There are few mysteries more complex than the Pizza-guy-possibly-wearing-or-being-an-animatronic-but-also-running-a-store-for-children-where-people-throw-pants-at-badgers-while-being-badgered-get-it-its-a-joke-haha-laugh-now-please-okay-love-you-bye.

-Ronald Heffinbacker, 32 minutes before his untimely death at the hands of a mechanical badger.