How to Find Friends

Introduction – Someone To Show Me “How”

I don’t know if you’re like me, but I like someone to show me how to do some things before I try them.

For example, as a therapist, I know how important deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation is for helping people reduce physical and mental stress. (see here and here for scientific research about the benefits)

I had read about how to these exercises, but nothing quite helped me as much as watching a couple of videos of psychologists teaching these exercises to kids.

The psychologists, from the University of North Carolina, had received lots of training and guidance in these exercises.

At some point in life we all struggle to find friends.

A big thanks to my friend Marc who gave me a book by Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson, PsyD, author of The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults

Dr. Laugeson and her colleagues show us how to find friends.

She and her team of researchers at the UCLA PEERS groups have studied social skills and “what works” in creating friendships.

They have broken down seemingly complex social skills from what people call an “art” to more of a “science.”

Here’s what Dr. Laugeson says:

Although it may be true that some have a natural knack for conversational arts, it’s not necessarily true that all social skills are hardwired or fixed.  What if conversational skills, and more broadly social skills, were not an art but a science?  Our research in social skills training for teens and young adults with social difficulties is based on this premise.

And my premise for you, if you are a middle or later aged adult on the spectrum, is that you can learn these skills as well.

#1 Know Yourself

Friendships often form around shared interests.  Therefore it’s important to know what your own interests are.

The reason that identifying your interests is so important is that friendships are based on common interests.  It’s your common interests that give you things to talk about and things to do with your friends.  If you don’t have things in common with your friends, it may be harder to socialize and get close.

Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson, page 43 The Science of Making Friends

Want a list of interests to jog your memory?

Thank you to my Thrive with Aspergers Autism Community for sharing some of your interests with me to pass along to you:

Running

Autism and Aspergers (learning more about it)

Reading

Cooking

Crafting

History

Nutrition

Fitness

Sports

Science

Animals

Dog Training

Etsy

Pokemon

The list goes on!

Once you know your interests, you can find other people who share those same interests.  It gives you something to talk about.