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Type One Lover
Are You a Type One Lover? Understanding the Perfectionist
Do you find yourself expressing love through a clean house and a mowed lawn rather than a poem? Do you struggle to relax when there’s a “to-do” list hanging over your head? You might be a Type 1 Lover.
In our latest broadcast, we explore the traits of the Performer/Reformer, a partner who is loyal, conscientious, and deeply service-oriented.
Key Traits of the Type One Lover
Action-Oriented Affection: Type 1s don’t always go for grand emotional displays. Instead, they show love through tangible support—chores, planning, and being the reliable “rock” in the relationship.
The “Internal Critic”: Because Type 1s have incredibly high standards for themselves, they can accidentally project that criticism onto their partners. As Stan notes, what is intended as “helpfulness” can often feel like “judgment” to a spouse.
High Dedication: These are the most dependable partners. They take their marriage responsibilities seriously and are deeply committed to the growth of the relationship.
A Need for Structure: From neatly organized closets (where every hanger faces the same way!) to timed chores, Type 1s thrive on order and progression.
Stan’s “Closet” Confession
Stan shares a hilarious and relatable story about his “Army-style” organization—a habit picked up from his brother. While Stan needs his shirts categorized by sleeve length and his hangers perfectly aligned, his wife Cynthia is more “carefree.” This difference used to drive him nuts, but through research, he’s learned that his desire to “fix” her closet was actually his Type 1 brain trying to be helpful, even though it came across as critical.
How to Love a Type 1
If you are married to a Type 1, here is how you can best support them:
Appreciate Their Efforts: Acknowledge the practical things they do. For a Type 1, “I noticed you cleaned the gutters” can feel as romantic as “I love you.”
Help Them Relax: Type 1s often struggle to turn off their brain. Gently encourage them to take a break from the to-do list and just enjoy the moment.
Be Patient with Criticism: Remember that their urge to “improve” things stems from a desire for excellence and a deep love for you—not a lack of affection.
The Goal: Growing Together
The episode concludes with a powerful reminder: Don’t try to be the exception to the rule. By owning our traits—even the difficult ones—we can learn to grow and become the best version of ourselves for our families.
Are you a Type 1, or is your spouse the resident perfectionist? Join us next time as we dive into Type 2!
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By Stan and Cynthia ShelbyAre You a Type One Lover? Understanding the Perfectionist
Do you find yourself expressing love through a clean house and a mowed lawn rather than a poem? Do you struggle to relax when there’s a “to-do” list hanging over your head? You might be a Type 1 Lover.
In our latest broadcast, we explore the traits of the Performer/Reformer, a partner who is loyal, conscientious, and deeply service-oriented.
Key Traits of the Type One Lover
Action-Oriented Affection: Type 1s don’t always go for grand emotional displays. Instead, they show love through tangible support—chores, planning, and being the reliable “rock” in the relationship.
The “Internal Critic”: Because Type 1s have incredibly high standards for themselves, they can accidentally project that criticism onto their partners. As Stan notes, what is intended as “helpfulness” can often feel like “judgment” to a spouse.
High Dedication: These are the most dependable partners. They take their marriage responsibilities seriously and are deeply committed to the growth of the relationship.
A Need for Structure: From neatly organized closets (where every hanger faces the same way!) to timed chores, Type 1s thrive on order and progression.
Stan’s “Closet” Confession
Stan shares a hilarious and relatable story about his “Army-style” organization—a habit picked up from his brother. While Stan needs his shirts categorized by sleeve length and his hangers perfectly aligned, his wife Cynthia is more “carefree.” This difference used to drive him nuts, but through research, he’s learned that his desire to “fix” her closet was actually his Type 1 brain trying to be helpful, even though it came across as critical.
How to Love a Type 1
If you are married to a Type 1, here is how you can best support them:
Appreciate Their Efforts: Acknowledge the practical things they do. For a Type 1, “I noticed you cleaned the gutters” can feel as romantic as “I love you.”
Help Them Relax: Type 1s often struggle to turn off their brain. Gently encourage them to take a break from the to-do list and just enjoy the moment.
Be Patient with Criticism: Remember that their urge to “improve” things stems from a desire for excellence and a deep love for you—not a lack of affection.
The Goal: Growing Together
The episode concludes with a powerful reminder: Don’t try to be the exception to the rule. By owning our traits—even the difficult ones—we can learn to grow and become the best version of ourselves for our families.
Are you a Type 1, or is your spouse the resident perfectionist? Join us next time as we dive into Type 2!