I feel like my generation is having a hard time with adulthood i dont know if its more than others but let me tell you it feels like it is

i have had this weird feeling lately and have tried to put two pieces together that im not sure align

i feel like sometimes those above me love to change me to mimic them like ive said on the podcast before i make a lot of mistakes but i also have always been like different than everyone around me i talk differently i do things differently like always its like a given

but recently, i feel like people have been trying to change me to do what they do when it doesnt need to be called out its like when someone calls another person out on their regional accent and corrects them like just because you dont say it like that it doesnt mean the other person is wrong

but weirdly i feel like as kids we were always told to listen and to follow directions and do this and that and grade school is pretty much follow the leader copy the teacher memorize what the teacher tells you

and i think as much as i struggled with college one thing i loved about design school is that it was never really that it was here are the tools now use them in conjunction with your imagination and create soemthing amazing

i get into the real world and its follow what i do im your boss you have to follow me and i really dislike it sometimes of course i suck it up and comply but i think i was so excited to have that taste of creative freedom in college and the real world took it away from me but i also feel like as a kid i was so excited to be an adult to have less rules in a sense to not have to run my household like it was run as a child to break rules sometimes and my job just feels like grade school but im struggling to memorize what my bosses and authority figures are telling me to copy

i feel like i picked a design job so i could live as a creative so things didnt have to be perfect and follow a concise set of rules and. i think ultimately thats why im struggling

i think the 9-5 is so confining and restricting and so opposite then college i just felt so free in college in a sense and now i feel so controlled.

i dont want to become numb to that feeling and fall in line with the corporate ladders i want to live a life where people recognize that some of the 9-5 rules are excessive and boring and lack fun and change and newness if that makes sense.

i guess what im trying to say is i lived my entire life being a rule follower and doing what older people told me with the hopes that when i became an adult the rules wouldn’t continue but they haven’t stopped yet.

i know this is contradictory but sometimes i just wish i felt like i fit like sometimes it feel so cool to be unique but when everyone in the room is loving following the rules and you are breaking them in THEIR eyes by being yourself its hard to not feel. like a criminal.

I ate the donut that everyone else thought was too sugary and bad for you.

I use powerpoint instead of bluebeam.

I love doing things in photoshop when possible.

I like the amish looking target clothes.

I think plastic surgery is beautiful.

I shop at Aldi.

Like everyday a conversation comes up and my answer is different than everyone else’s and i just feel more like weird and alone. i don’t know if this makes sense but ive just been thinking about it recently. And the thing is i love my job i think.. and i am so grateful for it but it doesnt mean that i dont have thoughts like this pop up sometimes.

Anyway thanks for listening.