on your own. And the mix of jealousy, grief, and guilt that can come with that.

There’s a big thread through this episode around reparenting, not in a buzzword way, but in a very real, everyday way. Trying to give your child the consistency, safety, and love you maybe didn’t always get… while still navigating your own stuff at the same time.

We also touch on:

• how daycare can actually be a lifeline when you don’t have family support
• the strain this all puts on relationships and mental health
• learning to trust your own decisions when family constantly questions or undermines you
• and sitting in that tension of wanting connection with your family, but knowing it comes at a cost

Just two mums talking about what it’s like to do things differently, set boundaries, and carry the weight of that — especially when it means doing a lot of motherhood without the people who were “meant” to be your support system.

You can find me over on Instagram at @doulamarley and @becomingboth if you want to keep the conversation going or share your thoughts on this episode.

And if this one resonated with you, it would mean so much if you took a minute to leave a review — it helps more mums find the podcast and feel a little less alone in all of this 🤍