Abuse – it’s a big word that’s hard to talk about.  Aspergian and autistic women can find themselves particularly vulnerable to it.
Awareness is the greatest way to reduce your likelihood of becoming a victim.
In this episode, Dr. Liane Holliday Wiley shares her own hard-earned experiences and lessons with us.
Today’s Guest
Dr. Liane Holliday Willey
Website: http://www.aspie.com/
Twitter: Aspie101
You’ll Learn:
4 Types of Abuse You Need To Understand
What is abuse?
Here’s an extensive listing of the different types of abuse, listed by Wikipedia.
In this episode, Dr. Willey covered four types of abuse.

* Sexual Abuse
* Physical Abuse
* Economic Abuse
* Emotional Abuse

She speaks candidly about her own experiences with these different types of abuse.
By listening to these examples, you can empower yourself to be alert for these types of abuse in your relationships and guard against them.
Resources:
Sexual Abuse Resource – About Sexual Assault
Definition of Physical Abuse (and how to get treatment)
Article from the Thinking Person’s Guide To Autism – Identifying Good People and Avoiding Bad People: How Can An Autistic Person Stay Safe?  by Maxfield Sparrow.
Economic Abuse Defined
Live Bold and Bloom article – 30 Signs of Emotional Abuse
Dr. Liane Holliday Willey’s books:
Pretending To Be Normal

Safety Skills For Aspergers Women

I’ll be sending a few more resources in my newsletter.  If you haven’t subscribed, do so now to receive those extra resources!
Copyright: kmiragaya / 123RF Stock Photo

TWAP 070 Be Shrewd : 4 Types of Abuse Aspegers Women Need To Understand

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Gus Hardy, an autistic author, shared his story about another autistic friend from high school:
I talked a year ago with an old friend from high school who shares my disorder but not my belief. My friend had attempted suicide, reasoning that “I’m not contributing anything to the world, and since we’re all screwing up the environment, I might as well not use up any more of the earth’s resources.” This friend could only see the world in terms of resources and expendability—with no mention of inherent worth or dignity. I still pray for her.
Gus’s autistic friend’s suicide attempt unfortunately highlights a trend in the autistic community: suicidal thoughts and attempts.
Aspergian author M. Kelter wrote about a study talking about how two in every three Asperigan young and older adults struggle with suicidal thoughts.
M. Kelter writes,
One recent study found that two thirds of spectrum-diagnosed adults surveyed had contemplated suicide; 35 percent had actually made plans or an attempt.
This is why we need to be talking about suicide prevention, particularly for autistics and Aspergians.
You can give and receive hope by learning about suicide prevention.
Here are 8 things you and I should know about suicide prevention.
1.  What Is Suicide Prevention?
According to Wikipedia,

Suicide prevention is an umbrella term for the collective efforts of local citizen organizations, health professionals and related professionals to reduce the incidence of suicide.

It includes –

treating the symptoms of depression
improving the coping strategies of persons who would otherwise seriously consider suicide
reducing the prevalence of conditions believed to constitute risk factors for suicide
and giving people hope for a better life after their current problems are resolved.

2.  Why Is Suicide Prevention Important?
Without understanding suicide prevention, it’s hard for you and me to help someone who needs helping.
But most importantly I believe that  you, I, and every person on this planet is created in the image of God.
Therefore, every person has inherent worth and dignity, and deserves to be alive.
3.  Aspergers/Autism, Depression, and Suicide Prevention
As M. Kelter points out in his series on depression, a large percentage of Aspergians and autistics deal with depression.
By definition, clinical depression can include frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide.
Addressing depression is one of the best ways to prevent suicide.
4.  The Statistics of Suicide Potential Among Autistics and Aspergians
According to Aspegertestsite....

8 Things You Need To Know About Suicide Prevention

Did you know that Thrive with Autism/Aspergers has its very own reporting team?
Just kidding.
Michael and Cici, from TWAP054 Happy Aspergers Marriage Secrets, attended AspieCon this year.
And they graciously submitted their report of their time there.
What Is AspieCon?
According to their website,
AspieCon is everything you love about ComicCon combined with the best aspects of a community resource fair. It celebrates the incredibly diverse interests of people on the autism spectrum while also providing valuable resources and support for our awesome Aspies and Auties, their families, and their friends.
Dr. Frank Gaskill and Southeastern Psych help organize this convention.
What You’ll Learn

Aspies sharing their world with the outside public
Sensory free zones
Panels included the following topics:

* advanced cosplay techniques
* what to expect in therapy
* educational advocacy – how parents can navigate the educational systems via IEPs and help their child to take advantage of their skills and traits as a student with autism
* The Epiphany School of Charlotte – a unique school for students with Aspergers and other social communication differences
* a Question and Answer session with Aspie Teens – what it’s like to be on the spectrum as a teen
* Parenting on the spectrum – discussing the experiences, challenges, and joys of raising children on the spectrum
* How To Turn Your Passion Into a Career
* Autism After 18
* Employment for Aspies, and how many tech companies are recognizing the gifts of Aspies and Auties


* Celebrities and Famous People with Aspergers/Autism

* Courtney Love, Andy Warhol, Anthony Hopkins
* Athletes like Clay Marzo, Jessica Applegate, and David Campion
* Possible historical figures like Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln



Final Impressions
Cici – it was interactive, out of the box, building a strong community, empowering individuals on the spectrum, not a disease, but a difference
Michael – it was a celebration of who you are as a person with Aspergers, squeeze every bit of who you are out of who you are
Join the Conversation
What topics would you most like covered on the show? Who would you like me to interview? Share you answer in the comments below or Ask me a question via my Contact Page.
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TWAP085: If You Listen To One AspieCon Report, Listen To This One

What I Found Out From A Group of Men
I remember sharing my life story with a group of men from my church.
We shared our private struggles as well as our victories so that we could really challenge each other and grow.
We also promised that we would keep our stories confidential.
As one guy after another shared their story, I was surprised to hear that many things I thought only I struggled with, other guys struggled with too!
But when you’re alone, it’s hard to know that anyone else out there is like you.
Autistic women have too often been isolated from the rest of the autism community.
Aspergers and autism was most often studied and identified among boys and men.
But now, women across the world are being known.
Facebook groups, Wrong Planet forums, and blogs like The Autism Women’s Network are increasingly shining the spotlight on autistic women.
[For this blog post, AS will refer to Aspergerian or autistic, while NS will refer to non-spectrum]
AS women can expand and improve their friendships by learning about other AS women’s strengths and struggles with friendships.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re an AS woman, take heart and know that you’re not alone.
Your struggles to connect with NS women are echoed by women in all the forums I explored.
In an article from Spectrum News, titled Friendship Poses Unique Challenges for Women on the Spectrum, authors Liz Pellicano and Felicity Sedgewick talked about the following friendship hurdles they discovered.  They reviewed research and interviewed 15 AS women and 15 NS women.
Here are some discoveries they made:

* Friendship is important for AS women (I would expect no less)
* They value sharing thoughts and emotions, having a safe space, having the support of a trusted person.
* AS relationships differ from NS relationships – while NS women tend to have a greater number of friends, AS women have fewer relationships.  The relationships tend to be more intense.
* Social anxiety about uncertainty in relationships can cause AS women to keep interactions brief.  NS women often interpret brief interactions as a cue that AS women don’t want to be friends, and the relationship then fades.
* When women form a relationship with an NS partner, that partner’s friends become her friends.  But if the relationship ends, it can leave them isolated.

When I shared this article in the Thrivers’ Community, quite a number AS women said they could resonate so much with the content of the article.
And as I read through Wrong Planet forums where women talked about friendship, I saw all their experiences being very similar.
AS Women’s Differences Explain Why Friendship With NS Women Can Be Challenging
Interpreting NS Communication
According to Dr. Pellicano, “autistic women, in particular, may have difficulty interpreting the social subtleties friendships entail.”
More specifically, as Holly mentioned in episodes 80 and 81, NS women and men can be vague and imprecise in their speech, so that it’s hard for AS women to pick up on the meaning behind their words.
Lack of Shared Interests
I also noticed over and over in Wrong Planet forums AS women talking about having more male interests,

TWAP083: These 3 AS Women Friendship Insights Will Make You Think

On April 2, we’ll be celebrating Autism Awareness Day.

Gratitude: Be Thankful For How Far Society Has Come
Autism Speaks is a polarizing organization!
To be sure, there’s a lot of misinformation coming out of there.
But it’s important to celebrate increased awareness of autism.
In the words of my colleague, Violet,

As I have observed over time,  Autism Speaks was a voice for those unable to speak. Any group that grows will eventually have conflicting priorities. It seems to me that if the whole world knows what blue lights and puzzle pieces are about- much has been accomplished. what is needed now is the next steps of awareness, the hows and whys of meaningful communication on all sides.

Autism Acceptance: The Next Step For Autism Day
Celebrating an autism day is not enough.  Awareness by itself is insufficient.
Apartheid was a system of segregation enforced by legislation.  It kept the white Afrikaaners in control as the dominant party from 1948 to 1994.  Through Nelson Mandela’s imprisonment and struggles, democracy finally came to South Africa.
Through slavery, United States Caucasians controlled African people from 1619 – 1865.  However, the civil rights movement took years of constant struggle to overcome the effects of racism, culminating in the death of Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1968.
In the same way that racism has held peoples hostage in societies, misinformation often leads to discrimination and inequity for minority groups in our country: including autistics.
We need to combine autism awareness with autism acceptance.
Everyone should transform autism awareness day into autism acceptance action every single day.
I’m indebted to Amethyst Schaber and Shannon Des Roches Rosa Souza for showing us how to honor autism awareness day with acceptance and action.
In this video, Amethyst Schaber, a 24-year-old autistic woman and activist, opened my eyes to the difference between autism awareness and autism acceptance.

First, autism awareness day has too often spread misinformation about autistics.  Many of the people who’ve promoted autism awareness come from a place of love, but from a limited point of view.
Too often, those who promote autism awareness think that autism needs to be cured, or loved ones who see autism as something to be cured.
Even though the effort to raise awareness comes from a place of love, this view of autism has mistakenly spread the view of autistics as “sick, broken, missing, kidnapped, suffocating under layer of autism that parents have to fight and combat.”  (quote from Amethyst Schaber)
What we need, instead, just as the civil rights movement needed minority voices, is autism awareness with acceptance.
How can we promote autism acceptance?
Take the negative brand of awareness and turn it around.
1.  Read up on the history of autism acceptance month.  
Here’s the full story.
2. Highlight autistic people and voices, both verbal and non-verbal, rather than non-autistic people talking bout autistic people without them — enabling non-autistics to view autism from an autistic’s point of view.
Call to Action:
Tweet out these articles, whose authors deserved to be heard:
[Tweet “Check Out These Top Ten #Autism Blogs, by Spectrum Writers  http://bit.ly/10-autism-blogs “]
[Tweet “Listen to the Loud Mute Radio Show http://bit.ly/loud-mute-show #asd #awareness”]
[Tweet “”Autistics are full, whole people, who possess full personhood, deserving the same thoughts as every other perso...

TWAP030: 3 Ways To Honor World Autism Day

What’s autism and the workplace all about?
In this episode, I speak with Holly Anonymous, a Thrive with Aspergers/Autism community member about her background and her autism advocacy in corporate America.
You’ll Find Out

* How Holly found out about Aspergers
* How she discovered she has Aspergers
* Holly’s experience with selective mutism growing up
* How the school system failed Holly growing up
* How society’s failures have inspired Holly to increase awareness of autism in the workplace
* “I want to help adults understand this condition [autism], and to help other people, so that others don’t have to go what I went through.”

Holly’s Insights From Her Workplace Presentation

* Myths and Stereotypes About Autism – Not everyone is Rain Man, Not All Aspies Are Male, and More
* The stress of “fitting in” with facial expressions in the workplace
* How Holly uses humor strategically to “disarm” non-autistics
* Holly’s definition of autism – “a neurological condition that affects the way a person experiences the world: the way that they think, the way that they interpret information, the way they take in that information, and the way they project information.”
* Possible Autism Characteristics in the Workplace (combinations and intensity of traits vary per individual)

Photo by LinkedIn Sales Navigator on Unsplash

TWAP 070 Be Shrewd : 4 Types of Abuse Aspegers Women Need To Understand

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