This is your News You do not Need podcast.

Imagine waking up and grabbing your phone, eager to catch up on the latest global crises or, you know, maybe just find out which celebrity got a new haircut. But instead, you come across what might be one of the greatest “Why is this news?” moments of the year. In a tiny slice of Bengal, in a town known for lively Durga Puja celebrations, organizers decided the time had come for America’s former president, Donald Trump, to have a spiritual makeover—Bollywood villain style. Because obviously, nothing completes a religious festival quite like a papier-mâché Trump with three eyes and a demon grin peering over a crowd of sari-clad aunties and uncles munching on sweets.

Picture the scene: Durga Puja, which is supposed to be about slaying evil, worshipping the goddess, and, of course, showcasing the best butter chicken this side of Kolkata, suddenly stars a foamy-haired Trump posing as Mahishasura, the legendary demon. If you’re wondering what made him deserve this honor, organizers indignantly point to his tariffs on Indian goods, some visa rules, and an apparent betrayal of... well, the spirit of international trade or possibly mango exports. What better way to lodge your trade complaints than to make an eight-foot-tall effigy and parade it for your neighborhood and, just maybe, the global press? Somewhere, an actual demon is feeling a little upstaged and wishing for better public relations.

Reactions? As you’d expect, social media in India detonated, debate raged, and meme-makers finally got a brief from the universe itself. Is it political protest, performance art, or just proof that Indian festivals have officially run out of ideas for asuras? The answer is yes.

Meanwhile, I’d love to see the tourist confusedly explaining to their mother back home that he didn’t visit the Taj Mahal, but he did get a selfie with a demon-Trump, which probably counts as a spiritual experience. Not to be outdone, locals are already floating ideas for next year’s villain. Elon Musk as Ravana? Putin as the blue-faced ogre from ancient Indian epics? The possibilities are endless, and probably even less relevant to your actual life than the news you’ll hear tomorrow.

So next time you’re at a festival just hoping for good food and music, beware—you might end up standing face to face with the world’s oddest protest art. And the best part? You absolutely, unequivocally, do not need to know any of this… which, of course, is exactly why you’re hearing it right now.

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This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI